oneone Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 So I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 years now. She moved in with me a few months into our relationship and we have lived together ever since. I feel like now it just isn't working out. We have had arguments and I know that sometimes she feels like it just isn't working either, but I feel that the living situation is prolonging this breakup for the both of us. We are getting ready to move back to my hometown, and live in my parent's house until we find our own place, but I don't want it to be lasting that long. Once we move back, it's easy for me to spend a couple weeks away from her, and let her stay at the house until she finds a place to move. As much as I feel like we are both thinking this, I think that she will have a bad reaction to it. I'm not worried about splitting our things, that is not an issue. I have never had to break up with a girl like this and I need some help with it. She doesn't have many friends so I know it will be tough on her, regardless of how much she wants it or not. She is just about to start a new job and if don't know if she will financially be able to live on her own, whereas I can stay with friends or parents for a while until I figure it out. She is not living near her parents so that is not an option for her. Any suggestions on how I should bring up the conversation? I know some threads say "go to the park, or just sit her down and say 'we need to talk,'" but that is much easier said than done. Some real help would be much appreciated. I'm literally lost about what to do, and dragging this out isn't helping either one of us, especially since I know I'm not happy. Thanks in advance!
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You need to find a way to discuss this with her. The break up also make take some time as one of you needs to find a new place to live. You just say this isn't working & you want out. 2
carrie_o Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Make sure you stress that living apart would be best for both of you. Hopefully your gf is mature enough to deal with the split. If not, be prepared for emotional manipulation (i.e. I'll be homeless without you.) 1
aussietigerwolf Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You need to find a way to discuss this with her. The break up also make take some time as one of you needs to find a new place to live. You just say this isn't working & you want out. also tell her before you move too as she may decide she doesn't want to if you two have broken up. 3
FitChick Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Tell her you've noticed that she hasn't been too happy lately. The stress of starting a new job plus the stress of your relationship must be very difficult for her. That is why you are making it easier for her by moving out. She can keep the flat or find a roommate or move into a flat/house with other people. It was fun while it lasted, you learned so much about yourself and what you want and don't want in a relationship. No, there isn't another woman. The relationship has come to a natural conclusion.
PerfectStorm Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 You say that "we" are moving back to "your" hometown to stay with "your" parents. My first question would be why would you let her follow you to your hometown to live with your parents without first telling her you don't want to be with her anymore. As a woman, I would be livid to rearrange my life and then find out something like this. I'd want the opportunity to stay where I was at or maybe go live with my own family where ever they may be. Second, you all are not married & you have no financial responsibilty to take care of this woman indefinitelty. She should have considered this before making herself financially dependent on a man that wasn't fully committed to her, just months into the relationship. Lastly, the truth hurts but it's the best option. If you tell her that it's something she's done or that it's because you're fighting she will attempt to fix it even if she doesn't want to be in the relationship with you because she's put herself in a situation where she is dependent on another person. I'd sit her down tell her you're not in love with her, do not wish to spend the rest of your life with her, that you are not happy and want to move on with a clean break from the relationship. No need in wasting 4 more years of each others lives. She won't be happy about it. But she deserves a heads up before she moves and changes jobs so that she can make her own choices. Since you seem to be very considerate of her needs, I would help her come up with a short term living arrangement and then a long term plan. But sensitive honesty is really the only way to break up with someone even if you do live with them. Otherwise, it will drag on forever & hurt more feelings in the long run.
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