In love with a woman who is into the submissive lifestyle

[Johnson1]

I'm 50 years old (but look 42) and a few weeks ago I made love to this beautiful woman (who is 42) on a small island off the Florida coast. We camped out overnight with a group of people. Half the night we were under the stars in the ocean making love, then continued in the tent til down. I can't begin to tell you what it was like. It was magic. Pure magic.

 

Anyway, we texted back and forth for a week before we finally saw each other. It took a lot of prompting on my part to get her to see me, even though she's the one who texted me back first after that night and would text me to say good morning and goodnight every day. She told me she was living the BDSM Dominant/Submissive lifestyle. At first I was taken aback (in thought only), but accepted it anyway because I want her.

 

Finally we met for the second time and went to dinner. Afterward we kissed passionately in the car where a little fondling occured. We ended up stopping because she said she couldn't go through with it. She told me she wants me, but can't make love to me because she said the 'dynamic' between us isn't right, even though we stare at each other, kiss and made love so passionately that night it on the beach it was incredible.

 

I just don't understand it. She actually started crying hard in the car because she can't process in her head why making love to me doesn't feel right even though she tells me how amazing it is. She keeps telling me that it wouldn't work out because she'd hurt me and she doesn't want to do that (which she already is because I'm madly in love with her).

 

We are a beautiful couple together. I could see it in the eyes of the staff in the restaurant. They practically rolled out the red carpet for us. We held hands and sat and stared across from each other, drank imported wine, and she told me about the her lifestyle.

 

The downside is she has this guy friend who is married and whom she confides and sees once a week for sex. She's at his beckencall. She says he calls her when his wife goes out for a couple of hours and when she comes over she doesn't whatever he wants. She a sex slave to him.

 

She says she wants a boyfriend (in me), but won't make love to me because she says I don't understand how she feels and she feels I don't approve of her lifestyle (which I really don't, but don't let on that I don't). She says I make her feel ashamed because of some of the things I say even though I don't know what I'm saying sounds hurtful to her. The way we parted after dinner was, she asked me in a soft, hurting and tender voice to please go, which I did. Later on I got a text from her saying she didn't want to discuss her lifestyle with me anymore and we could stay 'friends only' if I choose. At first I told her no way, but as lonely as I am and knowing how she makes me feel, I texted her back the next day and told her I'd rather be friends with her than lose her forever. I know she has this mental block in her head that she can't get past and it's keeping her from giving herself to me.

 

On the other hand, I think if she didn't want me she would've have texted me back at all right? I think she's trying to hold on too.

 

Anyway, I texted her today, but played it cool, kind of in a Dom (dominant way) and turned it around on her to try to be more like the guy she's running to. I told her we could be friends, but that she wasn't allowed to touch me (which I know would drive her crazy because I know how horny she is), since we'd only be friends. She took the bait and played along in the conversation.

 

The only problem is, I don't want her just once a week (if I can even manage to get that). I want her every day forever because I'm so in love with her. I called her bluff today basically. I don't know if it'll work. I know what she wants (part time erotic sex), but I don't think I can do that, and she probably won't give up sex with this other guy because he has this psycho sexual hold over her.

 

I'm 7 months out of a 27 year marriage and the first woman I sleep with is this beautiful, classy, intelligent woman whom I've fallen madly in love with, but know I could never have completely (if at all).

 

I'm a sensitive person who falls in love easily and I know she's kinda of sensitive as well since she cries over me. She's married and has two grown kids the same as I and we're so perfectly suited for each other. I adore her beauty and submissiveness and the way she makes love, (even though she calls it F******). She's seeing a therapist because she told me she has a fear of abandonment. She was married for 16 years, but it ended because her husband could've come to grips with what she wanted to do (which I can't blame him).

 

I don't know what to do. Before I met her I was severely depressed (actually I'm still depressed). I can't let her go, but she's incapable of love in the traditional sense. I'm hurting so bad. She's in my every thought. I'll never find another woman like her, but the though of her making love to this other guy every week and never to me is smashing my heart in a billion pieces. She says I deserve better.

 

I'm playing along for now, but falling to pieces inside desperately trying to keep her and cling to the furlong hope that I can get to know her enough to fall in love with me, but I know I'm probably kidding myself. She says should could be faithful, but I have my doubts. For now I'm just trying to see her as much as I can which won't be too often because I'm currently living with relatives until I move into my house in a week and she's always working. I don't know why but I just cannot give up on this girl. I feel like I'll be losing the most amazing love of my life. I'll be crushed forever.

[CC12]

On the other hand, I think if she didn't want me she would've have texted me back at all right?

 

Yeah, I guess.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

As beautiful, intelligent, classy, etc as she may be, this woman is damaged. What she's into goes beyond the scope of Dominance and submission. She's into being some man's personal f*ktoy and unfortunately, that is something you can never give her. What she lacks is self respect and self-worth. There are thousands of women who enjoy D/s and fulfill those desires with their partners and/or Doms that are not currently in committed relationships.

 

Its not just the D/s dynamic she's attracted to, it's the blatant disrespect, the sneaking around, the being "summoned" for sex behind another woman's back and being treated like the object she so obviously feels she is. While she may have some very real feelings for you, she's choosing not to allow herself to be with you because she doesn't feel she's worth it. OR perhaps she's just so addicted to the sex and degradation that she prioritizes her proclivities above everything else.

 

By the way, you're not in love with this woman, you're infatuated and your infatuation is only being further spurred on by her insistence that you cannot actually have her. Do not try to make some real out of this because there's nothing there for you.

 

You can never and will never fulfill the needs of a woman like that because you'll never be able to train yourself to treat her so cavalierly 24/7. She will get bored, she will go back to her "Dom" and you will be heartbroken.

[smackie9]

You are right you are just kidding yourself. Reality check:you are more depressed than before you met her, in fact you are destroyed. It's a perfect storm, you being fresh out of a marriage and very hungry and her trying to fix her unhealthy obsession with BDSM. You both are emotionally frail. Sticking with her is going to be an unhealthy situation. She has years of therapy ahead of her, and that's providing she keeps getting help. You can't "fix" this sorry to say. Despite how you feel, IMO you would be best to cut your losses because she will never be able to give you what you want and she knows this. Just because she has moments of expressing how she would love to be in a normal relationship....it's not going to happen, it's false hope to you.

 

 

Tip: when people are emotionally hungry, they misinterpret obsession for love.

[smackie9]

As beautiful, intelligent, classy, etc as she may be, this woman is damaged. What she's into goes beyond the scope of Dominance and submission. She's into being some man's personal f*ktoy and unfortunately, that is something you can never give her. What she lacks is self respect and self-worth. There are thousands of women who enjoy D/s and fulfill those desires with their partners and/or Doms that are not currently in committed relationships.

 

Its not just the D/s dynamic she's attracted to, it's the blatant disrespect, the sneaking around, the being "summoned" for sex behind another woman's back and being treated like the object she so obviously feels she is. While she may have some very real feelings for you, she's choosing not to allow herself to be with you because she doesn't feel she's worth it. OR perhaps she's just so addicted to the sex and degradation that she prioritizes her proclivities above everything else.

 

By the way, you're not in love with this woman, you're infatuated and your infatuation is only being further spurred on by her insistence that you cannot actually have her. Do not try to make some real out of this because there's nothing there for you.

 

You can never and will never fulfill the needs of a woman like that because you'll never be able to train yourself to treat her so cavalierly 24/7. She will get bored, she will go back to her "Dom" and you will be heartbroken.

 

Yes I agree it's infatuation.

[Emilia]

I'm 7 months out of a 27 year marriage and the first woman I sleep with is this beautiful, classy, intelligent woman

I knew this before I started reading your thread. Man, you are so far from ready to date that it's unbelievable. You are nowhere near emotionally stable and strong enough. You have no idea who you are to start with. I lost some of my identity after 9 years of marriage, let alone 27 years and the damage of ending it!

 

You need to get stronger, she can tell that you aren't stable enough, hence her comment on the 'dynamic'.