acarls20 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 So over this past weekend the guy I was dating promised to got a party with me. (we've been together about a month) However, by the time the weekend rolled around I was unable to get hold of him. He even missed the party. I did tell him I was pissed and we talked about it. He said he was out of town for work and he couldn't really say where he was cause of his job and left his phone on accident. He does digital forensics. However, he knows he should've told me and he was sorry. So I assumed he was working non stop for weeks. However, he tells me has a sunburn cause he went swimming. And I ask him about when he went swimming and he got all bashful about it. He doesn't remember. He also seems to have gone to a salon to get a spa treatment for his back. It looks like he went on vacation over the fourth and neglected to tell me about it. Unless he was able to swim and go to the spa while he was out of town for work. My gut says I should give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he lies about other things because I'm not certain about the situation. What do you guys think?
Author acarls20 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 We just had a mini relationship talk. I just asked him to define where we stand a bit and what a serious relationship means to him... First he said we were almost there but we definitely need to go out more. We tend to stay in a lot. Second, being exclusive isn't the only thing that makes a relationship to him and he isn't sleeping with anyone else. He said his last relationship wasn't good and he wants to hold out until we're certain. Again, its only been a month so I thought his response was very logical.
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 He doesn't sound like he's too into you to be honest. Saying you need to go out more before he's sure? What is he doing, interviewing you? He either knows he wants to give it a shot or he doesn't. Some people are reluctant to commit too soon which is fair enough, but this coupled with the going out of town and off the radar thing does sound suspicious. Usually in the first few months/year you can't get enough of staying in together, because you get to be alone in private and smooch and sleep together and snuggle and have deep gooey conversations without outside influences getting in the way! With regards to the out of town thing either he doesn't respect you enough to let you know about plans he's skipping out on, or he's up to something shady. Committing to go to a party with me (which would probably mean telling the host, letting friends know he'd be there etc.) and then going totally AWOL without a single text or e-mail would be enough for me to end things straight away. It's just weird, who can't talk to you for a whole weekend yet can get time to go swimming? If he'd wanted to get in touch he would have done. I reckon he went with somebody else and is unwilling to tell you. Fair enough if he's exploring his options while you're not in a relationship but he needs to be upfront about this rather than lie to your face.
Author acarls20 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I can give you his reasons and I mean to people who don't do security/computer work they wouldn't get this. But he has 2 step authentication which if he leaves his phone means he can't even check his email or google voice messages. And its not like anyone knows people numbers by heart. And the part about wanting to see each other more outside of watching TV and having sex is something I respect. Dating is an interview process. Why should I be mad that he wants to be certain and take things slow? I feel the same way about it. Literally last week I told him we need to go out more. Why should I assume the worst and break something off so quickly?
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You came on here expecting the worst with your is he lying Q. Now you are defending him. If you know what a p.i.t.a. it is when he loses his phone, what else got your suspicions up? To me you couple that with the I don't know where I went swimming/ got sunburn it's suspicious.
Author acarls20 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I like to play devils advocate to think things through. Hopefully he'll tell me where he went swimming next time I see him. But I don't know if suspicions is enough to break things up.
Zahara Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You asked the questions because you have your suspicions but when you receive advice, you have justifications as to why he does ABC. 1. He made a promise and never followed through. 2. He didn't bother to even communicate to you that he won't be able make it. 3. He never communicated to you that he will be out of reach. 4. Then he couldn't tell you where he actually went. 5. Who leaves their phone at home when going for days on work. People are tied to their smartphones. 6. Then he got a sunburn because he went swimming while he was working. 7. For some reason he forgot where he went swimming. 8. He also had the time while working to get a spa treatment. All very shady. No. 5 is a big one. He most likely went away with someone else or really isn't that into you being a part of his activities. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You asked the questions because you have your suspicions but when you receive advice, you have justifications as to why he does ABC. 1. He made a promise and never followed through. 2. He didn't bother to even communicate to you that he won't be able make it. 3. He never communicated to you that he will be out of reach. 4. Then he couldn't tell you where he actually went. 5. Who leaves their phone at home when going for days on work. People are tied to their smartphones. 6. Then he got a sunburn because he went swimming while he was working. 7. For some reason he forgot where he went swimming. 8. He also had the time while working to get a spa treatment. All very shady. No. 5 is a big one. He most likely went away with someone else or really isn't that into you being a part of his activities. All of this. Also unless he's in the military or offshore on an oil rig with no signal, I very much doubt he was unable to contact you (even in those circumstances people can usually still make and receive contact). He obviously had a phone to call up the spa and make an appointment. Even if not, he'd have been in touch with work. Or ya know, just in general with people. I cannot think of many people who would go away, have leisure time and yet still not be able to call or text people back home. If he was keen on letting you know where he was he'd have written your number down on a piece of paper or memorised it, I still have my brother, mother and father's numbers memorised from when I was a teenager. I don't know my boyfriend's number but I'd memorise it if it was the only way I could speak to him via a payphone. Face it, he didn't want to speak to you or you to speak to him for the time he was away and forgetting where he went swimming is extremely shady. You might forget which pool you attended on which day and at which hour of the day if you went swimming in a different pool every day of the holiday. You don't just forget where you went swimming when it was a one off and all you are curious about is the location of the pool! Seriously, I would presume he had gone with someone else and was hiding something, and I'd be pissed that he reneged on his plans with me without having the courtesy to let me know. After being with someone for a month I'd be worried sick if we were normally in touch and had plans and they went completely AWOL. I would presume they were sick or a family emergency or accident had happened and not be able to enjoy the party for fear of what was wrong with them. Because I don't have a single friend, and I've never had a single partner, who wouldn't let me know that they weren't following through with our plans and instead would go AWOL and not return any of my calls or texts. Unless something bad happened.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 He doesn't remember when or where he went swimming, on the same weekend he went MIA? The same weekend he blew you off? Yeah, right. I think he went on a little getaway with someone else.
Author acarls20 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 First, normally he contacts me everyday. This was the first time this occurred. I'll post if I see further shady things.
Poppygoodwill Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I think you're right: it's early days and he's allowed to have his own life, as are you. However, being dodgy isn't great, even in early days. I strongly suspect he's seeing other people also, which might be fine with you. The thing is it shouldn't be a secret. These days, unless you have the "we're exclusive" talk, you're not. So I would assume he's seeing other women for the time being and any gaps in his time are spent with her. Perhaps you might want to clarify with him if you are both allowed to see other people still. I suspect he'll say yes, and then you'll know where you stand. And you can see other people too! if you're not already.
writergal Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) He can't remember where he went swimming? He forgot to tell you he was going out of town? He forgot where he went? He forgot to tell you he couldn't make the party he promised he'd go to with you? Wow. He's Mr. Slim Shady McShaderton. He's the guy in Enimem's song The Real Slim Shady. He's so shady people stand next to him to avoid the blaring hot sun. Is he lying? Definitely. Why that is? Who knows. Edited July 10, 2014 by writergal
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