NopeNah Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I was the dumper. Long on/off relationship(9+yrs). It had gotten to the point of having to walk on eggshell, she's constantly angry any more. Used to be soft spoken, now loud and constant foul language (in public). The only time she seems to be happy is either laying around her house or at a bar. She works,makes decent money, pays her bill's on time ect..but,no life outside of the before mentioned. She's been getting increasingly more verbally abusive when drinking . So, i ended it! Felt great! Like a giant,negative weight was lifted. She's called and texted me apologized for her behavior, ect but, I've heard it all before then a week or even a month later its 'rinse and repeat'. I'm exhausted by the rollercoaster! I know it's just the withdrawal of my "drug" and I guess this is more of a rant/release of my emotions.. Just more or less venting here instead of breaking NC for both her and my best interest.
carrie_o Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Good for you! I think off-and-on relationships are one of the hardest ones to quit! Congrats on being done!
Author NopeNah Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 When did you guys break up? x Just 4 days ago. This time. Haha
Author NopeNah Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Good for you! I think off-and-on relationships are one of the hardest ones to quit! Congrats on being done! They're not fun at all!
Dash23 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) Hope all is going as smooth as it possibly can for you. I can relate in many ways as your situation is very similar (but also very different) in many ways. I've was close/intimate with my ex on/off for about 10 years because she was constantly moving around, and we finally made it exclusive for the last year. Personally, the dumper's high for me starting wearing off about 6ish or so weeks after our final break up. Sure I was dating around and such, but I know what you mean, you start missing that companionship of someone you share so much history with and were comfortable with. Also, if other areas in your life are lacking (such as work, other stressors), it'll magnify missing her and will start giving you those rose tinted glasses for looking at your past together. In your case, she seems to be still wanting to get back, but your finally getting sick of the roller coaster ride and know what is going to happen once again as it's inevitable. My ex was similar to yours in the "egg shells" type of manner. I felt I couldn't completely be me because I was afraid of the "triggers" i would get from her with some of my jokes/expressions/personality traits. On the other hand, she lives life to the MAX and works abroad, never lays around, so I will say you definitely seem to have even more reason to permanently end this then I did even. I'm telling you right now though, as the dumper it can feel "easy" of course to remain "friends" with the dumpee. But once you start missing them in the slightest AND once you see something on facebook, like a new love interest in their lives, and you start to realize they are actually "moving on" themselves, it'll put you into panic mode, and you will start rethinking everything. I envy dumpers who are completely sure and they never look back. But the fact that you are writing on this message board proves you could put yourself into a relapse of sorts. When I realized my ex was moving on, and she dropped the bomb on me "we shouldn't be friends, maybe in the future, but for now I can't, I need to move on" and she met what seems to be the perfect match of a guy for her possible...........trust me...it'll make you feel like YOU got dumped rather then being the dumper. Just warning you, I'd get rid of her on FB, cut contact, etc. if you were the dumper. Edited July 10, 2014 by Dash23
Author NopeNah Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Knocked her off my FB as soon as I ended it. My work schedule has been insane busy lately. I own several different company's. Not all are exactly making "bank" but, I stay busy and do well for myself. I think that could actually be a factor in some of her resentment. I make my own hours,she works a set schedule. She doesn't understand what it takes to be your own boss(has always been a worker)..nothing wrong with that, by any means. I might lose $3000 one week...then make $10k the next,ect... She, In my mind, needs a more "safe" guy. I'm not built that way. I enjoy the risk/reward of doing my own thing.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 You're not compatible.. My ex would make & lose money & it drove me insane with worry & my drinking increased & it got nasty .. Not a lot of people can live like that x
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I think also u might feel very differently when one of your risks doesn't pay off & you lose everything & she's sitting comfortably knowing exactly where she is financially.. Do you work with stocks & shares or dodgy dealings? You would be classed high risk by most people when considering a RS with you.. With your risk taking & her drinking this is a recipe for disaster but you are both equally to blame here x
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