Have you ever done the "ignore them until they get the hint" method of dumping???

[Ordinaryday]

everyone I have read online says that this method is the lowest of the low, it gives the dumpee no closure, they are left hanging, etc.... I have read people say "I WOULD NEVER dump someone that way. it is so low"

 

but I have been dumped like this once. a few of my friends have as well.

 

In march 2012 I had two dates with one girl and I thought they went great, she seemed to be having a good time... at the end of the second date she said she would like to see me again...

 

I texted her a few days later, heard nothing from her. waited a week and then on the offchance my text didnt go through or she lost it or something (I knew that wasnt the case but I had to be CERTAIN) I texted her once more, no response...

 

obviously she wasnt interested and for whatever reason didnt want to actually say to me "I am not interested", she felt it was easier to just ignore me til I went away.

 

so... has anyone here ever had this happen to them? or has anyone here done it? what made you do this instead of actually telling them it was over???

 

in one way I felt relieved she did it this way cos it just showed me how nasty she was and that she was not worth my time either.... if she had told me what a great guy I was and how cool I was and that she wanted to stay friends that might have made it harder to get over her cos she was being so nice... but dumping me in such a nasty way actually did me a favour as it allowed me to get over her quick smart! I still dont like her for it though

 

so what is your experience with this?

[PegNosePete]

IMO:

After 1 date it's perfectly acceptable and normal.

After 2 dates... a bit less so but still not too bad. A simple text would be polite but not required.

After 3 or more it is low class and rude.

[phineas]

After the first date, if they are not contacting me to let me know they had a good time after we part I have very little expectations after.

 

I still contact them but if I don't get a response or they start fading out I just forget them and move on.

 

Its not even worth the energy worrying about it and her number is usually deleted shortly after.

[Ordinaryday]

they start fading out I just forget them and move on.

.

 

good advice on the fade-out! I saw a girl for about two months and on dates she claimed she was having a good time and she kissed me twice but whenever I texted her she would take a few days to respond, and give me some cliche about how 'busy' she was.

 

Right.

 

I should have seen it coming when she dumped me the very next date we had.

 

as one of my friends told me "if a girl likes you and is interested in you SHE WILL MAKE TIME FOR YOU regardless of how 'busy' she may be". so true.

[Targetlock]

why can't people just be honest about these things and upfront i got dumped through a text message once that sucked.

[Ordinaryday]

why can't people just be honest about these things and upfront i got dumped through a text message once that sucked.

 

I thought long and hard about it and came to some conclusions as to why people may take the 'cowards way out' when dumping someone.

 

1) they are scared at how you might react. they don't want to have to deal with you screaming/begging/making a scene (even if you wouldnt do that they DONT KNOW THAT) so by just ignoring you it is easier for them.

 

2) they really didnt like you and were offended by something you did so they want nothing to do with you.

[d0nnivain]

When I was young & immature, of course I did that. There are very few young people who haven't tried it because it feels less confrontational.

[Ordinaryday]

When I was young & immature, of course I did that. There are very few young people who haven't tried it because it feels less confrontational.

 

I once went out with a woman ON FIVE DATES that I thought went well and she did this to me. this woman was a Christian school teacher who told me on her dates about her strong Christian values and how she is an upfront honest person.

 

you just never know.

[aprilisi]

After one or two dates its fine.

 

I had it happen to me after 3 months, the slow fade and it hurts like hell. Its happened several times but the last was the worst. People say they're afraid of the reaction. Cowards. It's only human decency so the person isn't waiting for that call or email for weeks.

 

Both can move on with their lives. I can say I've moved on from the last man but over 2 months later I still check for a message from him

[Priv]

Is it even called dumping after 1/2 dates? I never dumped anyone but have ummmm... discontinued dating plenty.

 

 

I don't make a move on her, I don't ask for a second/third date, and just thank her for her time and say it was nice meeting her. After that nothing...

 

Does she really need closure by me telling her I don't like x or x or x about her? At this point she and I are still pretty much random strangers to each other so what would my opinion actually matter? Other way around I had it happen too plenty of times. Or get some standard line, and that is fine since well... see the above.

 

 

But yea... after dating for a while fading out is not done. If a date goes to 3+ I am usually commited anyway.

[Elle1975]

Yes, when I was a teen.. not in my adulthood.

 

I agree that one date it's no big deal, that happened to me. Beyond that, a quick message should be sent.

[mammasita]

IMO, its not even considered "dumping" after a few dates. You're not in a relationship.....you can't be dumped.

 

Sure, its rude...but take it with a grain of salt. Its been done to me, I've done it. You really don't know eachother well enough after 2-3 dates to even feel a loss so I say f*&k it.

[HappyLove]

I've had it done to me and it's a horrible thing to do to a person because the other person is clueless as to what's going on! You start thinking did they lose their phones, were they hurt? I think only the most low down disgusting, no morals, heartless person does this to someone. What respectable person would go from talking to someone all the time, texting all the time and dates to nothing? No human decency or respect these days. All it takes is a two minute phone call, "hey I think your great but I don't think we're compatible" or something like that. Hell even a one line text saying that! Instead of leaving the other person to go on for months wondering whatever happened.

 

At the end of the day anyone who is that cruel actually did you a huge favor. Who wants a relationship with someone so heartless? It also helps you get over them pretty quickly because of how they behaved.

[deathandtaxes]

I have never done this method of dumping, nor will I ever. I am an adult. I own my feelings and decisions. I try to live assertively.

 

 

I have never ended things after just one date. I always give the benefit of the doubt to ladies when it comes to less-than-ideal first dates. I think it takes a little more than that to figure out if I'd like to take things further. I have ended some after two and even three or four dates. And I always communicate. ALWAYS.

[Priv]

I've had it done to me and it's a horrible thing to do to a person because the other person is clueless as to what's going on! You start thinking did they lose their phones, were they hurt? I think only the most low down disgusting, no morals, heartless person does this to someone. What respectable person would go from talking to someone all the time, texting all the time and dates to nothing? No human decency or respect these days. All it takes is a two minute phone call, "hey I think your great but I don't think we're compatible" or something like that. Hell even a one line text saying that! Instead of leaving the other person to go on for months wondering whatever happened.

 

At the end of the day anyone who is that cruel actually did you a huge favor. Who wants a relationship with someone so heartless? It also helps you get over them pretty quickly because of how they behaved.

 

 

Try not to take it too personal. You are only hurting yourself with that.

 

 

But you sound sweet with first thinking they are hurt or lost there phones (less sweet after). Good for you

[Lipitor11]

I have done this recently, I've ignored this guy, he didn't take a hint, he kept on texting, he thought it was because I was shy. I posted this on here, and got yelled at my a few people as to why I'm ignoring him and that I should tell him straight up I'm not interested. Guys don't read minds, etc, etc, it's common sense, someone ignores you, they are not interested. Guys play the same games too. I've had plenty of guys ignore me, but since I don't read minds, I don't know of they are interested or not.

[ASG]

I've never DUMPED anyone like this. As far as I'm concerned, if we're not in an actual relationship, we can't be dumped.

 

But I have faded on a few guys over the years. And I've had guys fade on me as well. No harm, no foul, really. It wasn't like we were serious or anything. Most of the times we'd only gone out once

[katinlc]

Nope because it sucks. How hard is it to send a text saying I don't think we are compatible? The excuse that they get mean / defensive is not a good reason to me either, because you can always block that mess.

 

 

I've had plenty of guys fade on me after the first date or two - no biggie and I've come to expect it. I'm not sure if that would even be considered a fade other than they mentioned wanting to go out again, but then texting slows until nothing. I just mirror their texting and let them fade away. If I'm interested, I may text once and see if they pick up the communication, if not no biggie.

 

 

If a guy texts me and I'm not interested in continuing something, I have the guts to say it. Most just thank me for being honest and wish me luck.

[salparadise]

I did this... sort of. I was dating a woman who lives two hours away for nearly three months. I did most of the traveling early on. I am allergic to cats, and she has three. I had a severe reaction one night and ended up in the emergency room. We didn't want to quit seeing each other over the cats and discussed our options. There was no perfect solution.

 

She came to visit me a couple of times after that, and then I invited her for Christmas since she would otherwise be alone. This despite me having my daughter here and the relationship not being far enough along that I felt like it was time for them to meet. I asked her to come back for New Years eve and she declined. I asked her to come once more after that and she said I needed to come see her and do whatever it takes to make that work out.

 

Her expectation was that we should alternate, and when it was my turn I should get us a nice hotel room and we'd eat our meals at restaurants (my dime, of course). I figured this was going to cost me around $1500 a month (2 trips/mo). It would've cost her about $20 per trip for gas to come visit me. So she asked me about coming on a certain weekend but I had something going on, so told her that weekend wouldn't work. After that we exchanged pleasantries a few times via text, but I never said we're done or that I didn't want to continue––I just never proposed the next visit. She knew damn well that it wasn't reasonable to expect me to lay out that kind of cash on an ongoing basis, so I felt that her ultimatum of sorts was unreasonable and had a passive aggressive feeling. I guess she figured out my passive response eventually.

 

This wasn't going anywhere regardless. The chemistry was just moderate and the sexual compatibility was... well, let's just say she was restrained.

Edited July 9, 2014 by salparadise

[phineas]

I once went out with a woman ON FIVE DATES that I thought went well and she did this to me. this woman was a Christian school teacher who told me on her dates about her strong Christian values and how she is an upfront honest person.

 

you just never know.

 

If you are not tapping it by 5 dates you should of known.

Edited July 9, 2014 by phineas

[todreaminblue]

i only ignore guys or dates that have groped me disrespected me or shown me nothing that i have shown them...i dont dump people ....i offer friendship if i dont think we are compatible as partners and i am and do become friends with guys they have then the right to dump me i guess.....if they dont want to be friends with me...i am straight up with this.....i dont waste a guys time like i would hope they wouldnt want or need to waste mine....deb

[Simon Phoenix]

The fade is fine if its only been a date or two, but anything more than that deserves at least a phone call or a text if they make it clear they want to see you more. I did have one where I went on a few dates with a girl, went out of the country for a week, then decided that I didn't want to see her again when I got back and I wasn't going to initiate anything with her. Had she followed up after I got back (I let her know that I was going to be out of the country) I would have told her thanks but no thanks. She didn't though, so that dating episode just "faded" away, which was perfectly fine with me.

[guest569]

I did after 2 dates. If he were to keep texting and showing interest i definitely would have told him but he got the hint pretty quickly and perhaps was also uninterested.

[Ordinaryday]

If you are not tapping it by 5 dates you should of known.

 

we only dated in public places and it was my plan to invite her round on the sixth date but she ditched me before then

[No Limit]

I'm surprised this method even exists. At some point I would, you know, ask if we want to meet up again or something. And I'd have to receive a "no" as answer at some point.