FocusStrider Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Hello LoveShack community, I am going to need your help with this situation. It's nothing bad, but I kept getting mixed signals and wasn't sure if I should make a move or not. Guys and Ladies, feel free to discuss about anything. I met a girl at the bar last weekend. She works there as a bartender, I thought.. no big deal. So, I asked her to serve me a beer. A few minutes later, I asked her if she knows where the remote so I can change the channel on TV to Sportscenter, and it took her a while to find it. After she found it, she hit me with a remote. I asked her why she hit me with it, she replied it was there behind me the whole time. (mind you, her eye contacts, smile and "flirty" personality got my attention). Then, we introduced ourselves, but not before we played "paper ball" and throw them at the trash can and see who wins (based on distance).. talked about our jobs and school. At one point I joked about beating her boyfriend at basketball and she replied "Psh! ex... but yeah I beat him in basketball". I told her I don't want to know why they broke up, and moved onto different subjects. I can't get my eyes off her because she keep looking at me (and checked on me every 5 minutes to make sure if I am okay..but I only had 2 beers that night).. It's her eyes that caught me off guard, I don't know why. Anyways, we talked and talked. At the end of the night when I told her I have to go, she was like awwww.. okay fine, and gave me a hug. Next night, I came back to the same bar and she was happy to see me. We talked about playing one-on-one basketball and if she wins, I will buy dinner. We agreed. (haven't happened yet due to her scheduling conflicts, which is understandable). She mentioned drinks after dinner and would drink with me whenever I want to. Same thing happened as above, and at the end of the night, I told her I need to go.. she was like ok... fine... but with a pouting face.. I hugged her and told her I will see her tomorrow. Now, the following night.. she was in a cranky mood (i found out she worked ALL weekend, obviously she was tired, but I lightened her mood up by making jokes and all that. Despite her cranky mood that night, she still came up to me every 15 minutes to make sure I am okay, but with her eyes looking at me (I mean she didn't take her eyes off me). At one point when I asked for her hands, she let it to me and when i touched her hand, we stared for a few minutes. After the night was done, )This time I stayed up late til she closes). At the end of the night, she hugged me VERY TIGHT for a few minutes (mind you, she hugged other people but didn't last long). I will be seeing her again this Friday. So, am i missing a hint here or is she playing with my head? (I don't mind asking her out and accept a rejection or something like that) but i don't think she is playing with my head. So I need your advice (especially women) so I can figure my next move. :-)
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Bartenders get more tips from customers they flirt with. I would proceed with caution. 2
Author FocusStrider Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Bartenders get more tips from customers they flirt with. I would proceed with caution. That.. is one reason why I don't date bartenders (I never do anyways), but she's something else.
kolleamm Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 It sounds like your doing pretty good honestly, if she does anything with you outside of the bar I would get my hopes up a little more, but if she just keeps all the action there I say move on. 1
Author FocusStrider Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 It sounds like your doing pretty good honestly, if she does anything with you outside of the bar I would get my hopes up a little more, but if she just keeps all the action there I say move on. Yeah, you're correct. Makes sense. I haven't gotten my hopes up, I am just playing by ear and see how things go. Her scheduling conflicts prevent us from meeting up for 2 days in a row (that's fine because she explained why ahead of time.... even mentioned to me "please don't hate me.") so I figured she is probably at least is interested at me somehow. I just can't figure if I should make a move or just back out.
kolleamm Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Yeah, you're correct. Makes sense. I haven't gotten my hopes up, I am just playing by ear and see how things go. Her scheduling conflicts prevent us from meeting up for 2 days in a row (that's fine because she explained why ahead of time.... even mentioned to me "please don't hate me.") so I figured she is probably at least is interested at me somehow. I just can't figure if I should make a move or just back out. Make your move, and whatever the outcome is, you will at least know. It's easier than you think. Just do it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. 1
Author FocusStrider Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Make your move, and whatever the outcome is, you will at least know. It's easier than you think. Just do it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I am considering making my move. Anyone else want to add to it?
Scales Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Sorry to burst your bubble but it's a bartender. We have other people make posts about how a waitress was so flirty with them and what should they do. Someone already said it was about tips and they are right. This is about tips. They are not only there to make money, but get repeated customers as well. You have to realize she gets hit on every week and she knows what shes doing. The eye contact and hugs mean nothing. That being said if you are going to make a move you have to do it soon. I think you're already probably too late. Get her number. Bartenders and waitresses will not give that out so easily because they get asked for it often. If she shoots you down play it cool and then you'll know. 1
Author FocusStrider Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Sorry to burst your bubble but it's a bartender. We have other people make posts about how a waitress was so flirty with them and what should they do. Someone already said it was about tips and they are right. This is about tips. They are not only there to make money, but get repeated customers as well. You have to realize she gets hit on every week and she knows what shes doing. The eye contact and hugs mean nothing. That being said if you are going to make a move you have to do it soon. I think you're already probably too late. Get her number. Bartenders and waitresses will not give that out so easily because they get asked for it often. If she shoots you down play it cool and then you'll know. Oh, don't be sorry. That's why I asked for all of your opinions. Yes, I know a bartender gets hit on ALL the time. No surprise here I have seen it all. Plus, I already became a regular before she started working there. She knows I don't play "giving more tips because a bartender is very flirty" game. I wasn't even hitting on her, we just talked and happened to click. I am not interested into getting her number because if everyone else asked for her numbers, I am not asking for one. (she already have my number though). I have her Facebook profile instead (because I asked for Facebook profile instead of a number). I might be too late, but I am not afraid to make a move this time, so I will play it cool on Friday and see how things go.
kolleamm Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Oh, don't be sorry. That's why I asked for all of your opinions. Yes, I know a bartender gets hit on ALL the time. No surprise here I have seen it all. Plus, I already became a regular before she started working there. She knows I don't play "giving more tips because a bartender is very flirty" game. I wasn't even hitting on her, we just talked and happened to click. I am not interested into getting her number because if everyone else asked for her numbers, I am not asking for one. (she already have my number though). I have her Facebook profile instead (because I asked for Facebook profile instead of a number). I might be too late, but I am not afraid to make a move this time, so I will play it cool on Friday and see how things go. I'd say even as the others make it out to be and put you in a position where the odds are against you I say still make your move as the only failure I believe would be to play it safe and spend the rest of your life wondering what if. If you don't get rejected you have her, if you do you at least learned how to read people better. If I were in your position I wouldn't hesitate even with the odds against me.
Author FocusStrider Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 I'd say even as the others make it out to be and put you in a position where the odds are against you I say still make your move as the only failure I believe would be to play it safe and spend the rest of your life wondering what if. If you don't get rejected you have her, if you do you at least learned how to read people better. If I were in your position I wouldn't hesitate even with the odds against me. Thank you. I appreciate all of your responses. I will keep you guys updated tomorrow. 1
Author FocusStrider Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 A update: Went to see the girl at her work, we talked for a while before she gets busy, but I told her that I think she is an awesome person and I would like to get to know her, and she said yes. I will be seeing her tomorrow. Hopefully this is a good start.
preraph Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 She's let you know she's not attached and she's agreed to do do something with you. That far exceeds just fishing for tips as long as she follows through. So go for it. Have that casual date and then have a more formal one. Of course, if where she bartends is a strip bar, then she is only after tips, but I don't get that from what you said.
Author FocusStrider Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 She's let you know she's not attached and she's agreed to do do something with you. That far exceeds just fishing for tips as long as she follows through. So go for it. Have that casual date and then have a more formal one. Of course, if where she bartends is a strip bar, then she is only after tips, but I don't get that from what you said. Not necessarily because she is a VERY shy person to start with, but you provided a valid point. Like I mentioned a few posts above I am being very cautious about this situation. I'm not the one who would become a prey to that tip thing and she already knew that from the start, so it's now a fair game. But, from what I have seen the past few days, I'd rather to have a casual date than jumping straight to a formal one, which means I am saving the formal one for down the road if things work out the way it is so far. (She works in regular bar that I have been a regular for like 3 years). If I gets rejected, so what. At least what I did is right.
Author FocusStrider Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 Update: I guess you all are right. I have been played. Can't believe it. I saw her again tonight... this time with a guy. I think she didn't expect to see me around and I didn't expect to see her around (the way her face expression told me.. she didn't expect to see me around)... oh well. Not much I can do except letting her go. I was very glad I didn't made a scene tonight because you have no idea how pissed I was. I was like.. "whatever, there's always more ladies out there." At least I tried (and knowing it is too late). well. time to move on.
Scales Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Don't feel too down man, it's a learning experience. You are definitely learning things about different types of women. Sounds like you're trying so I'm sure you can do well for yourself in the right environment. Cheers
Author FocusStrider Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) I am trying not to.. but it seems always a thing that is my failure.. Everything else I am doing SO GREAT... except the dating/relationship section.... not sure if it is a curse or something like that..... Edited January 1, 2015 by FocusStrider
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