Gemini47 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Let me start by saying for the last 9 months I've been in a great relationship. I'm completely happy and I couldn't ask for anything more. I was on a walk today and I happened to run into a nice lady who was lost. We talked a bit and I helped her out on her way. As I said goodbye, she asked for my number and said we should get together. I gave her my number without hesitation. I'm wondering if it's a bad thing for me to meet this woman? I feel like it is. I wouldn't want my girlfriend to meet some other guy... I must say that I kind of want to meet her, I think it might be interesting to meet someone new. I'm kind of intrigued by this, however, I understand this could lead to something I regret. I'm confused, please let me know your thoughts.
GorillaTheater Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I don't know, man. Does your gf think it's wrong? 3
guest569 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Its fine as long as these ladies know you are unavailable. Just make that clear before giving out your number. But if this was nothing, you probably wouldn't be analysing it. Are you really just wanting to make a friend or is it more? Maybe ask your gf. If she is not happy, invite her along or some friends, party setting
BlueIris Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You're right that it's wrong. It was good that you considered how you would feel if your girlfriend had given a stranger her number and met up with him. 2
HappyLove Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Why would you ruin a great relationship of 9 months? You shouldn't have even took that phone number. She wasn't lost it was a set up to get your number. Are you for real this naive? You should have said what you would have liked your gf to say in the same situation, "Sorry I can't give my number out, I'm seeing someone." Wow, your poor gf. At least you had the sense to ask here first.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 What;s your real motivation for meeting this woman? I'm guessing it's not just a friendly coffee or you wouldn't be asking here. 3
BlueIris Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I wonder if what you might be getting at is... whether it’s okay to be in a happy relationship and also find yourself curious about or attracted to someone else. And on that (speculative) question, I’d say it’s normal to have feelings like that once in a while, but not act on them because something else is more important to you. People think and feel all kinds of things that they don’t act on. 3
Poppygoodwill Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Absolutely nothing wrong with having friends of either sex when you're in a relationship. As long as everything is on the up and up. You might have given her your number just becuase you're interested in meeting new people. But she might have asked for it because she's romantically interested in you. If you didn't mention "we" or "us" or your gf before or after you handed your number over, then - intentionally or not - you've created a false impression that you are romantically available. So what to do? tell the woman that you've got a gf before you go out. She might cancel and then you know. And tell your gf about it so she doesn't get surprised by the revelation of it down the line. And next time, be sure to work the collective noun "we" into the conversation up front so there's no confusion about your relationship status. Then if things proceed, you can be confident they are for the right reasons. 1
Elle1975 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Do you plan on getting together with this woman in the company of your girlfriend?
MissBee Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) The fact that you're having these thoughts suggests it is a problem. Have you told your gf about this woman? Did your gf come up in conversation or does the woman think you're single? I don't think anything is inherently wrong with opposite sex friendships but in healthy relationships you're open and transparent with your significant other about it and it's not anything you do behind their backs...likewise you're clear with these people that you're taken and most hanging out won't be done one on one. It's one thing when the person was a friend from work or school before you started dating but for me to go to the park and meet some guy and then exchange numbers and then say I'm "intrigued" to go hang out with him....I mean...of course it's bizarre. But if it was friendly, I'd somehow bring up my bf in convo so he doesn't get the wrong idea and I'd tell my bf I met some guy and any hanging out would be where I invite this dude to a party I'm having or some group thing and I'd suggest he becomes friends with my bf too, but not "See you later bf, going to the movies/lunch/dinner with guy from the park I met..." As a couple, to be on the safer side, any new opposite sex friends should be friends of the couple and not just the one partner of the opposite gender. Edited July 9, 2014 by MissBee
MissBee Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 What;s your real motivation for meeting this woman? I'm guessing it's not just a friendly coffee or you wouldn't be asking here. Right. No one refers to the prospect of making "new friends" as "intriguing" . Sorry I'm only intrigued by men I'm attracted to... My other male friends are people whom I've become friends with in quite natural ways, through school, work, their gfs or other more general social settings and where exchanging numbers came over a period of time of knowing them and having to have it for a specific reason. It has never been as deliberate as some one on one walk in the park, exchange of numbers etc for the sake of friendship. 1
Zahara Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 This girlfriend -- is she the one you made a thread about in January about not seeing her as long term. As in you just enjoying her because she provides great companionship? If it is, then it's probably why you're intrigued by other women. You're not fully invested. 2
firmness Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You should not do this if you are in a relationship that you intend to be a LTR. The mostly silly old school reasons (mostly born of the 1970's) say that it is about your intentions / how would you feel / what if she found out, etc. I take a slightly different view that takes into account two sides: 1. Me. If I am entertaining thoughts of a relationship, however seemingly innocent, with another woman, then this is opening myself up to temptation. Not the old style biblical temptation, but temptation that I do not want or need in my life at any level. If you take her seriously you will avoid any and all temptation. That is if you are taking your current woman seriously. 2. Her. Our job as partners is to make our other half feel safe - among other things. If your mind is elsewhere, she will sense it. Just as you would if she was "distracted". We might not be able to put a finger on what is bothering us, but we know when someone is with us or not with us, if you know what i mean. The political messages we have gotten over the past 2-3 decades says that we cannot and should not try to control who our partners interact with - even same sex friends. I agree. But I also watch my girlfriend very carefully. No games, no questions, no ultimatums, tricks or gimmicks - I just watch. If I sense something and see something that makes me uncomfortable, I am out. Period, end of story. I will not judge her. I just refuse to be in a relationship with a woman who makes me feel not safe. That is her job - the same way it is my job. If you cannot do this very basic job, then you do not belong in a committed relationship. It is that simple. No judgments, no punishments, no yelling or name calling. Just get out. If you are doing this now, you will do it again. If you do it again, you will by definition be on the proverbial slippery slope. Good luck with that. 2
Versacehottie Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Messy. my gut says>>>> um, yes, as you described it, yes
soccerrprp Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) Let me start by saying for the last 9 months I've been in a great relationship. I'm completely happy and I couldn't ask for anything more. I was on a walk today and I happened to run into a nice lady who was lost. We talked a bit and I helped her out on her way. As I said goodbye, she asked for my number and said we should get together. I gave her my number without hesitation. I'm wondering if it's a bad thing for me to meet this woman? I feel like it is. I wouldn't want my girlfriend to meet some other guy... I must say that I kind of want to meet her, I think it might be interesting to meet someone new. I'm kind of intrigued by this, however, I understand this could lead to something I regret. I'm confused, please let me know your thoughts. Confused my arse! You know exactly what you're doing and you even explain the negatives in your own post. I can't believe the crap people pull...you are on your way to cheating and becoming a cheater. Spare your current wonderful gf your bs! BTW, what you are doing, have done, etc. is common-sense NO GO. Common sense... Edited July 10, 2014 by soccerrprp 4
changchewsoon Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Well, you said you wouldn't want your girlfriend to meet some guy but here you are posting about you giving out you number to another girl with the possibility of meeting up. That is double standard. 2
Mrin Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Don't. Bad idea. Only thing good that can come of it is a 3way with your GF and this lady.
SmartDude Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Let me start by saying for the last 9 months I've been in a great relationship. I'm completely happy and I couldn't ask for anything more. I was on a walk today and I happened to run into a nice lady who was lost. We talked a bit and I helped her out on her way. As I said goodbye, she asked for my number and said we should get together. I gave her my number without hesitation. I'm wondering if it's a bad thing for me to meet this woman? I feel like it is. I wouldn't want my girlfriend to meet some other guy... I must say that I kind of want to meet her, I think it might be interesting to meet someone new. I'm kind of intrigued by this, however, I understand this could lead to something I regret. I'm confused, please let me know your thoughts. You could try and examine why you gave out your number without hesitation. I am betting you have not done this with other women since being in this relationship? Or have you? Was it because she made it convenient by her running into you? Is anything different in your life?
littleplanet Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Let me start by saying for the last 9 months I've been in a great relationship. I'm completely happy and I couldn't ask for anything more. I was on a walk today and I happened to run into a nice lady who was lost. We talked a bit and I helped her out on her way. As I said goodbye, she asked for my number and said we should get together. I gave her my number without hesitation. I'm wondering if it's a bad thing for me to meet this woman? I feel like it is. I wouldn't want my girlfriend to meet some other guy... I must say that I kind of want to meet her, I think it might be interesting to meet someone new. I'm kind of intrigued by this, however, I understand this could lead to something I regret. I'm confused, please let me know your thoughts. I've been happily coupled forever. I meet new people all the time. The reason it doesn't confuse me is that I know exactly where my bottom line is. (And so does my missus.) Which is why we get to meet interesting new people all the time. BUT - there is no agenda (on our part or theirs.) And if there was? Nix on the whole idea. So measure your own responses. Were you attracted......that way? Was she? If the answer is yes to either, then consider the consequences (and act accordingly.) Life throws us choices. We get to choose our priorities. It doesn't mean we have to hide ourselves away in a box. It does mean we have to know ourselves well enough to know what we can handle, and what we can't (and why.) Also, two other things: You gave out your number without hesitation - impulsively. Not necessarily a bad thing, but again, depending on the agenda. You wouldn't like your girlfriend meeting someone that way............ but which way is that? Attracted? As if..........her actions betrayed that she wasn't quite satisfied with you? Something to think about. I recall life with my very first girlfriend. I was rather young (highschool senior.) I was a very gregarious, sociable guy. Friendly. I used to meet girls all the time, stop and talk, and so on. Did that ever cause trouble with the girlfriend? Nope. Reason why: I told her that no matter how attractive or charming or whatever - that I found any other girl......I didn't want them. I wanted her. And I meant it. And she knew it. That's the difference. 1
TigerLilly78 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I've been happily coupled forever. I meet new people all the time. The reason it doesn't confuse me is that I know exactly where my bottom line is. (And so does my missus.) Which is why we get to meet interesting new people all the time. BUT - there is no agenda (on our part or theirs.) And if there was? Nix on the whole idea. So measure your own responses. Were you attracted......that way? Was she? If the answer is yes to either, then consider the consequences (and act accordingly.) Life throws us choices. We get to choose our priorities. It doesn't mean we have to hide ourselves away in a box. It does mean we have to know ourselves well enough to know what we can handle, and what we can't (and why.) Also, two other things: You gave out your number without hesitation - impulsively. Not necessarily a bad thing, but again, depending on the agenda. You wouldn't like your girlfriend meeting someone that way............ but which way is that? Attracted? As if..........her actions betrayed that she wasn't quite satisfied with you? Something to think about. I recall life with my very first girlfriend. I was rather young (highschool senior.) I was a very gregarious, sociable guy. Friendly. I used to meet girls all the time, stop and talk, and so on. Did that ever cause trouble with the girlfriend? Nope. Reason why: I told her that no matter how attractive or charming or whatever - that I found any other girl......I didn't want them. I wanted her. And I meant it. And she knew it. That's the difference. This post makes the most sense out of most to me here there is nothing wrong with making friends but you have to have boundaries..
Noproblem Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 is the lost lady happens to be hot and beautiful. Because I know you wouldn't bother to help her otherwise!
Diezel Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Lost lady is probably never going to contact you anyway, but it's the principle that matters. I love it because when women do this, "Oh, it's just a friend". When it's men, it's TEMPTATION. Well, it is... if she reaches out to you, just let it go. Don't reach back if you are serious about your relationship.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I will tell you from the other side. I have a male co-worker that I get along really well with. He is also in a serious long term relationship and it's clear that he loves his gf. I don't see him as a romantic prospect (not sure if I would even if he was single). He asked me to spend time together outside of work in the company of his gf. I hang out with both of them few times. Sometimes in groups. Two of us have lunches and coffees alone during work hours but never spend time alone outside of work. His gf is lovely and everything is in plain sight. I don't feel that there is anything wrong with our friendship - transparency is the key. 1
Author Gemini47 Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 I guess this was the "old" me shinning through. The prospect of a distressed lady coming on to me was something I could never pass up back in the day (pre-relationship)- blame this on most men thinking with their other brain....This happened all so unexpected that it was almost second nature to do so. When I got back from the walk I posted this question not soon after. As the day went on and I thought about it more I got sick to my stomach. Distressed "woe-is-me" girl has not messaged me (she has my #, I didn't ask for hers in return...). If she does (which I doubt), I don't intend to message back. I have a good thing going on and I can't let any temptress ladies make me think with my man parts. Plus those areas are well taken care of by my great gf (tmi, I know, lol). Thanks to all for taking the time to read and write great responses.
serial muse Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I guess this was the "old" me shinning through. The prospect of a distressed lady coming on to me was something I could never pass up back in the day (pre-relationship)- blame this on most men thinking with their other brain....This happened all so unexpected that it was almost second nature to do so. When I got back from the walk I posted this question not soon after. As the day went on and I thought about it more I got sick to my stomach. Distressed "woe-is-me" girl has not messaged me (she has my #, I didn't ask for hers in return...). If she does (which I doubt), I don't intend to message back. I have a good thing going on and I can't let any temptress ladies make me think with my man parts. Plus those areas are well taken care of by my great gf (tmi, I know, lol). Thanks to all for taking the time to read and write great responses. It's good that you're letting this go. I think you answered your own question. I was wondering, though, whether you mentioned to this woman -- before she asked you to get together -- that you've even got a girlfriend? (Seems a bit unfair to say she's a temptress if she didn't know you're not available.) I think that, in future, if you hesitate to mention to a new person that you're with someone, that's probably because your intentions are not ...um, pure. A good way to check in with yourself. 1
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