MovingOnSlowly Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) Not sure if this is the right place to post. Here is my situation and hope you guys can provide some insights and suggestion. We broke up two months ago due to stresses from a very complicated situation that we are still dealing with at the moment. We maintained contact and see each other occasionally because we have a son together. During the past two months, there were still constant fight and arguing as we were dealing with the issues and trying to work things out, but I still care about him and miss him everyday. Last night I met him. I hadn't seen him for two weeks. Although I know the chances that we will be together again and have a future together is slim to none, in a moment of weakness, I asked him if he still sees a future together or if we are done. He said he still thinks there is a chance we can have a future together, but he has lots of on his plates and life is a mess( he was referring the complicated/stressful situation we are dealing with) and he needs to straighten things out first. However, to me, that sounds like his nice way of rejecting me, so I started to cry, ( I know it was stupid, but i was caught in a moment of weakness ), and asked him if we are done, He said he still cares and has feeling for me, otherwise he wouldn't come all the way so early after a long week of travel for work in the morning on Sunday when i told him I had a flat tire . I couldn't stop crying. On my way home, he texted me the following message me "I need you to keep it together and I am doing my best to do the same". I didn't reply, then he texted me again in 10 mins saying " I am going to bed. I'll be down there tomorrow." I then did something even more stupid. I texted him back and asked "ok, before you go to bed, can you tell me do you still see a future between us." he replied " Yes, but i cannot have the constant turmoil". I then texted him “ do you want to be back together”. After a few mins, he replied with “ I need to go to bed”. I then texted him “ so we are done” he said “no”. Then I texted him again “ do you want to be back together”. He then replied “ let’s talk tomorrow”. So today when we met during lunch to take care some of the stuff for our kid, I asked him again those questions. He said he still thinks we have a chance to have a future together and we are not done. As for getting back together now, he said he needs to strengthen his life first. I beg him to just tell me “No” directly instead of giving me those false hope because I need to move on, then he said he can’t say “no” because he still cares about me and have feeling for me, but just can’t get back together now. Now I feel so stupid. I hate myself for showing him I still have strong feeling for him and to show him how vulnerable I am. I hate that I came across desperate and unattractive. I feel like I am losing him forever and I am no longer the cool, independent and self-sufficient girl he use to like. I don’t know what I can or should do reverse what I have done today. I don’t know if he is indeed still having feeling for me. I feel like what he told me today is just his nice way of rejecting me. What should I do? Should I believe him we still have future or move on. Edited July 10, 2014 by MovingOnSlowly
Strength in Healing Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 There are two answers he can give you, and a million different forms of them: Yes or No. You feel he gave you no. So you keep limited contact (VERY LIMITED) only relating to your son. Your best chance of getting him back is this method. But your priority should be healing. Best wishes. 2
Author MovingOnSlowly Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 There are two answers he can give you, and a million different forms of them: Yes or No. You feel he gave you no. So you keep limited contact (VERY LIMITED) only relating to your son. Your best chance of getting him back is this method. But your priority should be healing. Best wishes. thank you. Maintain low contact is rather difficult. I am seeing him again this Friday to check out day care. I wish I could NC, but we have a son together.
BC1980 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Don't ask him again for a YES or NO answer. People do not respond well to being pressured in that manner. The way I see it, his answer is no. He can't expect you to wait around while he comes to a decision.
Author MovingOnSlowly Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Don't ask him again for a YES or NO answer. People do not respond well to being pressured in that manner. The way I see it, his answer is no. He can't expect you to wait around while he comes to a decision. thank you, I know his answer is no, but i am just in denial. I am having a hard time to believe it is over and don't know how I am able to move on especially we have a son together.
Zahara Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 The best thing for you to do is LC -- and that means strict communication ONLY about your child and nothing more. Stop meeting up and having lunch together, etc. If you can deal with it over the phone, do that. If you need to drop the child off with him, quick drop-off and done. I fyou have a flat tire, call a friend, change the tire yourself or call a roadside assistance. "I beg him to just tell me “No” directly instead of giving me those false hope because I need to move on, then he said he can’t say “no” because he still cares about me and have feeling for me, but just can’t get back together now." You are responsible for you moving on. You move on based on the NOW. The now is that he has ended with you. It's over. Do not place hope on the possibilities of reconciling in the future because for one, he doesn't even know what he's going to have for dinner tomorrow, let alone if he has the ability to resume a broken relationship months from now. And you do not want to be sitting around waiting for months/years for him to decide if he has space in his life for you. 1
Author MovingOnSlowly Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 The best thing for you to do is LC -- and that means strict communication ONLY about your child and nothing more. Stop meeting up and having lunch together, etc. If you can deal with it over the phone, do that. If you need to drop the child off with him, quick drop-off and done. I fyou have a flat tire, call a friend, change the tire yourself or call a roadside assistance. "I beg him to just tell me “No” directly instead of giving me those false hope because I need to move on, then he said he can’t say “no” because he still cares about me and have feeling for me, but just can’t get back together now." You are responsible for you moving on. You move on based on the NOW. The now is that he has ended with you. It's over. Do not place hope on the possibilities of reconciling in the future because for one, he doesn't even know what he's going to have for dinner tomorrow, let alone if he has the ability to resume a broken relationship months from now. And you do not want to be sitting around waiting for months/years for him to decide if he has space in his life for you. thank you. Your post is spot on. It is hard but i guess i need to stop wasting my time on him and moving on with my life. I will have to see him again tomorrow during lunch to check out the day care for our son. Sigh, I wish I can go NC.
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