Mommame2 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 If you were hard up financially and your wedding ring was stolen....what would your husband do? I got my insurance check. He used the money to pay bills for his company. Since then...I have gone without a ring. I have a job in the public eye....and he hasn't said a word. He hasn't even attempted to replace it (even with a fake)...... I mentioned that I was feeling weird about not having one and he simply shrugged. We are going on 6 months this way now. I just had my birthday and I didn't get a thing (other than dinner and perfume).
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 With all the things that you have posted about this guy, I think what he should do next is read the divorce papers you serve on him, assume you worked out the child care piece for when you become a single mom. 1
MissBee Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Why does it matter what other people's husbands would do? The only thing that matters is that YOUR husband is quite unconcerned about it and it seems to bother you, therefore you need to talk to him about it OR based on everything you've posted about him, leave this man and be done with all of this. 1
MidwestUSA Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I'm not sure why you keep revisiting these topics, you have more than enough to tell you to move on. If YOU got the insurance check, why didn't YOU control how it was spent? Does a ring from this guy mean anything to you at this point? How's the divorce progressing?
Author Mommame2 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I know..I don't know why I keep needing to feel reassured about my decision. I have my Mother telling me that I am (in so many words) being selfish and that I'm making a mistake. She has really gotten into my head. And I have my husband crying...complaining...telling me that I'm overreacting to the problems we've had. But, here I am complaining about the darn ring and the real elephant in the room is that I told him yesterday that I got another threat of legal action from someone who we owe money to ....and he texted back "I'm sorry".... Not "Let me help. What can I do? What is the solution?" Instead I got a simple "I'm sorry" He then proceeded to make sure that I had an excellent salad prepared for dinner because he knew "I was dealing with a lot of stress"... As for the divorce...It will be final on Aug 20th. I still have no idea how to handle the child care element. I bounce back and forth and have considered an au pair...but it all costs so much money. I feel very scared about how to handle it but I have to get a plan together before the court date.
harrybrown Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I am confused as usual. You are getting divorced in August and want your H to get you a wedding ring before the D is final? I am glad that he made a salad, but if you are divorcing, I do not understand about the ring. Talk to your mother again. She is probably on your side, she cares about you and wants good things for you. 1
Author Mommame2 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 My story is complicated. He wanted me to file just so he could escape some financial problems and that once I solve them...we would just get back together. He thinks it is semantics. For me ...despite my therapy...I keep finding myself falling back into denial. Thinking that maybe I should just stay and not cause all of this drama for my family. I think I was looking at the ring as an example that he must not REALLY care about me...and there for I need to REALLY divorce. I'm grasping for straws and I struggle to stay out of denial.
MissBee Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I know..I don't know why I keep needing to feel reassured about my decision. I have my Mother telling me that I am (in so many words) being selfish and that I'm making a mistake. She has really gotten into my head. And I have my husband crying...complaining...telling me that I'm overreacting to the problems we've had. But, here I am complaining about the darn ring and the real elephant in the room is that I told him yesterday that I got another threat of legal action from someone who we owe money to ....and he texted back "I'm sorry".... Not "Let me help. What can I do? What is the solution?" Instead I got a simple "I'm sorry" He then proceeded to make sure that I had an excellent salad prepared for dinner because he knew "I was dealing with a lot of stress"... As for the divorce...It will be final on Aug 20th. I still have no idea how to handle the child care element. I bounce back and forth and have considered an au pair...but it all costs so much money. I feel very scared about how to handle it but I have to get a plan together before the court date. If you're getting divorced why do you need to replace your wedding ring?
Author Mommame2 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I know..I don't. But in my denial about the divorce...I think I secretly wished he would come to his senses and surprise me with a ring and tell me he wants to fight for us. But, obviously.....that hasn't happened. Instead ...I get an "I'm sorry" text when I tell him I'm about to be sued... I think if he really wanted us to work...he would have agreed to therapy when I requested it and done more than make me a salad for dinner...right?
Targetlock Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 he seems to have given up in my opinion, that is not something you should shrug and not be bother about it my opinion.
Author Mommame2 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 The only option is to continue living like we currently are...and for some reason sometimes (in my denial) I actually think that is a good idea. I don't understand why I don't have better hope ... and plans for my future. I really need to grow a pair.... if I am honest with myself.
dichotomy Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) I am going to avoid the more complicated parts of this story Get a faux ring set? Many people on those fake jewelry sites buy them for traveling or when working in hazardous places they don't want to damage their real set. Sorry for the rest of what's going on. . Edited July 9, 2014 by dichotomy
MissBee Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I know..I don't. But in my denial about the divorce...I think I secretly wished he would come to his senses and surprise me with a ring and tell me he wants to fight for us. But, obviously.....that hasn't happened. Instead ...I get an "I'm sorry" text when I tell him I'm about to be sued... I think if he really wanted us to work...he would have agreed to therapy when I requested it and done more than make me a salad for dinner...right? Mommane...it's time you start trusting yourself instead of needing constant reassurance from others about things you already know. Sometimes we have to know when to throw the towel in and when to stop beating a dead horse.
FitChick Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Your mother doesn't want you to get divorced because she fears your moving in with her to get free childcare.
Author Mommame2 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Nahh....we live on opposite sides of the country and she knows that my job/career is here.. So that's not her concern. She's very, very Catholic. She says my husband is "my cross to bear".
aussietigerwolf Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Umm... Your husband wants to divorce so he can escape some financial problems? Are you going to be stuck with these problems? Were they your fault? I haven't read anything else about him but already he sounds like my ex. There was no money for bills, necessities and literally almost no money for food. All because he spent ALL the money on himself and it was still my fault that we had nothing. My point is that if these financial problems are not caused by you then make the divorce final and you will be better off.
Author Mommame2 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 No the financial problems were both our faults. I was the enabler but they were not directly caused by me. He sees it as a logistics thing... And I think he sees it as just a legal separation instead of an actual divorce. However he is fully aware that he needs to get a separate apartment to prove to the courts that we don't live together. I'm going to attempt to resolve the financial issues without filing bankruptcy as he wants.. A lawyer friend of mine said that it does happen where people play the legal system like this... But I just find it very lonely and sad.
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