Angelina_xox Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I'm a recent graduate, and I've been struggling to find a job. I have actually been unemployed ever since my boyfriend and I got together. My, boyfriend, however does work. And though he earns - he's only a manager at a fast-food restaurant - and he doesn't earn THAT much. Since my boyfriend and I got together, he's gotten me numerous gifts - and if I estimate, he's probably spent $1500-2000 in total on gifts. Considering we've both only recently graduated, I'd say that it is a bit too much. I feel inadequate because I can't spent as much on him. I've probably spent $500-600 in total on buying him gifts in return. Although, he always tells me that I shouldn't do so much for him because he understands that I'm unemployed - I still feel the need to compensate for all the things he buys for me. Now, our 1 year anniversary is coming up, and I thought I'd get him something small and sweet. Yeah, it's a memorable occasion, but I didn't think I would have to go all out. UNTIL, yesterday, my boyfriend randomly starts asking me what kind of jewellry I like.. Whether I prefer Gold or White Gold etc etc. I know he's doing this because he wants to get me something for our anniversary. But now I feel like I need to go out and put myself in a financial strain to compete with the type of gift he's planning to get me. PLUS, he wants to take me out for dinner at a super expensive restaurant, and what not. Although, I appreciate him doing all this, I feel like all this puts a burden on ME to get stuff for him back. Plus, he has really high standards. IF I do get him a gift, it needs to be something good. Not that he's ever told me that I should buy him things, BUT, I know his taste and lifestyle... and buying him something in return DOES mean putting myself in a financial strain to compete with him.
Els Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I don't see why getting a 'good' gift for him would necessarily mean high expense - you could buy a pretty darn good DVD of his favourite music or show or game for a relatively cheap price. And there is always the option of handmade gifts, does he not appreciate those? They take a lot of time but cost little money. If you are uncomfortable with what he buys you then you could tell him that and he should respect your request. But I don't see why you feel the need to 'compete' - gifts are about thought, not monetary expense. 1
xxmusical Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I remember feeling something similar back when I first started dating. But eventually, I learned that whatever I got for my bf, he's thankful for it, cheap or expensive. The most expensive gift doesn't mean it's the best gift. Gifts come in many forms, while others cannot be bought. If you don't like expensive gifts from him, tell him so. Don't be so pressured on gifts-giving. It should be a way to show your love, not how much you're earning.
justhadto Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Sit him down and have a serious discussion. Also,try to return some of those gifts. Lol Love is not a competition. You two are young with very limited income,so spending that much is absurd. Show him that you are appreciative. Don't make it seen like you are not. Just tell him that you appreciate all that he has done,but the gifts could be money for our nest egg. Also,look into babysitting. He is supporting you two,so make sure he is not overwhelmed. Good luck and is this gift thing new? Is he overcompesating?
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 It's not a competition. He is simply showing his affection for you & he has more means to do that then you do right now. Accept graciously But since it makes you uncomfortable, tell him to dial it back. Money can undermine a lot of relationships. You have to be able to talk frankly about it. Put a monetary cap on spending if it bothers you that much. 1
Strength in Healing Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 This is actually extremely common between men and women, and often goes without much attention, but is a huge problem in psychology and relationships. Men don't understand, when they shower the girl with gifts, often times it creates THIS EXACT SITUATION. The woman feels the need to catch up. It usually ends in a break up in time. I will buy my girl gifts, but they aren't expensive -- but instead, thoughtful, and they aren't often, which also makes them special. Showering people in gifts = bad idea, unless you're dating a kartrashian, which is a bad idea in itself.
Els Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Also,try to return some of those gifts. Lol Not sure if you were serious, considering the 'lol' at the end, but if you were, this is a terrible idea and is going to hurt him MUCH more than if she hadn't even given him anything.
Elle1975 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 There are other ways to show your appreciation to someone. Coming in from work in a clean house, a good meal, a smiling partner, etc.. that's better than gifts in the long run. And while I understand where you're coming from, you need to start listening to him. He says he understands you're unemployed, listen to that. Men like to be appreciated for what they do too, don't make it a competition. Just sit back and let him show you he cares.
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