SummerDreams Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 What this tells me about this man is that he is only interested in looks. I'd go and meet him if I were you, but I would express my worries to him openly and see how he'd respond. I like to be open especially when I first meet someone. It's the time when they can show their true colors more easily cause they haven't started caring that much yet.
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I am not upset, I am suspicious. That is why I am posting this. My men picker is off, just got stood up several times in a row, I want to verify if I am suspicious beyond reasons. Sorry. Poor word choice on my part. I shouldn't have said upset when I meant suspicious. Again, I also didn't realize that you think your "picker" is off. That is a profound piece of person insight that most people never register. My advice remains: tell him you want to talk on the phone & negotiate a more convenient time for dinner but don't let the fact that he *gasp* wants to buy you food & spend more than 20 minutes with you initially, turn you off going. The food was good at the 2 OLD dinner dates I went on.
MissBee Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I'd simply tell him that I'd like to at least speak on the phone to get a sense of him before meeting up. I'd also suggest an earlier time for dinner than 9:30. That's pretty late for dinner IMO. I'd suggest talking on the phone first and if that goes well, meeting up earlier, at about 7:30 at the latest.
MissBee Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I reread his profile and he says he is looking for a serious relationship but while waiting for the right woman to present herself he is open to having a little fun. This part is a red flag to me.. 1
TAV Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I don't know I've never dated online. And you are not aware that the web is full of creeps, fakes and other kinds of losers? Been living under a rock? Gaeta, I always go with my instincts. Your instincts have alarm bells ringing in your head. It would probably be one very awkward meeting. There are more fun things to do on a Thursday night.
Haydn Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Oh its certainly full of losers and desperate people and judgemental types. Glad I am not one of them willing to believe everything I hear about someone. But op I think Dons advice is pretty good. I think you can't go far wrong with it. And you are not aware that the web is full of creeps, fakes and other kinds of losers? Been living under a rock? Gaeta, I always go with my instincts. Your instincts have alarm bells ringing in your head. It would probably be one very awkward meeting. There are more fun things to do on a Thursday night. 3
Candy_Pants Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 And the invite is for 9h30 at night. Who makes a dinner invitation for 9h30? A Thursday night. I think this is his usual meeting spot. Dinner at 9h30 means we will be out of there at 11h, maybe he expects me to drink a little wine (I don't) and I'll be easy to bring home. In my favorite country dinners always begin after 8:30 pm, and Thursday is the most popular night of the week. Loosen up. Have fun. If you don't like him, no harm, no foul. 2
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Loosen up. Have fun. If you don't like him, no harm, no foul. Nah, don't feel like sitting in front of a man that did not care enough to ask ONE question about me before inviting me. All he'll do is drool over my big boobs then after dinner he'll walk me to my car and invite me to finish the evening in his place. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the frustration that goes with it. It's not fun for me to be looked at like a piece of @ss, 2
GorillaTheater Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Nah, don't feel like sitting in front of a man that did not care enough to ask ONE question about me before inviting me. All he'll do is drool over my big boobs then after dinner he'll walk me to my car and invite me to finish the evening in his place. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the frustration that goes with it. It's not fun for me to be looked at like a piece of @ss, You're doing a lot of assuming here. I'd be like this guy: screw all of the email/texting BS. Let's get to know each other in person and see if there's a connection. Of course, I'd probably be drooling over your big boobs, so I may have to give you that one. 3
Diezel Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Like I said in another thread... might be time to take a break. Now you're jumping to conclusions about being objectified for your boobs? I admire the guy, he has testicular fortitude. Why go through days of email when you can just cut to the chase? 6
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I replied I would enjoy joining him for dinner if he makes his invitation over the phone and gave him my number. He read my message at 11h30 today and no call yet. If he calls I am going. If he doesn't call then it says enough about him and his method. 2
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Like I said in another thread... might be time to take a break. Now you're jumping to conclusions about being objectified for your boobs? I admire the guy, he has testicular fortitude. Why go through days of email when you can just cut to the chase? One thing. I have no problem meeting fast. I remember making contact with someone at 8 a.m. and meeting at noon for coffee BUT we had exchanged 2-3 messages at least taking an interest in each other. I am always objectified because of my boobs lol, it's nothing new. Ok lets say he's genuine in his invitation. Then why not ask me when I am available instead of imposing Thursday 9h30 pm? If he's genuine then why picking a spot 5 minutes from him but 40 mins for me?
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I replied I would enjoy joining him for dinner if he makes his invitation over the phone and gave him my number. He read my message at 11h30 today and no call yet. If he calls I am going. If he doesn't call then it says enough about him and his method. This seems reasonable. You are giving him a chance to make this happen on more mutual terms. That's all you can do.
HappyLove Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Nah, don't feel like sitting in front of a man that did not care enough to ask ONE question about me before inviting me. All he'll do is drool over my big boobs then after dinner he'll walk me to my car and invite me to finish the evening in his place. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the frustration that goes with it. It's not fun for me to be looked at like a piece of @ss, This is why I'd push for the coffee date. Will be interesting to see if he even responds.
BlueIris Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Nah, don't feel like sitting in front of a man that did not care enough to ask ONE question about me before inviting me. All he'll do is drool over my big boobs then after dinner he'll walk me to my car and invite me to finish the evening in his place. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the frustration that goes with it. It's not fun for me to be looked at like a piece of @ss, This man might be insulted that you are assuming this about him, or bringing this to the table. The break sounds a like a great idea- a gift to yourself. I would like that he suggested dinner immediately. It's efficient. Also, there many things worse than sitting through a meal with someone you aren't crazy about it. If someone suggests something that doesn’t work for you, just thank him for the invitation, confirm that you’d like to meet (if you would), you can’t do ABC, but that you could do XY or Z. Make it simple.
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 This man might be insulted that you are assuming this about him, or bringing this to the table. I would never do that hahaha, I am a lady. If he calls I will go have dinner with him and I will be on my best behavior, I will be pretty, smiling and flirting lightly. 1
daisydook Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 This would be odd for me. I mean, he may be interested having never spoken to one another really... but are you interested? Lol When I met my boyfriend, I was bored and doing a really picky search one night online. I was bugged by a whole bunch of men who didnt tickle my fancy, so I decided to get really picky! Down to the perfect height, hair colour, eye colour, build, astrological sign, hopes, goals, needs, wants, dreams, etc!!! (yep! I did!) Dont judge me! I was bored and you know how OLD can be! I was curious! Lol. He was one of two men who came up in this search. 2! Out of 400,000 people online that night. I clicked on him as a favourite as it was late, I didnt want to be that girl messaging at drunk times, and wanted to be able to find him again. I was dead sober, sitting in my undies on my couch alone in the living room! I didnt want to give the wrong impression, you know! Hahahaha I woke up to a message from him saying he was woken up at 2 am by a notification that this beautiful, 29 year old, blonde haired, blue eyed woman thought he was just fancy. ME! I didnt know he would get the notification and it would wake him! Lol. It was around Christmas, and we were both busy in the weekends coming up to Christmas, so we didnt meet until December 23rd. The original plan was Christmas Eve but we couldnt wait any longer. He called me on the 23rd and asked what I was doing and told me he is home, he cant wait even another day and needed to meet me tonight. By this point, we were completely enamoured by one another. I told him I was wearing sweat pants. He said he didnt care and that I needed to just come meet him. Lol. I was all in! I drove to meet him that night, in my sweats, and when I got there, he was standing waiting for me. His first words to me were, "wow. You are real." I certainly am! We hugged and kissed and dear GOD! Wonderful. He didnt want me to be embarrassed I was in sweats, so he threw a pair on too. Hehehe. We ended up matching and looking really cute, with grey sweats, and black shirts on. Lol I am of the school of thought that meeting sooner rather than later is a good idea. My boyfriend and I spoke a few times online, he then left me with his number to leave the ball in his court and I messaged him immediately. I was very interested. As soon as I saw his number, I messaged! Lol It was in the weeks leading up to meeting him I learned a WHOLE LOT about him. We told each other everything, things we didn't tell anyone else. It felt safe, because hey, even if we never met or it didn't feel right when we did meet, we were ideally strangers who would never tell each others secrets. We both felt very safe from the start. He is a gentle and kind man. I just think he is awesome. He is coming home from a work trip and I pick him up tonight from the airport! He has only been gone since Monday, but dear lord, Im excited to see him! I already have the couch all ready, movies picked out and a nice snack for later when he is home so we can cuddle and relax! We have been together for 6 months now, and I cant wait to spend more of my months with him!!!! There is not a day that has gone by, since the first time we spoke online, that we have not spoken. Sometimes, there is an instant connection. To be honest, I may have actually gone on a date with my boyfriend if he had said this to me, even just looking at his profile. Who am I kidding?!?!?
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 UPDATE: haha I feel so silly So he called at 6h. He was a real gentleman on the phone. I said it was the first time I was getting an express-invitation like this. He said oh? that's not what people do? It's his first time on there and he got coached by his friends-colleagues, don't chat on there just invite them out lol. He also never went to that restaurant, his colleagues told him to take me there. He is a financial adviser like my best friend AND for the same bank. She can check that guy if needs be. Thursdays they work till 8h. That is why he made the invite for 9h30. I know it's true my friend still complains about working till 8 pm on Thursday. He was really sweet and polite, I am looking forward to tomorrow night 4
Haydn Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 So you were worried about nothing? (A bit). Have fun and good luck. 2
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Yes, but I hate being the first date for a newbie online dater. They really want to see what's out there and don't stick with the first one. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Yes, but I hate being the first date for a newbie online dater. They really want to see what's out there and don't stick with the first one. I didn't think of that. Again, let's try to look on the bright side. Maybe he'll realize he struck paydirt on the 1st try. If he's tried dating the old fashioned way, he should already know what's out there. 2
FitChick Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) I think it's inconsiderate of him to ask you to drive so far at night. I would have suggested a different time and place more convenient to us both. I find it odd that his colleagues had to guide him through this. Most men would feel humiliated and wouldn't say a thing for fear of the date ending badly. Not sure if I believe his story. Perhaps he is ashamed to be meeting women online or feels this makes him sound innocent or something. If you have his name, shouldn't you be able to google him on LinkedIn? Edited July 9, 2014 by FitChick
MissBee Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 UPDATE: haha I feel so silly So he called at 6h. He was a real gentleman on the phone. I said it was the first time I was getting an express-invitation like this. He said oh? that's not what people do? It's his first time on there and he got coached by his friends-colleagues, don't chat on there just invite them out lol. He also never went to that restaurant, his colleagues told him to take me there. He is a financial adviser like my best friend AND for the same bank. She can check that guy if needs be. Thursdays they work till 8h. That is why he made the invite for 9h30. I know it's true my friend still complains about working till 8 pm on Thursday. He was really sweet and polite, I am looking forward to tomorrow night Ok great! You weren't wrong to be suspicious. All you had to do was ask for more information, as you did by allowing him to actually call and talk to you and explain himself, and then from there you go along with it if comfortable. I think that was the right move. Some can just go without any questions asked, that wouldn't be me. I would have thanked him for the invite, given him my number then allowed him to call and if I felt good about it I'd accept the invitation. Enjoy!
Author Gaeta Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 I think it's inconsiderate of him to ask you to drive so far at night. I would have suggested a different time and place more convenient to us both. I find it odd that his colleagues had to guide him through this. Most men would feel humiliated and wouldn't say a thing for fear of the date ending badly. Not sure if I believe his story. Perhaps he is ashamed to be meeting women online or feels this makes him sound innocent or something. If you have his name, shouldn't you be able to google him on LinkedIn? I agree he should have offered something more convenient to me. I looked it up and it's 30km for me, and 15km for him, but it's out of our way for both of us. Weird. The bank he works for is known for being lead by women, they may have 4 guys out of 40 employees. If a man tell any lady he's looking to meet someone you bet the ladies will be happy to guide him from A to Z. Where I live there is nothing embarrassing being online. The site we met is a French site for professionals. I don't have his name but with his first name, and he gave me the Bank branch he works at, my friend can check him up if I ask her to. She's been with that bank 25 years.
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