throwitaway Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I've been going through probably the most trying ordeal of my life in the past 4 months, getting over the breakup of a girl I loved with all my heart. I kept asking myself questions, why did she walk away? Why can't we be together if we loved each other? Why is she dating other guys? Here's the thing. I ended up seeing her yesterday after two months NC. I saw her out at a bar, and could have ignored her or chosen to walk away, but I decided to speak with her. The whole conversation was awkward and I realized that nothing had changed since the breakup, even though we hadn't spoken for months, that she was still in the same place; lost and confused. But more importantly, I finally found the answer to why things went the way they did. The answer was simple: What she wanted was not in line with what I wanted. I think she picked up a smoking habit, and it was then that I realized how she had wanted to smoke cigarettes many times when I was with her but I hated it. She wanted to be and become something that I wasn't compatible with, and that is totally and completely okay. Honestly, I feel like a bloody fool having wasted all this emotional energy over the past few months stressing and hoping over when she would contact me, when really the point of NC was not to think about whether or not she was missing me (which I could tell she had thought about me and had checked up on what I was up to by our conversation) but instead to fully separate my life from hers. Please listen to what people here on LS have to say... It really is true. Nothing you can do will make them come back, because that's not the way it's supposed to be. And you may find that the person they change into after the breakup (and they WILL change) is not someone you want to be with. In my case, I don't want to be with who she is now or becoming, and I'm okay with that. I wish her all the best... and am grateful for the special time we shared together. Now, onto my own life.. Don't chase women, chase your dreams and love will follow. 3
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I'm glad you got the closure you sought. It can be a huge step toward healing.
NC-Thomas Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Nice of you to share your story, I has some good advice embedded! Closure is something you have to create and find in yourself, it cannot be sought in someone else. Keep on going mate!
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Don't chase women, chase your dreams and love will follow. Dude, that is an AWESOME saying. People should take that to heart. I'm gonna remember that. I might steal it!
Author throwitaway Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 I woke up today, feeling nothing. I broke down yesterday and had intermittent anxiety in waves the entire day, as if I was missing something.. and I realized I was missing the hope that one day things would return to normal. As if I was so afraid of being alone, that I clung to the hope that I wouldn't have to be. Breaking up with someone you shared everything hurts, a lot. But that person that I loved is gone -- and that is okay. People change, and not always for the better. I accept that there was nothing I could -- or should -- have done to prevent the change. I'm still a little unsettled, but I have a feeling that will go away increasingly with time. It comes from the idea that being alone is scary, which it really isn't. Most people who are shattered after a breakup long for the closeness and companionship that the other person provided, even though if it didn't work out, there were clearly issues which would have made things suffer in the long term. I look forward to finding the woman who matches my values, who can love me as much as I love her, and who deserves the enormous love and affection I have to give.. and not take what I have to offer for granted. Don't know if I'm using LS as a blog or what, but this definitely has made me feel more comfortable.
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