Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 My new boyfriend makes a lot of effort but I think he fails to " read" in between the lines. For instance, we've been dating for quite a while, but at this stage I might call it just dating. The other week he came to my house uninvited, knew I was sick, brought lemon, honey and ginger ( which was lovely of him) but did not call or text first. I do not like for this. The day before I went out on a date with him but was feeling sick. Despite telling him this three or four times, he extended my stay and did not allow me to go home even though I was anxious to leave. I'm starting to feel that he is perhaps possessive? Or showing early signs. He now makes me feel uncomfortable when he is in close proximity. When I say that i am busy he wants to know why..i feel even though we are early and i wanted " no pressure" I FEEL pressured. What's the difference of having an accurate hunch or misinterpreting feelings? Thanks team
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 If you are uncomfortable, you are uncomfortable. Perhaps before dumping him you could set clearer boundaries. Tell him you don't appreciate having him just drop by. I hate that too. I don't understand why you couldn't leave during the date. Get up, call a cab or a friend & leave. Unless you were chained to a chair, you had choices.
HappyLove Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Go by how you feel. You should not feel uncomfortable around this person. Not a good sign.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 If you are uncomfortable, you are uncomfortable. Perhaps before dumping him you could set clearer boundaries. Tell him you don't appreciate having him just drop by. I hate that too. I don't understand why you couldn't leave during the date. Get up, call a cab or a friend & leave. Unless you were chained to a chair, you had choices. We were at a picnic. He has a bit of a rapey hair cut. Before I didn't care. Now when i look at him my stomach is filled with dread.
melodymatters Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 LOL, oh my goodness, what on earth does a "rapey" haircut look like ? Seriously, listen to your gut ! If all you feel is dread than this is CLEARLY not the right relationship or person for you ! 4
Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 My new boyfriend makes a lot of effort but I think he fails to " read" in between the lines. Men don't read between the lines. For instance, we've been dating for quite a while, but at this stage I might call it just dating. The other week he came to my house uninvited, knew I was sick, brought lemon, honey and ginger ( which was lovely of him) but did not call or text first. You should have said: Honey thank you for caring soo much but next time please call or text. I don't like being caught off guard, even with you. The day before I went out on a date with him but was feeling sick. Despite telling him this three or four times, he extended my stay and did not allow me to go home even though I was anxious to leave. What did you tell him 3 times? That you were sick or that you wanted to leave? Telling him you feel sick 100 times is not the same as <take me home now please>. If he insists on keeping you you just say it again < bring me home now please or I will take a taxi> He now makes me feel uncomfortable when he is in close proximity. When I say that i am busy he wants to know why..i feel even though we are early and i wanted " no pressure" I FEEL pressured. Pressured to what? You've been dating for a while, if you tell him he's busy than I think there is nothing wrong for him to ask what you're doing, it's not that he wants to take control of you, he is just taking interest in what you do. I text 'what you doing' to my friends, my kid, boyfriend, siblings, it's not to control them. It's a conversation starter. 6
contact1 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I love how some women think guys can read their minds, talk to him for crying out loud! 3
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I communicate sufficiently. I was always told that men don't like to talk about feelings so I shoot straight from the hip & tell him black & white. I said I wanted to go home because I hadn't been feeling well and hadn't been feeling well for a while. I said i wanted to go home a few times. He told me to stay..
Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I communicate sufficiently. I was always told that men don't like to talk about feelings so I shoot straight from the hip & tell him black & white. I said I wanted to go home because I hadn't been feeling well and hadn't been feeling well for a while. I said i wanted to go home a few times. He told me to stay.. You know, some people are like that. I go to my brother and they insist I stay for dinner, I say no thanks but they insist and insist to no end, I just get up and thank them and leave. You just had to get up, grab your purse, say honey I mean it, I am leaving, you're bringing me or I call a cab? The next time he will know when you say something you mean it. 1
Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I communicate sufficiently. I was always told that men don't like to talk about feelings so I shoot straight from the hip & tell him black & white. I said I wanted to go home because I hadn't been feeling well and hadn't been feeling well for a while. I said i wanted to go home a few times. He told me to stay.. And I apologize for insisting but straight shooters talk the talk and walk the walk. You talked but then let him win the argument. You had to just walk out.
SammySammy Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 And I apologize for insisting but straight shooters talk the talk and walk the walk. You talked but then let him win the argument. You had to just walk out. Right. Part of setting boundaries is that your boundaries need to have consequences if crossed. Communicate clearly and then take action if ignored. Taking action is just as important as communicating clearly. Don't expect men to read between the lines.
Targetlock Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 you really need to put your foot down on this and make your voice heard.
BlueIris Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I agree. Say, “I’m sick. I need to go home.” It doesn’t have to have an angry edge, just be clear. If he drove, and he wouldn’t take you home after that clear a statement, frankly, I’d break up with him and find a man who cares more. 2
guest569 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 All of that aside, i am more concerned about your feelings of discomfort around him. You should trust your instincts.. From what you have said he sounds a bit clingy or too intense too soon. Most importantly, what is a rapey haircut?! 2
ivalm Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Most importantly, what is a rapey haircut?! This. I NEED to know.. 1
Keenly Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I know I'll probably be lambasted for this, but it sounds more like YOU are being difficult than it does your boyfriend not reading your mind. 3
Tayla Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 MayI kindly suggest accepting your feelings. Usually adults will say "I feel this way when (insert behavior/action)" Basically no one is accountable for your feelings. Regard them in others yes, but accountable, nope. His action of stopping by is a Welcoming gesture to most. It sounds like you though prefer to keep your privacy. That is certainly your choice. Be open to life's little changes and address it to him that you have certain preferances.
jay1983 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Your boyfriend asks you what your busy with and you feel that's inappropriate? 2
jay1983 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 It's clear you don't like him. If you don't like this guy, break it off. You don't have to come up with a bunch of lame excuses and try to get people to agree with you. 1
leavesonautumn Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Going to agree with the other posters suggesting that you learn to communicate better. No one can read your mind, no matter how much we wish they could sometimes . However, if you do communicate how you feel and he still makes you feel uncomfortable then don't feel pressured into staying with him either. I'm getting the feeling that you may not even be that interested. Maybe talk to him about it first and see how you feel after that.
todreaminblue Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 he is sensing you aretn feeling comfortable and he is now questioning why when you say you are busy ....to me a boyfriend coming over unannounced is a nice surprise most of the time if i am not decent(in pjs) ill make sure i am before they walk through the door ill ask them to just wait a minute.....if i am sick and a boyfriend would turn up ....its just sweetness personified in my mind...thoughtful and sweet..........i do like to know if i am going to be a hostess..... but surprises are part of life.....i dont begrudge people turning up unannounced now and again if they continually caught me not decent...then i would just say at least give me five minutes down the road........i have had friends turn up at midnight seeking advice ...and i never stop them ...i am here and they need me so yeah i am here.....when i say that i mean it......i would suggest you have a talk and be honest with him.....before cutting him loose i dont think its fair of you to do that...when it could be easily solved with a bit of honesty.........best wishes....deb.
SensitiveTJ Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 The bets are on: I think it's a Robin Thicke haircut Sweet. I've been rockin' mine for a couple months now.
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