I'm ugly.

[Thaymore]

All my life, I knew I was never attractive. I have plenty of attractive friends, and I am always the outcast in the group. Guys will always approach my best friends, but never me. I am never the first option. Quite a few people have told me I am not attractive in a nice way before, so I know it's true.

 

Things are the same in school. I am in college right now for two years already. I have not yet been approached by any guys before, except one.

 

I met him at a party. He was a new transfer student, so I was being really nice to him. He asked for my number, and we ended up dating later on. That was my first love.

 

He treated me nicely, but sometimes he make little, unintentional comments about me that hurts. For example, we were joking around and I said "Your lucky you have a pretty girlfriend". I didn't even mean it. But he said "Oh, I didn't know you are pretty." Other times, he give me suggestions about how I should style my hair etc.

 

Through out the relationship I never knew why he asked me out, because he apparently doesn't find me attractive. I think he is just lonely because he have very few friends at our school, so he wanted a GF. I ended up breaking up with him two months ago, but he still texts me occasionally. In his defense, he does treat me like a princess though.

 

I'm really insecure about relationships. Even if guys like me for my personality, they can still dump me if a pretty girl with a good personality comes along.

 

I'm sorry this is so long. But I really need to hear some advices and insights. Guys, did you ever chose the unattractive girl before?

Edited July 10, 2014 by Thaymore

[SJC2008]

Most people aren't the first choice in a group so get used to it. I struggle with this and I'm a man! People date in their leagues so when you ask if a guy goes for the unattractive girl the answer will more often than not be no, if he's good looking.

 

Why do you think you're unattractive? Are you overweight?

[kolleamm]

All my life, I knew I was never attractive. I have plenty of attractive friends, and I am always the outcast in the group. Guys will always approach my best friends, but never me. I am never the first option. Quite a few people have told me I am not attractive in a nice way before, so I know it's true.

 

Things are the same in school. I am in college right now for two years already. I have not yet been approached by any guys before, except one.

 

I met him at a party. He was a new transfer student, so I was being really nice to him. He asked for my number, and we ended up dating later on. That was my first love.

 

He treated me nicely, but sometimes he make little, unintentional comments about me that hurts. For example, we were joking around and I said "Your lucky you have a pretty girlfriend". I didn't even mean it. But he said "Oh, I didn't know you are pretty." Other times, he give me suggestions about how I should style my hair etc.

 

Through out the relationship I never knew why he asked me out, because he apparently doesn't find me attractive. I think he is just lonely because he have very few friends at our school, so he wanted a GF. I ended up breaking up with him two months ago, but he still texts me occasionally. In his defense, he does treat me like a princess though.

 

I'm really insecure about relationships. Even if guys like me for my personality, they can still dump me if a pretty girl with a good personality comes along.

 

I'm sorry this is so long. But I really need to hear some advices and insights. Guys, did you ever chose the unattractive girl before?

 

Your best bet is to keep working on your body and get in even better shape than before if you want to increase your chances, simple as that. Getting that perfect body has to become a way of life for you and it does not happen over night. Find out how to do it and do it. Us guys face the exact same harsh standards of being muscular enough, however I still believe for you as a woman it would be much easier. Most women just need to lose weight, guys on the other hand need to gain muscle which is really hard believe me. You got it easy when it comes to that.

 

Good luck

[Thaymore]

Most people aren't the first choice in a group so get used to it. I struggle with this and I'm a man! People date in their leagues so when you ask if a guy goes for the unattractive girl the answer will more often than not be no, if he's good looking.

 

Why do you think you're unattractive? Are you overweight?

 

I'm actually really skinny. 110 pounds, 5'4. I think I just don't have a pretty face.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I'm actually really skinny. 110 pounds, 5'4. I think I just don't have a pretty face.

 

Being skinny is not the end of the line for a woman like you then. You need to get sculpted and build yourself a spectacular body. Squats to get a pert, round derriere, work on your core to get not only flat but toned tummy, etc, etc. Though thinnness is highly valued, if you don't have at least a cute face to work with, your body has to be on point.

 

On another note, how are your makeup skills? A 5 can become an 8 with some good liner, shadow and contouring. By the way, what do you think is so ugly about yourself? Big nose? Wide set eyes? I mean a lot of girls think they're ugly and are treated as such because A) they act like it and B) have no sense of style or makeup skills.

[kolleamm]

Being skinny does not always mean that you have the ideal body guys would want. As a guy I can tell you that my favorite body type preference for a woman is that which has a balanced amount of fat (not zero) some nice subtle muscular definition, as well as some good curves.

 

Then again, you might just wanna ask yourself the type of guys you are meeting and where.

[Noproblem]

I'm actually really skinny. 110 pounds, 5'4. I think I just don't have a pretty face.

 

No, actually you need to gain 15 pounds to look refreshing and healthy

 

110 is not healthy at all.

 

I bet you will look amazing once you gain more weight ..but I am not saying gain weight in a crazy way ..Just eat right, and keep on working out and exercising ...lifting and focus on some areas to be more attractive and curvy..

 

as for your face, you can always learn how to put the right make up and do the right hair styles.. hundreds of videos online to teach us how to transform..

 

Or you can change you cloth style, that will help too

 

and if it's really not helping, you can always have some plastic surgery ..but that's the extreme..

 

Have you seen the girls around you? Most girls have boyfriends. they are thin, they are fat, they are tall, they are short, they are beautiful, they are not ..

 

You think you are ugly, that's why your personality is not as attractive as it should be, because you don't love yourself enough and that makes people fail to notice how beautiful you really are ..

 

You let your guy slip away from your finger because you thought he doesn't love you because you are not pretty enough

 

You are delusional, he did care about you...

 

you might not be Miss America, which by the way isn't that perfect anyway , but you were attractive to him

 

Some guys like to tease, but you are sensitive and you took it the wrong way ...

 

Look around, there are many pretty ladies and still they get teased, laughed at, and dumped..

 

It's not about how you look, it's how you carry yourself around and how you deal with men..

[Noproblem]

If you're not fat, you already have an advantage over 60% of the female population. I doubt you are as physically unappealing as you think you are. Most guys would take a small girl with an average face over a fat chick with a pretty face.

 

Not really, I see them with overweight girls all the time and they are not even that pretty either ...

[Noproblem]

Based on...what, exactly? Nothing. You do not know her build, so there is no way you can say that she should gain 15 pounds. In fact, I have dated women who weighed less than she did, same height, and looked fantastic.

 

Just because you like super skinny girls, that doesn't make it the ideal weight ..It's not healthy ...

 

 

According to your height of 5' 4" your ideal healthy weight is 130 pounds. Your recommended weight range is between 116 and 145 pounds.

 

http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/ideal-healthy-weight#?1#?1#WebrootPlugIn#?1#?1#PhreshPhish#?1#?1#agtpwd

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Based on...what, exactly? Nothing. You do not know her build, so there is no way you can say that she should gain 15 pounds. In fact, I have dated women who weighed less than she did, same height, and looked fantastic.

 

You don't really have to know someone's build to know what at 5'4 and 110lbs she's a tiny skinny chick. Maybe the girls you dated at similar measurements looked great in your eyes but then again maybe you just like really waifish chicks? Not a lot of room for definition or curves, especially hips and ass at that weight though. I don't think anyone's advising her to gain 30lbs of fat or something but 7-15lbs couldn't hurt, especially if it's nicely defined muscle and/or curves.

[MoreCoffee]

"I'm ugly..."

 

I'm crippled. Nice to meet you. There's more of us then there are of "them."

[guest569]

These comments are a bit disturbing. Here is someone who is severely lacking in confidence and you are saying lose weight, gain weight, get toned, use makeup..

 

I think i am hideous, but i surprised myself and dated some 10/10 guys in terms of attractiveness. Therefore, either i am way too modest, or the "people date in their league" crap is exactly that,, crap. Most people wont date you if they aren't attracted to you. Would you date someone ugly for his personality? Shallow yes but attraction matters in dating. You will learn to be comfortable in your own skin and find a man who makes you truly feel beautiful.

Edited July 10, 2014 by smiley1

[kassy]

Ok so you are thin and thats great. But why do you think you are ugly? Not many people are really ugly. Most are fairly average. I think its weird you think you are so ugly.

 

My guess is you look just fine. Probably your insecurity is the problem. Why not accept yourself as you are?

 

If don't feel great about yourself do something about that. I think exercise and eating healthy are always good advise. Presenting yourself well is also good too. But other than that just go and do fun stuff discover who you are, try new things and see what you like doing. Go enjoy life and experience it and have some fun. Having a boyfriend is not the only thing in life and generally when you dont like yourself you don t attract great partners.

 

You are young, don't waste years hung up over this. Even if you are truely ugly, its not like thats it life over. All kinds of people find partners, often through hobbies. Go explore and have some fun. If you cant get past this then go see a shrink. Its not worth wasting time hating yourself

[Targetlock]

All my life, I knew I was never attractive. I have plenty of attractive friends, and I am always the outcast in the group. Guys will always approach my best friends, but never me. I am never the first option. Quite a few people have told me I am not attractive in a nice way before, so I know it's true.

 

Things are the same in school. I am in college right now for two years already. I have not yet been approached by any guys before, except one.

 

I met him at a party. He was a new transfer student, so I was being really nice to him. He asked for my number, and we ended up dating later on. That was my first love.

 

He treated me nicely, but sometimes he make little, unintentional comments about me that hurts. For example, we were joking around and I said "Your lucky you have a pretty girlfriend". I didn't even mean it. But he said "Oh, I didn't know you are pretty." Other times, he give me suggestions about how I should style my hair etc.

 

Through out the relationship I never knew why he asked me out, because he apparently doesn't find me attractive. I think he is just lonely because he have very few friends at our school, so he wanted a GF. I ended up breaking up with him two months ago, but he still texts me occasionally. In his defense, he does treat me like a princess though.

 

I'm really insecure about relationships. Even if guys like me for my personality, they can still dump me if a pretty girl with a good personality comes along.

 

I'm sorry this is so long. But I really need to hear some advices and insights. Guys, did you ever chose the unattractive girl before?

 

I think it is a case of meeting the right guy, because to him you are beautiful and will feel sorry for other people not being able to see that hope that helps. and that guy was a jerk by the way in the opinion, you never answer a comment like that in my opinion.

[todreaminblue]

hey thaymore.....you are what you are...weight and all

 

 

i am overweight dont think i am pretty...but i am the one in my group when i go out with girls i pull guys mainly because i am not in the corner or at the back i am on the dance floor...and i dance like no one is there...when i want a guy to approach ill look him straight in the eyes and ill smile with both my eyes and my mouth and they come to me...... i am open and can talk about most topics with a fair amount of knowledge .......i don't approach men......

 

 

so i would say as far as looks go i dont think its my looks that attract men its more my confidence....i am however a multiple personality....so maybe its the crazy in me they are attracted too......

 

 

 

 

all i know is you dont seem confident and guys are more likely to go for the girl who is smiling openly at them than not.... i can be hyper...so a high level of energy in spite of my weight......so when they talk about overweight not beign able to attract men......its not true.....neither is it true your skinniness would put men off either......but not being confident and feeling out of place would put guys off approaching you.....i have been here too and i can give a stay away vibe...normally with guys i really like which are actually quiet guys not rowdy ones..... i turn awkward and shy.....part of being a multiple......all in all my tendign to attract men is when i am sure of myself my confidence is high and have high energy......which is nto my heart at all......guys fall in love with my heart later.....the right types anyway when i let them see the quieter side of me..........deb

[greyskys62]

OP, please do not feel like you have to alter your body or your face to make yourself more attractive. "Ugly" is a very subjective word, and we tend to use it most harshly against ourselves. If it would make you feel better to tone up, or to try something new with your hair or your makeup, then great. But don't listen to anyone on the internet who tells you that's what you should be doing.

 

Many college-aged guys are only out for one thing. Hang in there-- my dating life blossomed after college, because I was smart, had a great job, and I radiated confidence. Guys liked that. Try to focus on your own life-- not necessarily just on how you look-- and do your best to live it positively. It'll pay off.

[Ninjainpajamas]

These comments are a bit disturbing. Here is someone who is severely lacking in confidence and you are saying lose weight, gain weight, get toned, use makeup..

 

This is always a sensitive and topic, for anyone to be judged on their appearance...everyone knows looks and weight count but nobody wants to say it directly to that person and some people will say that you shouldn't ever say anything at all...which might leave the person confused about where they really stand in the dating world.

 

Contrary to popular social media belief, it's easier to accept something and move on...no matter how awful it is, then try to live your life as if it doesn't exist...doing your best to ignore it, which you never can.

 

However with her level of insecurity, it's not going to do much good criticizing her or telling her to change/improve and making her feel even less adequate or ideal.

 

The truth is the majority of women are harder on themselves than they need to be, not realizing that men aren't as picky as they actually think (and really it's not about men at the end of the day, where that insecurity comes from)...no matter how beautiful the woman is, it doesn't mean she feels good enough, it only takes one guy turning her down or breaking her heart..and maybe it's just dare I say, "healthy" and human nature to constantly compete and compare rather than just blame it on media or what not, otherwise imagine how people would look and behave if they truly didn't care what others thought, it would make everything else irrelevant and on top of it probably be a pretty disgusting world to live in, and quite rude in reality.

 

Everyone can also feel insecure when something doesn't work out their way or the way they hoped. And people fish for excuses or reasons they weren't "accepted".

 

 

 

I think i am hideous, but i surprised myself and dated some 10/10 guys in terms of attractiveness. Therefore, either i am way too modest, or the "people date in their league" crap is exactly that,, crap. Most people wont date you if they aren't attracted to you. Would you date someone ugly for his personality? Shallow yes but attraction matters in dating. You will learn to be comfortable in your own skin and find a man who makes you truly feel beautiful.

 

Are you hideous? I don't know, maybe you are...I've seen countless amounts of hideous women pushing around baby-strollers I'll tell you that much, so somebodies pumping that vagina with man-chowder.

 

You shouldn't be surprised with dating 10/10 guys (if they even are truly that hot), at the end of the day men need sex, company and attention. When men even hire escorts or prostitutes, they don't just always want a quick bang, they actually want some company and intimacy, men appreciate that GF type of role regardless...and furthermore, they do each other the butt in jail when push comes to shove and there's zero chance of even having sex with even the most beastly of women..which I bet some of them would prefer a guys butt who's fit in some cases.

 

So it's not that men won't date a woman out of her league, the question is, will he actually marry her? now you're asking the serious question with no BS...many men will date and sleep with just about anything, it's all about opportunity and most importantly options.

 

But this is one of the most commonly misinterpreted ideas that women have "Most people wont date you if they aren't attracted to you.", oh they absolutely will, in fact they go as far as relationships and they go as far as even marriage...you no idea what that man is thinking, what his insecurities are, and why he's even with you at the end of the day, in fact the majority of the women have no idea, they think he just chose her over other women for some miraculous undefined reason which is because you're so "special"...the REAL reason; not those fluffy reasons men tell you just to make you feel better that you constantly need to be feed every once in a while to keep you happy...like the ACTUAL reason he is with you, is usually simply that man's options...ultimately beggars cant be choosy, and most men sorely lack options.

 

So a 10 guy in looks, doesn't mean a 10 in confidence...one of ten guys have confidence, if that. A guy who looks like a 10, or even 9 or 8...but has the confidence of a guppi versus a shark along with a laundry list of other desirable traits that women want as they get older...he will absolutely date a 6 or 7, and then hopefully move up as he builds confidence and gets to date those "ideal" women that so many men are ultimately after, which never happens for most men...but to date? for men? takes a lot less than you realize, and it could ultimately almost have nearly nothing to do with you.

 

At the end of the day ladies, date someone who is really into YOU...not just going through the motions, building confidence within himself and not really caring about the relationship.

Edited July 10, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas

[Allumere]

Just because you like super skinny girls, that doesn't make it the ideal weight ..It's not healthy ...

 

 

According to your height of 5' 4" your ideal healthy weight is 130 pounds. Your recommended weight range is between 116 and 145 pounds.

 

BAC, BMI, Body Fat, BMR Calculator, & Ideal Weight Calculators

 

This is crap. Why? Because at 132 I was absolutely NOT at a healthy weight. I am 5'4 and I will do whatever I can to not be at that weight again. I was a size 10 if I wanted to be comfy in pants. I stay 114 to 118 now...sometimes dipping to 110 and I am 45! All those numbers said, pitch the damn scale. I know woman my height that definitely outweigh me that have killer bodies and I have friends that are jockeys (and lucky enough to have really high metabolism) and these chicas are brick solid and beautiful! If you aren't someone that has focused much on fitness and healthy eating then yes, absolutely start...this would be about how it makes you feel, long term health and confidence. Surprising how being able to meet a new goal (wow, I walked 2 miles today) can just bring a smile to your face. AS far as looks go face wise I find that it is rare that someone is ugly. And even then, what one person may be distracted by others would fine interesting. Most of us don't look like the standards of beauty" but most of us have something cool. Long lashes, cool eye color, a great smile with a slightly turned tooth, a scar with a interesting story..it is about unique! If you don't like something then you have the option to fix it but if your dislike is driven because of an outsiders opinion of beauty you need to step back and really take a bit to appreciate who you are.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Confidence. That's where it's at. Many people, men and women are fooled by it. They don't see objective traits but rather the person projects whatever they think of themselves. An average looking confident woman will do better than insecure, pretty one. I have observed many couples. Where woman married a guy better looking than her, it's because she is confident and he isn't. There is no mystery.... An insecure guy lacks options...so does an insecure woman.

 

The only exceptions to this are people that have model looks, I am talking 9-10/10. If you are that, nothing much matters and chances are, you have been cruising life on looks which gives confidence in itself.

 

Work on your confidence rather than your looks.

[Kid_Charlemange]

I'm ugly.

So am I. And it's pretty much documented.

 

Know what? I don't care. I make up for it in other areas. Sure, a vast majority of the available women are not an option for me, but that still leaves millions. Literally. And I married a wonder, smart, pretty woman who was taken away from me by cancer way too early. Then I dated a downright beautiful woman who wound up treating me like crap -- but at least she went out with me for two years. So, things happen, and there are people who see the person beyond the looks. They are out there. Trust me, I know.

 

Finally, you are way too young to worry about this.I've run into old college friends who look radically different as adults -- in both directions.

 

And while this photo is pre-college, do you think this fellow had an GFs that year in school? I doubt it...

 

http://jahanc.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/george-clooney3.jpg

[d0nnivain]

Thaymore

 

Growing up I was the short fat ugly one in my group of friends. Objectively I am none of those things but in a group of hot blondes as the smart brunette it grated on my self esteem.

 

Somewhere in college I decided to "use" (not in a mean way) my hot friends as a resource. I asked them for clothes & make up tips so I could look more stylish & beautiful. They were thrilled to dress me up & paint my face. After my make-over I felt more confident & it showed. After a while I also learned that all men are not equal. While many men would admire my beautiful friends, not all of them wanted to date vapid blondes. I'm being unfair to my friends here because they aren't dumb but they also aren't my intellectual equals; by that I mean that most of the guys who dated me weren't interested in them because they couldn't hold the same kind of conversations I could. When I stopped competing with them especially for hot guys who were otherwise not interesting to me beyond their physical looks, I felt better about all sorts of things. In essence I came into my own. That hasn't happened for you yet.

 

As for the guy who said he didn't know if you were pretty, if that sentence wasn't immediately followed by "I think you are beautiful" the last thing I would have said to him is "sorry you feel that way. I guess I'm off to go find a new BF who does think I'm beautiful. Have a nice life."

 

If there is something you don't like about yourself, change it. Wear different clothes. Dye your hair. Buy colored contact lenses. Consult a plastic surgeon if you think it will make you feel better. (I'm not advocating you become one of those fake plastic people but if you hate your nose get a new one, get collagen in your lips, get a realistic boob job -- do ONE of those things NOT all of them after you consult a doctor. The good ones won't let you change what isn't broken)

[kodakgirl]

These comments are a bit disturbing. Here is someone who is severely lacking in confidence and you are saying lose weight, gain weight, get toned, use makeup..

 

I agree-- pretty awful that you talk about insecurity stemming from your appearance, and the first responses focus on your appearance rather than your insecurity. I am glad you've had more balanced responses since!

 

Because ultimately, it isn't about how you look--not your face, not your body. If deep down you don't feel good enough, you wouldn't feel good enough as as "4" OR as a "10". And not feeling good enough is going to have a negative effect on all your romantic interactions.

 

Turning that around is not easy, nor is separating it from the looks topic. It is very easy to fall into a trap of blaming it all on your appearance. Honestly it's something I do too sometimes-- I'm intelligent and introspective, but sometimes when I think of my lack of romantic success I start feeling upset thinking maybe I'm just not attractive enough to have what I want. And I've always had the feedback that I am quite attractive (you see what I mean about it being about your insecurities and not your looks?). But really that's a total cop-out. You absolutely don't need to be gorgeous to find love. How unrealistic does that sound? Almost no one would ever find love if that was the case, yet most people do. There's always someone prettier, or more charming, or more fun-- do most people just up and leave the person they're with as soon as they meet someone different? It's important sometimes to remind ourselves of what exactly our fears about ourselves are implying in a general sense, to see how absurd they can be.

 

There isn't any quick fix to addressing these kinds of fears and insecurities, but the sooner you start the sooner you'll be on the right path. A couple things I've found useful are a book called The Self-Esteem Workbook (by Glenn R. Schiraldi) and a website called Baggage Reclaim (by Natalie Lue), which work to get you adressing your beliefs about yourself and making conscious steps to change them. The more you value yourself as a person, the easier it will become to fight off those fears that your looks are the end-all. They really, really aren't.

 

And, finally-- no more saying "I am ugly." NOPE! You are human.

[amaysngrace]

Yep...you are human and nobody is perfect.

 

Maybe try to stop looking at what you don't like about yourself when you look in the mirror and start focusing on what you do like instead.

[hasaquestion]

These comments are a bit disturbing. Here is someone who is severely lacking in confidence and you are saying lose weight, gain weight, get toned, use makeup..

 

If you find that disturbing, I hope you've never post in a thread telling a single guy to go to the gym, get a stylish haircut, wear smarter clothes, smile more, etc.

 

Not to be a dick, but there's a new thread every day with some male variant of the OP, plenty of advice given, and never remotely this degree of moral outrage. How is this "disturbing" when 90% of the posts on here pass as constructive?

 

Anyway OP, I doubt you're nearly as ugly to the rest of the world as you are in your own head. Just set little goals socially and in terms of life-improvement (career, family, whatever) and work on them. You need a shot in the arm of confidence and some positive reinforcement does wonders.

 

Yep...you are human and nobody is perfect.

 

Maybe try to stop looking at what you don't like about yourself when you look in the mirror and start focusing on what you do like instead.

 

Just look at a slideshow of puppies on buzz feed. Then you realize everyone's pretty ugly when you think about.

[pteromom]

I am sure you aren't UGLY.

 

Just because you aren't the girl in the group that the guys flock to doesn't mean you are ugly. It just means that you have some friends who radiate confidence and have that charisma that draws guys to them.

 

And that is something you can get, if you want it.

 

But it is the moths who are are attracted to the lights. I would rather you be the unique flower you are, and attract the butterfly who finds you beautiful as you are.

 

You may not be the type of girl who has guys flocking around her, but that doesn't make you ugly. And it doesn't mean you won't find a guy who loves you exactly as you are.