WrinkledForehead Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Yesterday was the first full day of NC. It's been a week and a half since the BU. I'm okay. I'm not okay. The pain hits me randomly. My work is a great distraction. I am leaving this knowing I did everything I could. I did my best with where I was. I'm looking at my own issues and absorbing them, working on them. I understand my failings in the relationship. I understand that until he heals, we'd never have the beautiful partnership it could have been. Letting go of trying to understand exactly why he'd leave when we were so commited to each other is helping. It is not my job to make sense of it. I said to him once that even if our relationship ended, I'd walk away grateful for the time we spent together. He taught me about what I want and need from a partner. He taught me what it is like to be genuinely loved. I am so thankful to have experienced a love like we had. I know he loves me still (he told me as much). I still hold hope he'll come home to me. I know this will dissipate with time but for now, the belief that what we had was a union built on friendship and true love still holds. I had love. I experienced love. I am blessed. I am brokenhearted. I go to bed every night sick to my stomach from my loss and grief, but I was loved. That is so fundamentally affirming to me.
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