Real deal Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 So I don't know what to think or do or deal with this....such a sucky feeling..here's the story..I love my fiancée a lot but every now and then his ex pops up.at first it didn't bother me at all and I really didn't care for her at all she's been a druggy and that why fiancée left her.now and then she'll call it would piss me off cause us to fight and fiancée said he doesn't love her anymore and I'm the woman for him blah blah blah...so this mornin we got mail and I seen a letter from her and I asked him if they still talked n his like she's been trying to call and I finally answered and his like don't worry she's in jail but she asked me if she could write me letter from jail and I said yes....he gave me the letter to read just because I seen otherwise he would have hid it...I feel like I'm second best I even told him that but he says I'm being crazy and I should feel that way because there is nothing going on that he's just helping her out coz she's in jail...like I'm so pissed I'm not even wearing my engagement ring...what to do???:( my feelings are hurt.
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Put the brakes on your engagement until you sort this out. Many deposits are non-refundable after a certain point. Don't throw good money after bad. Since you read the letter, your FI clearly isn't hiding anything Is there anything short of him never communicating with her again that would give you peace? If not, unless he's willing to do that -- which he hasn't been so far -- you probably shouldn't marry him because she will be around forever. 1
yessy21 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Put the brakes on your engagement until you sort this out. Many deposits are non-refundable after a certain point. Don't throw good money after bad. Since you read the letter, your FI clearly isn't hiding anything Is there anything short of him never communicating with her again that would give you peace? If not, unless he's willing to do that -- which he hasn't been so far -- you probably shouldn't marry him because she will be around forever. Its either her or you. that simple.
redbaron005 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) So I don't know what to think or do or deal with this....such a sucky feeling..here's the story..I love my fiancée a lot but every now and then his ex pops up.at first it didn't bother me at all and I really didn't care for her at all she's been a druggy and that why fiancée left her.now and then she'll call it would piss me off cause us to fight and fiancée said he doesn't love her anymore and I'm the woman for him blah blah blah...so this mornin we got mail and I seen a letter from her and I asked him if they still talked n his like she's been trying to call and I finally answered and his like don't worry she's in jail but she asked me if she could write me letter from jail and I said yes....he gave me the letter to read just because I seen otherwise he would have hid it...I feel like I'm second best I even told him that but he says I'm being crazy and I should feel that way because there is nothing going on that he's just helping her out coz she's in jail...like I'm so pissed I'm not even wearing my engagement ring...what to do???:( my feelings are hurt. You need to make it very clear to him that: (1) You see him staying in touch with his ex as keeping her around as an option; (2) That in turn makes you an option, which means he does not love you enough to make you the only one; and, (3) That you are not willing to marry someone who is not completely dedicated to you. (4) This is emotionally important to you and if he wants to (A) keep the engagement; and (B) cares about you and how you feel, he will forever sever ties with his ex. Period. If he says he has to think about it, end the engagement. If he says no end the engagement. You need to be firm on this, because if he doesn't care about how you feel now what will it be like once you're married...exactly. Edited July 9, 2014 by redbaron005 Sp.
Author Real deal Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 So we had a talk last night and I told him the writing letter thing will have to stop and went ahead and told him not to talk to her either I don't care if she rots in jail coz she's caused us a lot of fights and I hate fighting...he agreed and said he will tell her that I don't want her writing....and honestly that gave me a little bit of peace and I hope he keeps it that way...we have two little girls together and I don't know why people do this.when we first got together I told him I don't do exes at all they are in my past and they stay there and that's how I am I don't communicate with them because I don't want to give them hope or a mayb...so he said he will tell her so let's wait and see coz I always find **** out....
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