Themanwithaplan Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) I recently met a girl I really like. She approached me actually, which does happen but is fairly uncommon. We both have busy lifestyles, but have been talking for the past month or so through texts and a couple phone conversations(mainly to arrange dates). We've only seen each other 3 times, and I slept at her place the last two(just kissing and sleeping/cuddling). The last time we spoke was last Saturday(10 days ago) and that was her canceling our date which had been rescheduled from another canceled date a few days prior. She canceled both due to school and work related issues, and seemed genuine as far as I could tell(obviously can't be 100%). I get the feeling she still has some unresolved feelings for her ex bf whom she was with for 4 years. Her text window popped up when we were looking at her phone for directions last time and I happened to see some of the conversation by chance. We are in the early stage so I don't have any feelings of jealousy as we haven't had any exclusivity chats. It was just a little disappointing. So here is my question, I responded to her apology after she canceled in a light hearted "it happens, won't hold a grudge" kinda way. I've resisted my urges to text or call her since, I know she's been out of town with family. Plus I think the ball is in her court so she should contact me if she's interested, right? I just don't want her to misinterpret anything from the silence, and think I've nexted her or that I'm angry or something. I was thinking about just sending her a casual "how are you, hope you had a good holiday" text without mentioning any future plans. Also don't want to appear needy especially if she's trying to "fade" me which I've never experienced. I'm stumped. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks! Edited July 9, 2014 by Themanwithaplan
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Well, IMO you should have never used your dates to stay at her place to be her cuddle bitch. This can get you no where, used, and dumped. Obviously she is lonely and could be using you for comfort rather than a romantic interest. Like I always say, actions speak louder than words. If she had any true interest on a serious level she would be texting you everyday, or sending you a flirty message, etc. No one is too busy to spend a minute to send a text. You have had only 3 dates, nothing is exclusive, so you are free to date other people in the meantime. Don.t be some some love sick puppy waiting by the phone, hoping for a call from her. Don.t be invested in this one, I think you are wasting your time. 1
Thegreatestthing Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I think you should call her and arrange another date,but her cancelling seems to indicate lost interest so maybe not,and ten days with no communication clearly she won't be iniating anything or never intended too. It all depends on if her cancelling was genuine had to cancel or lost interest. I recently met a girl I really like. She approached me actually, which does happen but is fairly uncommon. We both have busy lifestyles, but have been talking for the past month or so through texts and a couple phone conversations(mainly to arrange dates). We've only seen each other 3 times, and I slept at her place the last two(just kissing and sleeping/cuddling). The last time we spoke was last Saturday(10 days ago) and that was her canceling our date which had been rescheduled from another canceled date a few days prior. She canceled both due to school and work related issues, and seemed genuine as far as I could tell(obviously can't be 100%). I get the feeling she still has some unresolved feelings for her ex bf whom she was with for 4 years. Her text window popped up when we were looking at her phone for directions last time and I happened to see some of the conversation by chance. We are in the early stage so I don't have any feelings of jealousy as we haven't had any exclusivity chats. It was just a little disappointing. So here is my question, I responded to her apology after she canceled in a light hearted "it happens, won't hold a grudge" kinda way. I've resisted my urges to text or call her since, I know she's been out of town with family. Plus I think the ball is in her court so she should contact me if she's interested, right? I just don't want her to misinterpret anything from the silence, and think I've nexted her or that I'm angry or something. I was thinking about just sending her a casual "how are you, hope you had a good holiday" text without mentioning any future plans. Also don't want to appear needy especially if she's trying to "fade" me which I've never experienced. I'm stumped. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!
Author Themanwithaplan Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) Well, IMO you should have never used your dates to stay at her place to be her cuddle bitch. This can get you no where, used, and dumped. Obviously she is lonely and could be using you for comfort rather than a romantic interest. Like I always say, actions speak louder than words. If she had any true interest on a serious level she would be texting you everyday, or sending you a flirty message, etc. No one is too busy to spend a minute to send a text. You have had only 3 dates, nothing is exclusive, so you are free to date other people in the meantime. Don.t be some some love sick puppy waiting by the phone, hoping for a call from her. Don.t be invested in this one, I think you are wasting your time. Thanks, I stayed at her place only after going out and having a really good time(s). I could have gone home but I just went with the flow, didn't pressure her etc... We started off texting slow after we met(maybe 6 in two weeks and nothing too serious), she knows my job is demanding, and her situation is even more demanding. i'm not one to get infatuated especially after just meeting, and she doesnt seem to be either. She has always given me the feeling through conversation and what not that she doesn't limit herself and likes women as well. I wouldn't be surprised if she was currently dating others, which doesn't bother me. In fact, I've got an awesome date with another girl tomorrow night! I have to say, I've never dated anyone like her and its just so exciting when we're together(like sparks!). There is definitely a strong attraction. I feel like she's interested, but spread too thin. Edited July 9, 2014 by Themanwithaplan
FumoBlu Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) Thanks, I stayed at her place only after going out and having a really good time(s). I could have gone home but I just went with the flow, didn't pressure her etc... We started off texting slow after we met(maybe 6 in two weeks and nothing too serious), she knows my job is demanding, and her situation is even more demanding. i'm not one to get infatuated especially after just meeting, and she doesnt seem to be either. She has always given me the feeling through conversation and what not that she doesn't limit herself and likes women as well. I wouldn't be surprised if she was currently dating others, which doesn't bother me. In fact, I've got an awesome date with another girl tomorrow night! I have to say, I've never dated anyone like her and its just so exciting when we're together(like sparks!). There is definitely a strong attraction. I feel like she's interested, but spread too thin. This is going to sound harsh, but it's not meant to be. As a woman in my late 20's who has been dating other women since I was 14, I only wish I had figured this out sooner, but if she's not texting you back it's because she's just not that into you, or she's actively dating someone else. There's always an exception for game players, or a 1% chance that she's so amazingly busy she doesn't even have 30 seconds to text you that she's too busy to talk right now or she'll call you later, but those odds are usually abysmal. If you're super casual about her and actively dating as well, then it doesn't hurt to just put her on the back burner and wait around for her to text you back, but the fact that you're posting here demonstrates that you're a bit more invested in it already. As long as you know she's not that into it, or at least not as into it as you seem to be, then I guess that can make it easier to swallow, but if you're hoping for something more serious than maybe a few more nights out I would definitely get out now as it seems likely it's not going to happen. I personally wouldn't bother texting her again as she's already proven she's not even interested enough to respond, so what would you really have to gain by going out with a girl that's that "meh" about seeing you again, cause I'm sure you're a lovely person. Focus on the future date with the new girl TLDR: If we're really into you, we WILL text you back. Edited July 9, 2014 by FumoBlu grammar
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 10 days is a pretty long gap. I'd write her off. Since she approached you, clearly she's comfortable initiating. It wouldn't have taken her this long to contact you. 1
deathandtaxes Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Two cancellations so early on? NEXT!!! The rest is just smoke and bs. 1
Diezel Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Themanwithaplan? Well, only if that involves the Friendzone.
FitChick Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 If I cancelled twice and didn't hear from the man again, and if I wanted to see him again, I'd initiate a call to pick another date and time. If I wasn't interested, I wouldn't bother.
Poppygoodwill Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I'd say she's just not that into you. People do what they want to do, even if they are busy. And let's get this straight - texting 6 times in 2 weeks! - that's like you exchanged 150 words tops over two weeks or similar. How does anyone expect to get to know someone that way? I fyou're curious about what's up and you want to be sure she understands you're open to seeing her again then PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL HER!! based on her tone of voice and how long the chat lasts, you will know pretty quickly what is going on.
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