Facebook has single-handedly set me back in getting over an ex

July 9, 2014

I do understand your frustrations with this. I'm going through the same thing myself. It's not so easy to just NOT look.

Many others have said to block him... that's a good plan.

But if you are like me, you'll find ways around that too.

In the end, you just have to stop caring enough to look. That will take time and you moving on with your life. Eventually, you won't want to look, or you'll look and it won't affect you.

I'm already at that point. I look just so I can laugh about it with my closest gf. It doesn't hurt me anymore, in fact, it convinces me, each and every time, that I did the right thing by kicking his lying cheating butt out. It's like some cheesy reality tv show that you don't want to admit to anyone that you watch but you can't stop yourself from watching.

July 10, 2014

I didn't realize I could block someone I wasn't "friends" with on FB, so I did go ahead and do that. That will at least put up another barrier to my temptation.

I do think I need to pull the trigger and completely delete my account. Not because of my ex, but because of everything FB is about. The few times I do go on there, I just find myself awash in negative feelings, whether I'm judging other people, envious of [idealized presentations of] their lives, creepily scanning through pics of someone I barely know. It just doesn't breed healthy behavior.

July 10, 2014

I didn't realize I could block someone I wasn't "friends" with on FB, so I did go ahead and do that. That will at least put up another barrier to my temptation.

I do think I need to pull the trigger and completely delete my account. Not because of my ex, but because of everything FB is about. The few times I do go on there, I just find myself awash in negative feelings, whether I'm judging other people, envious of [idealized presentations of] their lives, creepily scanning through pics of someone I barely know. It just doesn't breed healthy behavior.

Do what you need to do.

July 10, 2014

Speaking of Facebook hurting your efforts... I messed up. I started a 2-week Facebook cleanse in an effort to get over a guy. I was good yesterday and spent a whole day without logging in. Today I was not so good, I went out with some friends to a bar and we took some photos together. One of the people I met that night wanted to tag me in the photo he took but needed me to accept his friend request on FB. I broke my own no-FB rule and logged in so he could add me. I couldn't resist the idea of him seeing photos of me out having fun with my friends, of course when I logged in there were no messages from him I'm starting from square one again tomorrow. No Facebook! It's seriously my enemy right now!

July 10, 2014

I didn't even realise you could fully delete the account.

It is very difficult in weak moments not to look. But you are right, blocking him will put up an extra barrier and make it just that little bit harder to check his profile. Block him, deactivate.. I like the facebook cleanse idea. I stayed away for a month or two after my breakup and it helped a lot. When i reactivated i removed him from friends and blocked him, but have since unblocked him.. He doesn't post anything publicly but I can still see his photo ..

July 10, 2014

I can completely empathize with this. I broke up with my ex about 6 weeks ago. The largest deterrent to my healing has been his page on fb, and the fact that we share mutual friends. Each time I lost the battle with my own self-control and either looked at his page, or looked at comments he made on a mutual friend's page, it was like a knife through the heart and I died a little all over again. It set me back - every. Single. Time.

I think eventually, you will get to the point where I am at now - the last post I looked at out of weakness was so hurtful, and specifically insulting, that I am sick and tired of being emotionally exhausted. He is not coming back, we are not going to reconcile, he is part of my (albeit very recent) past. This is the "break" part of the break up. I am done losing sleep and having so much stress running through my system that I feel like I am going to have a heart attack. Yes, I will have moments of sadness, but it is a mirage or a trick if I think that going over to his page and seeing what he is or is not doing is going to make me feel any better. He is moving on, and so am I. Enough with the masochism.

July 10, 2014

Although it is up to you to have some self control Facebook does still have a lot to answer for in my opinion.

Yes you are the one who is snooping, only you can stop yourself doing that. However how many times do you hear things from third parties who are also 'friends' with people we block or ignore?

How many people are so called ' friends' with people on social media who if it wasn't for social media they'd have zero contact with normally? People use it to snoop on other peoples lives as a form of entertainment, and many people use it to try and show off or portray themselves as living the high life.

Facebook is largely fake, it's populated by bored nosey people who usually have large friends lists of people they hardly/don't know.

If someone is important in your life you don't need Facebook to stay in touch or know what they're getting up to. That's because you'll talk to them in person or on the phone, or even text message at the very least.

Facebook makes it too easy to see things you shouldn't, I have slipped up before and looked. Even during good spells where I haven't looked, other people I know have informed me of what they have seen on FB. If it wasn't there it couldn't happen.

My ex met her new BF through Facebook and left me for him. She's doing a PhD studying the perceived risks of on line social media which is ironic!

Facebook went a long way to destroying my relationship, she was always on it snooping at people she hardly knew and was constantly comparing our life (holidays, possessions, money etc...) to people on there. She would sit and view it at home, in the car, in the garden, you name it she was snooping and posting pointless status updates often. Then he came along and the rest is history...

You have to avoid looking no matter what, unless you reach the point where you don't care anymore. When you don't care you won't want to look anyway. Whenever you feel the urge make yourself do something else.

If you know others who are also looking at his profile do your best to make them aware you don't want to know what they see.

July 10, 2014

block her my ex was never even my friend on FB which is good now but blocked her anyway

July 10, 2014

STANDARD - FARE, I can relate. I'm sure most people have looked up their ex at one point or another. You're not the lone ranger. I get it, you just need to vent...but you do need to let it be a lesson to you not to look anymore. It's for your own good & you know it. So vent all you want about it hurting and sucking and then never do it again! :p

I'm a blocker from way back...and back and forth with blocking the ex there for a little while. lol Since seeing my ex's profile pic a pic of him and his new gf and feeling like I got punched in the fu cking face, he's been blocked again, for good this time. Never go back! That was in the middle of May.

I never have the urge to look at his page. I know it'll just sting like before. Tho, things like that sting less and less...hooray for me!

Anyway, people use media sites as a front for the most part. Believe me.

Good for him if he is happy but people don't change overnight or even over a year's time. IMO It usually takes a tragedy in someone's life for them to change their overall views, actions and beliefs. Personality rarely ever changes. You either get softer or harder. People do become better, they do change but they don't change because someone makes them happy. Happiness is something we do for ourselves.

For whatever reason the two of you just did not work out. One day you will realize that that's OK and you won't wonder "why not you" anymore.

Block him & don't give into the urge to unblock. My ex hates that I have him blocked. He wants me to unblock him, ya, AS IF pal. We have to protect ourselves by any means necessary.

Good luck & best wishes,

J

Edited July 10, 2014 by me85

July 11, 2014

Facebook went a long way to destroying my relationship, she was always on it snooping at people she hardly knew and was constantly comparing our life (holidays, possessions, money etc...) to people on there. She would sit and view it at home, in the car, in the garden, you name it she was snooping and posting pointless status updates often. Then he came along and the rest is history...

These all seem like things your ex did.

I'm a bit older, so back when my wife had her affair, social media didn't exist yet.For a time, I was militantly convinced that the advent of cell phone technology was responsible for destroying my relationship.

July 12, 2014

These all seem like things your ex did.

I'm a bit older, so back when my wife had her affair, social media didn't exist yet.For a time, I was militantly convinced that the advent of cell phone technology was responsible for destroying my relationship.

This is actually quite interesting.

People keep complaining about FB and how it destroys relationships... Only it really doesn't. People destroy their relationships.

People still cheated before FB. They broke up, they met other people and all sorts, wayyyy before FB came into existence!

People will argue that it's easier now... Maybe... But the fact that people cheated way way before cell phones or FB existed proves that those 2 things are NOT what's causing relationships to go tits up.

July 12, 2014

Probably my opinion comes from an emotional place.

But let me tell you this. Technology was the reason why my relationship became dark up to the point where he broke up with me.

He is immature, inexperienced, curious... That's why he started looking around on facebook, dating chats, breaking my trust and creating a paranoid/dark version of me.

If he didn't have all those distractions, maybe he would've focused all his thoughts and attention towards me and us. And we would still be together.

The power of a curious mind is strong, because with all the things out there (social, dating sites, etc) it's much easier to wonder and fantasize and check out emotionally, while CHEATING physically takes more courage.

So, I truly believe that if we all lived without all this temptations, relationship would build more powerful and deep because boredom or curiosity would be filled by other things and we would be more focused on the real people in our lives and cherish them.

July 12, 2014

Technology was the reason why my relationship became dark up to the point where he broke up with me.

No, technology is not the reason why it happened. It's the means by which it was carried out.

He is immature, inexperienced, curious... That's why he started looking around on facebook, dating chats, breaking my trust and creating a paranoid/dark version of me.

These are the reasons. He was still curious about other people, immature maybe in handling it and inexperienced in relationships.

If he didn't have all those distractions, maybe he would've focused all his thoughts and attention towards me and us. And we would still be together.

Maybe for a few more months. But as long as there were other people around there's always the risk of someone deciding to up and leave from a RS. Hell even on a remote island two people don't necessarily have to be in a RS.

So, I truly believe that if we all lived without all this temptations, relationship would build more powerful and deep because boredom or curiosity would be filled by other things and we would be more focused on the real people in our lives and cherish them.

That's a fantasy. As long as there are other options, a person with the mindset that there are other, better things, with an inner drive to try out more, will inevitably move on. It doesn't matter whether the incentive comes through a computer screen or the banter at a flea market.

Don't blame technology. Guns don't shoot by themselves. Cars don't kill. It's people acting.

Facebook has enabled people to find long lost friends and it has helped maintaining friendships across continents which would otherwise have been prohibitively expensive and slow. So use it right.

If you use it to open a can of worms WRT your ex every other day, then it is on you. I'm not saying it may not be hard to not look. Maybe I'm just lucky. I was able to not look at her account for 3 months now and only yesterday I went ahead and blocked her, just to be on the safe side.

Use technology right and to your advantage. Take advantage of all the features. Inform yourself what you can do and what you can't do. Don't use a technology if you don't understand it to a degree where you have a good understanding of how it will impact your well being.

In this and other threads people blame FB for something that's their responsibility before they knew what blocking even means. It's like slamming your car into a wall, climbing out of the wreckage and then being surprised if someone tells you that there are breaks on each car.

And trimmer gave a good example with the cell phones. If the parallels of this aren't obvious to everyone, I really don't know what else you can tell people to show them how silly it is to blame a damn technology for human acts.

And no, there is no way around blocking someone. Yes, you can unblock someone, but it takes 24 hours. So again, don't try to find excuses. If you don't know deep inside that you won't look at their profiles just block the damn idiot. It literally takes 5 seconds and you save yourself a truckload of pain and sorrow.

And then do all the other good stuff. Inform your friends that you don't want to hear about your ex. If they're blocked you won't see their comments in a friend's threads nor their posts on a friend's wall, etc.

Edited July 12, 2014 by umirano
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July 12, 2014

Probably my opinion comes from an emotional place.
But let me tell you this. Technology was the reason why my relationship became dark up to the point where he broke up with me.

He is immature, inexperienced, curious... That's why he started looking around on facebook, dating chats, breaking my trust and creating a paranoid/dark version of me.

If he didn't have all those distractions, maybe he would've focused all his thoughts and attention towards me and us. And we would still be together.

But wait a minute... (and I'm not being nasty or hostile here - I hope you will hear this as the genuine discussion that I'm intending...) You've just said he was immature, inexperienced, and curious, and I think this is key. Are you saying that all it would have taken would be to remove those particular "distractions" and he would have been a less curious, more mature, and more experienced partner?

I suggest that you still would have been with an immature, inexperienced, curious person who would have broken boundaries in whatever way was available for him to break them. In the 50's he would have been having long lunches "off-site" with his secretary, in the 90's they would have been chalking up hundreds of cell phone calls in a month. Now, he's got Facebook.

So, I truly believe that if we all lived without all this temptations, relationship would build more powerful and deep because boredom or curiosity would be filled by other things and we would be more focused on the real people in our lives and cherish them.

This sounds great, but I still come back to thinking that boredom and curiosity are filled in a manner that depends on one's character.

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Facebook has single-handedly set me back in getting over an ex

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