Pykachoo Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) So I am currently struggling with a situation that involves a very cruel and hurtful ex boyfriend. This story may be a bit long and I apologize but I would love some input. I was 21 and he was 20 when we met. I am now 22 and he is 21. It started in March of 2013, I met a guy and we hit if off rather quickly. He was amazing, fun, a gamer, and loving (so I thought). 2 months went by and I found out I was pregnant. My parents were harsh on him and I and it spun us out so bad, he left me… pregnant… Due to stress, depression and anxiety I miscarried in June. I was only about 9 weeks along at that time. For 9 months, he ignored me. I never tried calling because I knew he would ignore me. He blocked me from everything and ended up getting a new girlfriend shortly after (in july) running out on me. She treated him like dirt and they dated for about 4 months. She was constantly cheating on him and she finally left him for another guy (in November). (she had 5 boyfriends in just 2013 alone). Right after she dumped him, he immediately added his ex girlfriend from highschool back to facebook, only to delete her apparently a few days later.(he claimed that he contacted her to bitch her out…) Around September, I tried to date and meet people. I ended up meeting a guy and we dated until January. (This entire time, my ex and I still never spoke…) on the 11th of December, I saw my ex at the bar. (it was my birthday) I avoided all eye contact with him because I was so scared. Then in January, he contacted me on the 17th and said he wanted to talk. We ended up talking and got back together. We moved into a new house together and things seemed fine. We had a few arguments here and there about the baby, and how I felt replaced by his ex girlfriend and I was such a wreck. A part of me had so much trouble letting go.. As June rolled by, we got into a fight again after work (he came home from work in such a bad mood) and I got mad and said things I didn’t mean. I told him I was angry with him and I had trouble seeing hope for our relationship because I was having trouble letting go of the cruel things he did to me. I loved him but it killed me at some times. I will also add that his mother is super clingy and is always contacting him complaining about feeling sick and such. He always went out of his way to go to her and such.. I am thinking she is a part of this. We fought and went to bed (slept together) and the next morning he started it back up… The next thing I know, he told me he was moving back in with his mom AGAIN. And that he was done.. I tried to ask him to stay and cried my eyes out. He kept ignoring me and grabbed his clothes and stormed out, leaving the house keys… He left all his game consoles at the house, his phone charger, clothes in the dryer, his vapes and even his pet kitten. (the first time he left stuff, he never asked for his stuff back either). I am so confused. I called him 2 days after he left and calmly asked him if he wanted to talk about it. He told me no, im out, we broke up, etc. I was absolutely heart broken.. I swallowed my anger and I told him thank you for being in my life and that it broke my heart that I broke “my rock” and I missed him and loved him. He went dead silent on the phone and then said goodbye and abruptly hung up. That was June 24th. I haven’t heard from him since. He blocked me on Instagram and facebook but never deleted any of our pictures until July 9th. I realized he added his ex girlfriend from highschool to his facebook AGAIN. (not the girl he dated for 4 months) Once he added her back, he immediately deleted our photos. I feel so empty and confused. Why leave so much stuff at my house and keep our photos and then later add his ex back and then delete stuff? I am too terrified to contact him because I have this gut feeling he is just trying to hurt me because of my comment about having very little hope I our relationship. I truly loved this man even if I struggled with the past. I was slowly beginning to accept it but now I lost him yet again and he is again ignoring me, adding ex’s to facebook, posting pictures of him “happy” with his female friends. I really hurt. Edited July 9, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Strength in Healing Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 She treated him like dirt and they dated for about 4 months. She was constantly cheating on him and she finally left him for another guy HAH sounds like karma. What goes around comes around... Doesn't sound like you loved him. Because there simply is too much bad to neglect in favor of the good, and truly love him for. This guy is a train wreck, unstable likely due to his mother, and he seems to truly only care about himself. You don't have choices here -- you HAVE to just cut him off 100% and block him in EVERY way and heal. Otherwise, you are a masochist and are addicted to the pain, because there is no hope here.
Author Pykachoo Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 HAH sounds like karma. What goes around comes around... Doesn't sound like you loved him. Because there simply is too much bad to neglect in favor of the good, and truly love him for. This guy is a train wreck, unstable likely due to his mother, and he seems to truly only care about himself. You don't have choices here -- you HAVE to just cut him off 100% and block him in EVERY way and heal. Otherwise, you are a masochist and are addicted to the pain, because there is no hope here. I am not a masochist. I cared about him. If I did not care, I would not of tried again with him. I tried to look past the cruelty he had but it was rather difficult. As for blocking him out, he already did that for me. I don't even have the will to pick up my phone.
Zahara Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Why leave so much stuff at my house and keep our photos and then later add his ex back and then delete stuff? I am too terrified to contact him because I have this gut feeling he is just trying to hurt me because of my comment about having very little hope I our relationship. I truly loved this man even if I struggled with the past. I was slowly beginning to accept it but now I lost him yet again and he is again ignoring me, adding ex’s to facebook, posting pictures of him “happy” with his female friends. I really hurt. I'm not even sure why you would choose to move in with a man that just left you hanging when you were pregnant. You don't truly love this man because you can't really "love" in the right sense, a person that you claim was very cruel to you. Does that make sense? What you have is a toxic dependence and attachment to him. And yes, there is truth in your comment that there was very little hope for the relationship. He showed you who he was when he left you cold -- that was your red flag to stay away from him. Please pack his things up and send it back to him. Cut contact and start moving forward with your life. At 22 it's unfortunate that you're conditioning your self-esteem in such a negative and damaging way.
Author Pykachoo Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I'm not even sure why you would choose to move in with a man that just left you hanging when you were pregnant. You don't truly love this man because you can't really "love" in the right sense, a person that you claim was very cruel to you. Does that make sense? What you have is a toxic dependence and attachment to him. And yes, there is truth in your comment that there was very little hope for the relationship. He showed you who he was when he left you cold -- that was your red flag to stay away from him. Please pack his things up and send it back to him. Cut contact and start moving forward with your life. At 22 it's unfortunate that you're conditioning your self-esteem in such a negative and damaging way. He won't even get his stuff and I have no idea where he lives now. I just packed it all up and put it in the garage. I struggle with relationships. Before him I was in a highly abusive one. I guess because he never physically harmed me I was more comfortable with him. I am not trying to obsess over him like I am currently. I have been trying to move on but I keep sometimes feeling that little stab in my heart and my curiosity starts to emerge. I call him cruel because all my family and friends are calling him that and now I am starting to believe he is cruel. I just feel spun out and rather confused. I never had been so emotionally attached to someone until I met him.
Zahara Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 He won't even get his stuff and I have no idea where he lives now. I just packed it all up and put it in the garage. I struggle with relationships. Before him I was in a highly abusive one. I guess because he never physically harmed me I was more comfortable with him. I am not trying to obsess over him like I am currently. I have been trying to move on but I keep sometimes feeling that little stab in my heart and my curiosity starts to emerge. I call him cruel because all my family and friends are calling him that and now I am starting to believe he is cruel. I just feel spun out and rather confused. I never had been so emotionally attached to someone until I met him. Send it to his mother's house if you know where she lives. Do you see what I am saying? At 22, you've already experienced a physically abusive relationship and now an emotionally abusive relationship. Two damaging relationships at such a young age. That kilss your self-esteem. You really need to work on yourself and start changing your life around. When you say you looked past his cruelty because you cared for him, that's an indication that you have no boundaries and very little to no self-love. Toxic relationships make you cling and "feel" more because you confuse dysfunction for passion/love. There is no love on your part or even his -- how can there be in the presence of cruel behavior. Until you accept that this is not how it should be and want better for yourself, you're going to keep repeating the pattern of getting involved and staying in less than relationships. 1
Zahara Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 And if he won't get his stuff, let him know he has a timeline of a week, and if he doesn't get it by then, it's going to sit on the curb. You're not a storage unit for him.
Author Pykachoo Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 And if he won't get his stuff, let him know he has a timeline of a week, and if he doesn't get it by then, it's going to sit on the curb. You're not a storage unit for him. Honestly if he doesn't want it, I may just keep at least the game systems because we are both gamers and well, always nice to keep back up game consoles? Haha.
Author Pykachoo Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Send it to his mother's house if you know where she lives. Do you see what I am saying? At 22, you've already experienced a physically abusive relationship and now an emotionally abusive relationship. Two damaging relationships at such a young age. That kilss your self-esteem. You really need to work on yourself and start changing your life around. When you say you looked past his cruelty because you cared for him, that's an indication that you have no boundaries and very little to no self-love. Toxic relationships make you cling and "feel" more because you confuse dysfunction for passion/love. There is no love on your part or even his -- how can there be in the presence of cruel behavior. Until you accept that this is not how it should be and want better for yourself, you're going to keep repeating the pattern of getting involved and staying in less than relationships. You are right on that.. After him leaving again, I feel completely unwanted and ugly again. I guess I have a painfully bad taste in men x.x.. I am considering seeing a therapist again and see if that would help.
Zahara Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You are right on that.. After him leaving again, I feel completely unwanted and ugly again. I guess I have a painfully bad taste in men x.x.. I am considering seeing a therapist again and see if that would help. I think it's a huge step for you in wanting to see a therapist. I would suggest you find one that fits your needs. One that you feel is interactive and helps you dig deep. And keep at it. Don't stop just because you meet a guy or you feel you're emotionally okay. It's a long term commitment. Aside from that -- you have to also work on yourself. Read motivating and positive material/books on self-love and self-improvement. Join an activity group and meet healthy minded people. Do things that fulfill you. Start a relationship with yourself. Unwanted and ugly is your own perception of who you are. You are defining your value and worth based on this clown? Don't ever do that. Him leaving is not relevant to your own belief in yourself. If you feel you are unwanted and ugly, that is you lacking self-love and worth in yourself. Change that.
Zahara Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Honestly if he doesn't want it, I may just keep at least the game systems because we are both gamers and well, always nice to keep back up game consoles? Haha. The rest you can chuck it or give it to his mother. He doesn't get to use your garage as a storage facility.
leavesonautumn Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Honestly if he doesn't want it, I may just keep at least the game systems because we are both gamers and well, always nice to keep back up game consoles? Haha. Sell them.
Author Pykachoo Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Sell them. Haha, they are currently up in the closet.
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