misspennylane Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 I have a very good friend...however he is the most confusing person I have ever met! We have a strong attraction to each other, which has been evident from the beginning of our friendship. Anyways, he is a very sarcastic person and often makes comments to me that are pretty mean, but I know he's always joking. Lately, its been getting out of control and it feels like he is constantly berating me with comments... It really feels like he is going out of his way to pick on me...he acts like a little boy in grade school, even though we're in college... When he's drunk, he gets really nice and touchy- feely with me, telling me he really likes me, and being really sweet... but then when he's sober he goes back to constantly making fun of me. I'm SO confused. I don't know what to do about it either. I love him as a friend, and I'm really attracted to him as well which makes things difficult. Also, before we go out he'll be like, "yeah I'm gonna pick up a girl tonight,' and he'll constantly comment on girls he thinks are attractive, but then he ends up just flirting with me the whole time and then also he gets really jealous when I take an interest in any guy or if they take an interest in me. Its all soo very confusing. And i feel like I'm in grade school again. AH. Help.
gridiron Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 This is just part of his flirting. Take a look from his perspective, he's been doing this the whole time and you are still attracted to him. So in his mind, it is working. If it is crossing over from being playful to being hurtful or is just a bit too much, you can a) tell him straight up that you think it's fun most of the time, but there are times when you are not in the mood for this and he needs to tone it down, b) don't laugh or respond to it, and/or c) respond back by dishing it back out to him and see how he takes it.
SuperFantastico Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 He probably likes you, but is too selfconcious/shy/er...whatever to actually get the balls together to ask you out. Maybe he has a fear of commitment. Who know. Add him to the 'just friends' catagory and get yourself a real man.
misspennylane Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 well, i told him once that I had feelings for him, which may or may not have been a mistake...but something had to happen... he told me that he was attracted to me and he had feelings for me too (he was drunk, by the way) but that he didn't want a relationship, but he still wants us to act on these feelings.....and so I replied that that was not what I wanted. So, I expected things to just go back to normal, and we'd continue our friendship...but he stills acts the SAME way and does the same things when he is drunk. I want to be his friend, but I don't know if I can put up with all the mind games. It doesn't help that he lives like two doors down from me and I have a few classes with him as well, I have dinner and lunch with him every day....we're basically never apart. I think that the best way is for us to just be platonic, but it feels like he's still messing with my mind....
SuperFantastico Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Tell him to stop it then. Im sure it will piss him off but you have to put your foot down ultimatum style. Tell him we are friends or we are girlfriend/boyfriend. But not some twisted version of both. No FWB....unless you'd like that which it seems you wouldnt. Drop that zero and get yourself a hero(i use to watch all those talk shows )
greeneyedgirl23 Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 I know how it feels to have an attraction to a friend. i am in love with my best guy friend. Just let him know that you enjoy his attention, but maybe he could be nicer to you because you can only take so much joking around before your feelings get hurt. He should understand. I know that my friends like to see how far they can poke me because im a little feisty at times and poke back. but usually they just like the reaction i give to them. Maybe if you dont show a reaction he will stop, its worth a shot! as for his drunk touchy feely stuff, I think he may have feelings for you but is too immature to come out and tell you.
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