Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I've messaged this man online yesterday afternoon, he is very interesting to me. I was inviting him to look at my profile and etc, etc, He read my message 10 minutes later, he looked at my profile several times that evening but only replied very late at night. I've just opened his message now and I am surprised at what I am reading. He says he looked at my profile, I look very comfortable in my skin and I have qualities he is looking for in a woman. He feels there is no need to delay and we should just jump to meeting over dinner. He is inviting me Thursday night 9h30 (name and address of restaurant) so we can exchange in a quiet environment and ends it with what do you think? I have never had this offered to me this quickly. He has not asked me ANY question. Suspicious?
iiiii Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 It does seem kind of strange. Having said that, what have you got to lose? If he sets off red flags during dinner, you don't need to meet him again. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Do you have any interest in the restaurant? I only ever went on 2 OLD dates & both were to dinner. The distance involved -- an hour each -- was too great to meet for a 20 minute coffee. We'd had good phone conversations so dinner was no sweat. Since this is uncharted territory, I'd be prepared to pick up the whole check -- just in case. I would absolutely offer to pay my share & insist on leaving the tip if the offer to go Dutch is declined. Given that potential investment on your part is why I asked if you wanted to go to this restaurant. If you would rather something shorter -- coffee only -- suggest that in your reply.
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 So even if he worded it : I am inviting you.... Doesn't mean it's on him? What bothers me is this invitation is prompt only by my profile pictures and my short description. I mean I have only like 2 sentences in my descriptions and I say nothing about me other that liking the outdoor. The restaurant he offers is close to him. We are separated by 30 km, most men wanting to be gentlemen offer to meet close to me or half way. The restaurant he is offering is an Italian Bar Restaurant, average main course is $20. But before inviting me out, wouldn't he want to know a couple of things? no?
Strength in Healing Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Truth is, most guys are interested only in what someone looks like in OLD. Not all guys, but most. They will give you a chance and even sometimes go as far as try to make things work if they like the way you look. Is what it is. Plenty of girls have done it with me, too, so not like it doesn't go both ways.
Haydn Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Just go. Have fun and see what happens. Take your purse just in case. And best dating trousers on. Good luck. 4
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 And the invite is for 9h30 at night. Who makes a dinner invitation for 9h30? A Thursday night. I think this is his usual meeting spot. Dinner at 9h30 means we will be out of there at 11h, maybe he expects me to drink a little wine (I don't) and I'll be easy to bring home.
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I reread his profile and he says he is looking for a serious relationship but while waiting for the right woman to present herself he is open to having a little fun.
mammasita Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I think its a little strange without a lick of conversation exchanged beforehand. You never know though, you really have nothing to lose as long as you keep your wits about you. Just go prepared to cover your bill even though it does sound like he is ready to pay.
PegNosePete Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 It's very strange. Why not give him your number and ask him to call you first? Or better, ask for his number and call him (withholding your own)? A 5 minute phone call should let you know if he's a freaky weirdo or a genuine guy. Don't just listen to what he says, but the way in which he says it. Maybe suggest a drink or coffee first to get to know each other a bit. Nothing worse than being stuck for 2 hours at dinner with someone you don't like. 6
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 It's very strange. Why not give him your number and ask him to call you first? Or better, ask for his number and call him (withholding your own)? A 5 minute phone call should let you know if he's a freaky weirdo or a genuine guy. Don't just listen to what he says, but the way in which he says it. Maybe suggest a drink or coffee first to get to know each other a bit. Nothing worse than being stuck for 2 hours at dinner with someone you don't like. Great advice! That is what I replied. I said I was always open to meet promptly but I would like him to make his invitation by phone and left him my number. 1
Haydn Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 why so complicated? He asked you out, 9.30 is ok. Just make sure someone knows where you are.
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 why so complicated? He asked you out, 9.30 is ok. Just make sure someone knows where you are. Complicated because the web is full of creeps and I meet one more creep on weekly basis. You think it's normal that right after you say hello to someone he comes back with a dinner invitation without even asking you 1 question? I could be jobless with 5 kids home for all he knows. 2
Elle1975 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I reread his profile and he says he is looking for a serious relationship but while waiting for the right woman to present herself he is open to having a little fun. They probably all think that.. only he put it on his profile 9.30 would be too late for me.. I'm almost in bed at that time!
Omei Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 They probably all think that.. only he put it on his profile 9.30 would be too late for me.. I'm almost in bed at that time! Lol yeah me too I sleep at 9 pm Gaeta your worry's are valid if it feels too fishy don't go. Of you're up for adventure go =] could always must say no thank you after.
martaldn Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 why so complicated? He asked you out, 9.30 is ok. Just make sure someone knows where you are. I go to bed at 930! lol I think its a bit late to be honest especially because she has to drive back home after that for almost 30km! why dont you accept the dinner but make it a bit earlier? 2
Haydn Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I don't know I've never dated online. Complicated because the web is full of creeps and I meet one more creep on weekly basis. You think it's normal that right after you say hello to someone he comes back with a dinner invitation without even asking you 1 question? I could be jobless with 5 kids home for all he knows.
contact1 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I think it is being overly complicated and that is the issue with online dating. If this had been done in person, a guy asking to take you out to dinner, would you really be "we need to chat and talk for a while, than maybe we can go out" when put on the spot? It is the same concept, he wouldn't know if you had 5 kids or a crazy ex boyfriend, just that brief encounter. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 To me, the fact you haven't even exchanged proper messages or spoken on the phone and know very little about one another, it would simply smack of desperation to get a woman, any woman, to go to dinner with him. It would turn me right off and I wouldn't be interested in dinner, that late, with a complete stranger. I bet he invites everyone who contacts him, or he contacts first, to dinner straight away, hoping that at least a few will bite. And his profile does state he's looking for fun until something serious comes along. Unless you're up for 'fun' and not looking for a relationship I wouldn't bother. 2
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I think it is being overly complicated and that is the issue with online dating. If this had been done in person, a guy asking to take you out to dinner, would you really be "we need to chat and talk for a while, than maybe we can go out" when put on the spot? It is the same concept, he wouldn't know if you had 5 kids or a crazy ex boyfriend, just that brief encounter. But you know we cannot compare online with off line. If that invitation had been done in person I would have seen his demeanor, how he carries himself, if he looks at me in the eyes, his choices of words, etc. I think asking him to make that invitation over the phone is reasonable. I need to hear how this man expresses himself. I don't need an hour conversation, just touching base and getting a feel of him. 1
HappyLove Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I agree with Across. It would be kinda desperate for you also to just meet a perfect stranger like that. I mean he could sound like Mickey Mouse for all you know. I'd offer a coffee meet for same night and earlier time. What if he looks nothing like his pics? Then if you hit it off you can do dinner another time. I've also found that men who scheduled things so fast were the biggest flakes. Good luck.
contact1 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 But you know we cannot compare online with off line. If that invitation had been done in person I would have seen his demeanor, how he carries himself, if he looks at me in the eyes, his choices of words, etc. I think asking him to make that invitation over the phone is reasonable. I need to hear how this man expresses himself. I don't need an hour conversation, just touching base and getting a feel of him. True I can see that. In regards to the above poster, you have to understand as a man on online dating, it is a land mine of rejection and endless conversations that just drop out of no where. So it is very possible he just wants to meet face to face and avoid the whole lets send each other a bunch of messages. It is very different when you are a woman on online dating as you will have a much greater selection than a man would.
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Without any prelude, it's not the norm but he may prefer in person communications. 9:30 is a bit late but perhaps he's European or doesn't get out of work until later. If you are this upset about it, don't go. Or spin it back on him. Say I'd prefer to to chat on the phone 1st. If the phone conversation goes OK then you can say considering the drive 9:30 is a bit late, can we make it 7:30 instead? See what he says. Just an observation, I'm not trying to start world war 3 here but as much as I can be a Pollyanna (I don't think I am but have been accused of it) I think you bring too much pessimism into things. A healthy dose of skepticism especially in OLD is great for self preservation but maybe, can you find something potentially good about this? 1
Author Gaeta Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Without any prelude, it's not the norm but he may prefer in person communications. 9:30 is a bit late but perhaps he's European or doesn't get out of work until later. If you are this upset about it, don't go. Or spin it back on him. Say I'd prefer to to chat on the phone 1st. If the phone conversation goes OK then you can say considering the drive 9:30 is a bit late, can we make it 7:30 instead? See what he says. Just an observation, I'm not trying to start world war 3 here but as much as I can be a Pollyanna (I don't think I am but have been accused of it) I think you bring too much pessimism into things. A healthy dose of skepticism especially in OLD is great for self preservation but maybe, can you find something potentially good about this? I am not upset, I am suspicious. That is why I am posting this. My men picker is off, just got stood up several times in a row, I want to verify if I am suspicious beyond reasons.
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