lovebug_5858 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Hey Guys! If you don't remember me or my story you can look at my threads but basically the same old same old, I was with a guy for close to 4 years and he ended up leaving, not much of an explanation but he "just wasn't happy anymore" and "didn't have the same feelings." It was really tough in the beginning and I cried almost everyday. At about 24 days no contact I ended up seeing him. It wasn't a mistake because I was able to see him in a completely new light- nothing was the same. Without going into too much detail, just know that the person you are killing yourself over and dying to be with is no longer alive. That person has in essence, died. As another poster said, the ex you see in front of you is merely a ghost of someone you loved very much. It has been a month and 2 weeks since our last break up but we had broken up many times before that, I always begged him back. After doing NC for those 24 days you see everything in a new light and after seeing him, I had no hope. I no longer wanted to be with him, I wanted nothing to do with him. I blocked his number and deleted everything that reminded me of him because I was simply done. I don't ever want him back, I love him, or well, who he used to be. But I realize that that time has ended and it is time to be happy again and more importantly, move on. For any girl or guy that is feeling like your heart has been crushed into a million pieces and feeling like you and only you is feeling that pain- you're not the only one, and more importantly you will get through it. No one can give you happiness but yourself, heal yourself and become a better and happier you. Like many posters before me have said, It does get better. 4
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I invite any and everyone to share their success stories as well. If you and your ex are back together and its working out great for you guys then awesome! I am truly happy that you're happy! But you guys too! I'm referring to those of you, who like me, have found the strength to move on within yourself.
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 What have you been doing since you started NC? What positive changes have you been making? By the way, I love the energy on this thread, you sound great! 1
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 What have you been doing since you started NC? What positive changes have you been making? By the way, I love the energy on this thread, you sound great! When I first began NC, deep down inside I still wanted him to come back. So I didn't do too much moving on, other than basically forcing myself not to contact him. I did though, try to occupy my time with other things. I studied so much and picked up extra shifts at work, and when I would be feeling lonely, instead of laying in bed crying (as I would before) I would go watch a movie with my siblings, or watch Netflix, something funny. Another part of that was also my daily postings on my thread. Just anything really to keep my mind occupied. Now, that I could care less if he ever comes back (much less, do I want him to) I am continuing to keep myself occupied. Taking on 6 classes next semester :confused: (wish me luck!) and applying for nursing in September . I'm so focused on becoming a better and happier me. Truly letting go and moving on is the most liberating and happy feeling I have felt in a looooong time and that decision has opened up so many more doors for me. Thank you, btw I also see that I do sound 100x better than when I first began posting on here. 1
Moonborn Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Thank you for sharing this. I am coping relatively well, but tomorrow I have the last exam I need to take for my master degree and I would lie if I said that I have been able to totally focus on studying. My no contact has been only about 6 days though so I guess it's normal. I remember how you were at first, so seeing you like this is definitely a good source of inspiration . 1
erklat Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 What have you been doing since you started NC? What positive changes have you been making? By the way, I love the energy on this thread, you sound great! Yeah but she is like three weeks NC and this could simply be a first up day so she sounds ecstatic about it. I hope she remains that way but in spite all the great advice that can be found here, you're not grieving over four years rs in three weeks. 3
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Yeah but she is like three weeks NC and this could simply be a first up day so she sounds ecstatic about it. I hope she remains that way but in spite all the great advice that can be found here, you're not grieving over four years rs in three weeks. I agree, she's nowhere out of the woods yet. And I do realize that she has a long way to go. And she'll probably will have sad days, angry days.... But, if this is the step in the right direction for her healing and if this is the first time she's feeling good in a long time and she wants to celebrate it; hell, I'll celebrate with her and take it as a victory. 1
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Yeah but she is like three weeks NC and this could simply be a first up day so she sounds ecstatic about it. I hope she remains that way but in spite all the great advice that can be found here, you're not grieving over four years rs in three weeks. I've been NC for 25 days, then hiccuped for one day, now its NC day 4. And we had broken up several times before that. The first time being March 2013 when we stayed apart for 2 months. Then again in September and we were apart for about 4 months. I lost an entire year of my life crying and killing myself trying to be with this guy. Trust me, I've had plenty time to grieve. Whatever your opinion is, I don't think its fair to assume that I am not truly happy or am simply having an "up" day. I've had those as well, and I know myself well enough to express how I am feeling, otherwise I wouldn't have made this post.
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Thank you for sharing this. I am coping relatively well, but tomorrow I have the last exam I need to take for my master degree and I would lie if I said that I have been able to totally focus on studying. My no contact has been only about 6 days though so I guess it's normal. I remember how you were at first, so seeing you like this is definitely a good source of inspiration . I am so happy to hear that you are doing well. Try to focus! This is really important for you. Put your energy in something to gain, not something that has already been lost.
erklat Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I've been NC for 25 days, then hiccuped for one day, now its NC day 4. And we had broken up several times before that. The first time being March 2013 when we stayed apart for 2 months. Then again in September and we were apart for about 4 months. I lost an entire year of my life crying and killing myself trying to be with this guy. Trust me, I've had plenty time to grieve. Whatever your opinion is, I don't think its fair to assume that I am not truly happy or am simply having an "up" day. I've had those as well, and I know myself well enough to express how I am feeling, otherwise I wouldn't have made this post. I am assuming from the content of your posts from past few days. I'm not making my opinion based on just one post and from my introspective and those of others, I can gauge how bad your place is by the way youwwrite.
orangetree Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Thanks for your story. I absolutely agree with you and made the same experience. My ex broke up with me for the 4th(!) time (in a 2 years relationship). Every time I was devastated, hoping he would come back and every time he did and I took him back without questioning anything. Yes, our relationship was wonderful and I thought we were the most comparable couple in universe. After he broke up with me for no apparent reason for the 4th time six weeks ago, something inside of me changed. I was sad and devastated like every time he broke up with me, but I went directly NC and we still are. I think there is still a part of me who loves him and it hurts when I think of him, but NC and time helped me to see him differently, to see him the way he really is. Not just as a great guy and the love of my life, but as a guy who didn't care much about my feelings and crushed my self-esteem, trust and everything many times. I see so many things now about him that I didn't see when we were together. I still think of him a lot, but I'm moving on, I'm happy, I'm smiling. Life is too short to be hung up on someone who's or worth it. Even if he wanted me back- It's too late this time. I don't even want him back. So yes, NC and time really helps to heal. 1
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I am assuming from the content of your posts from past few days. I'm not making my opinion based on just one post and from my introspective and those of others, I can gauge how bad your place is by the way youwwrite. Whatever floats your boat.
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Thanks for your story. I absolutely agree with you and made the same experience. My ex broke up with me for the 4th(!) time (in a 2 years relationship). Every time I was devastated, hoping he would come back and every time he did and I took him back without questioning anything. Yes, our relationship was wonderful and I thought we were the most comparable couple in universe. After he broke up with me for no apparent reason for the 4th time six weeks ago, something inside of me changed. I was sad and devastated like every time he broke up with me, but I went directly NC and we still are. I think there is still a part of me who loves him and it hurts when I think of him, but NC and time helped me to see him differently, to see him the way he really is. Not just as a great guy and the love of my life, but as a guy who didn't care much about my feelings and crushed my self-esteem, trust and everything many times. I see so many things now about him that I didn't see when we were together. I still think of him a lot, but I'm moving on, I'm happy, I'm smiling. Life is too short to be hung up on someone who's or worth it. Even if he wanted me back- It's too late this time. I don't even want him back. So yes, NC and time really helps to heal. I do hurt as well when I think of my ex but likewise, I feel that there is no reason to be so hung up on him. What really made it happen for me is that I have a friend who loves a terrible terrible guy, he treats her so bad and says the meanest things, does the meanest things. He is steps above my ex, but still comparable. And my friend takes him back each and every time. I can't support her in her actions any more because they have just become borderline stupid. Then I realized my ex was doing the same exact things. *LIGHT BULB* these men don't care about us. As much as we want to say that our situation is different and that they do love us. It's not. It's time to move on.
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Yeah but she is like three weeks NC and this could simply be a first up day so she sounds ecstatic about it. I hope she remains that way but in spite all the great advice that can be found here, you're not grieving over four years rs in three weeks. And in all honesty, I think people who are still in terrible pain even months after their BU, really don't want to hear about someone who can apparently get "over it" in mere weeks. I know posters think it will help to share these kinds of stories, but I don't really think it does... If one wants to be helpful, offer tips, strategies, techniques and proven methods that have worked. Not just "I got over it because it was stupid" or "wasn't worth crying over". That helps no one. Not trying to pick on you OP. Just more of an overall generalization about this site in general. 3
Griesfootball Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 For me it seems harder the farther I go. It's 3 months since my breakup and I really don't feel like I'm in a different spot to be honest. Idk it is probably because it's my first heartbreak and I'm having trouble handling it, it's like I have no desire to date anybody or even talk to women. I praise you that are strong enough to actually move on
orangetree Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) If one wants to be helpful, offer tips, strategies, techniques and proven methods that have worked. Not just "I got over it because it was stupid" or "wasn't worth crying over". That helps no one. Not trying to pick on you OP. Just more of an overall generalization about this site in general. But there is no strategy or "proven methods" to get over it. I think this thread absolutely offers tips, because it shows that even the worst pain goes away at one point. The things we learn from threads like this is that we shouldn't idealize our exes or put them on a throne, because if we do that we will never get over them. The tip is to start being realistic and to see life how it is, to learn to be happy without another person. And with NC of course. Edited July 10, 2014 by orangetree 1
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 And in all honesty, I think people who are still in terrible pain even months after their BU, really don't want to hear about someone who can apparently get "over it" in mere weeks. I know posters think it will help to share these kinds of stories, but I don't really think it does... If one wants to be helpful, offer tips, strategies, techniques and proven methods that have worked. Not just "I got over it because it was stupid" or "wasn't worth crying over". That helps no one. Not trying to pick on you OP. Just more of an overall generalization about this site in general. I appreciate what you are saying, I do. But its not like I started sharing this story with you guys a year and 4 months ago when things began to unravel. I have never said, as I'm sure other posters will agree, there is a set time to "get over" someone. For me, it just hit me. A friend of mine with the almost a replica of a situation always told me that it would just hit me one day. I have not lost the feelings for him, nor the love but I did finally lose wanting to be with him. I finally accepted that it is over, and more so that I don't want this situation again. I've taken action against letting it happen again. That, in my mind, is success. When I asked for people to share success stories, I didn't ask for a 30-day happily ever after story. I just wanted people to share their own successes with me and eachother. Everything and anything that you have done to make your life better than it was is a success in my book. I do disagree however that people are not inspired by it. There are people that do get inspired, as I was one of them. I would even type in to google "finally over my ex" to read, or find a situation close to mine when people made it. I always felt like I would be in pain forever. And it was nice to see that people did survive. Everyone has their own strategies, and you just have to find the one that works for you. Mine are in my reply to Chi-Town. There isn't a one size fits all method to coping (e.g go to the gym) Sorry if this hasn't helped much of you, but if it has even helped one, it's worth it. All I meant to share with you all is my experience. If I had shared my story with you guys from Day 1 back in March 2013 you all, like everyone in my life, would also be saying that this is long overdue.
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 For me it seems harder the farther I go. It's 3 months since my breakup and I really don't feel like I'm in a different spot to be honest. Idk it is probably because it's my first heartbreak and I'm having trouble handling it, it's like I have no desire to date anybody or even talk to women. I praise you that are strong enough to actually move on Don't be so down on yourself. This is completely normal. Back in Sept of 2013, my ex broke up with me, and I went to his work (he worked in an office alone) and I just wanted to see him and talk to him about it all, I was in tears, and I begged him to speak to me. And he shut the door (makes it worse that it was a glass door and he could see me through it) and locked it. Right in front of me crying. We got back together after this, I loved him so much, I was so blind to what irrational and cruel things he would do to hurt me. I rationalized that he was my first everything and that I didn't want to lose him, no matter what. It was just so unhealthy. and there I was 6 months later still trying to work it all out. You shouldn't praise me for being strong enough to move on, because it wasn't as easy as it seemed through my short 10 days of posts. It took me 16 months in all actuality to really let go and move forward and now that I'm here, it feels great. You'll get there. 1
realfriends Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 And in all honesty, I think people who are still in terrible pain even months after their BU, really don't want to hear about someone who can apparently get "over it" in mere weeks. I know posters think it will help to share these kinds of stories, but I don't really think it does... If one wants to be helpful, offer tips, strategies, techniques and proven methods that have worked. Not just "I got over it because it was stupid" or "wasn't worth crying over". That helps no one. Not trying to pick on you OP. Just more of an overall generalization about this site in general. Ive wanted to go on a rant about this for awhile. I see these posted almost every other day and like you said, nothing against OP, but for people who are months and years into the battle, it makes them upset?(wrong word choice but yeah)
erklat Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Ive wanted to go on a rant about this for awhile. I see these posted almost every other day and like you said, nothing against OP, but for people who are months and years into the battle, it makes them upset?(wrong word choice but yeah) It doesn't upset me. I find it merely curious that one day you open that you broke NC and the other day you are completely over it. I had a lot of days like these. But in the end I'm still on occasion having a panic attacks and flood of memories placing her back on the pedestal. And I've done complete makeover of my personality and looks on the outside, image that public have about me etc. All can be verified in my thread and you can also comparetthe first andtthe last post to see the difference. 1
witmadskilllz Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 And in all honesty, I think people who are still in terrible pain even months after their BU, really don't want to hear about someone who can apparently get "over it" in mere weeks. I know posters think it will help to share these kinds of stories, but I don't really think it does... If one wants to be helpful, offer tips, strategies, techniques and proven methods that have worked. Not just "I got over it because it was stupid" or "wasn't worth crying over". That helps no one. Not trying to pick on you OP. Just more of an overall generalization about this site in general. but more likely to provide hope that it is possible regardless of x amount of days 1
triniechu Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 You are such an inspiration! It's been about almost 4 weeks NC since the breakup and at times I still want him to come back to me. But at the same time....if he did, he wouldnt be the same person anymore. What we had was great and he threw it all away over something fixable! I feel our love and trust is gone now since he broke it up with me. But I am moving on and keeping busy. Keeping busy really helps keep the mind occupied! I wish you all the best in nursing school! I will be going back eventually for my BSN 1
geebelle Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Wow you gave me hope that I'll get over it. And you're absolutely right they're people we USED to know they are not the same ones we once fell in love with. I know for sure my ex is a completely different person now a person that I do not know. So basically I'm mourning what he no longer is so it's like mourning a death. I'm at day 12 and hoping maybe by day 30 I won't care anymore. 1
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 It doesn't upset me. I find it merely curious that one day you open that you broke NC and the other day you are completely over it. I had a lot of days like these. But in the end I'm still on occasion having a panic attacks and flood of memories placing her back on the pedestal. And I've done complete makeover of my personality and looks on the outside, image that public have about me etc. All can be verified in my thread and you can also comparetthe first andtthe last post to see the difference. That had a lot to do with me letting go. If you see the post after me breaking NC, you can read between the lines how utterly confused I was. For the entire time of NC, I had him placed on a pedestal and could only think of anything good. But when I saw him... I don't know what rewired inside of me but I was just like "... really? I've been killing myself over this guy?" And it wasn't because of anything superficial like his looks or anything. Just the way he was toward me. I didn't feel what I used to feel. We had gone NC times before and every time I saw him I would fall in love 100x harder than before, this time was different. I don't know why, but it just was. I don't have techniques or methods to share, I don't know why I am done with him after a year of being up and down- I just find myself not wanting to go back. I am not completely happy without him, I still miss him and think of him, But I know what it was like to cry and drown my bed in tears at least a week out of every month. I don't want that again. And that's what I associate him with.
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