Kirst101 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Ill start of by saying my best friend and boyfriend and both very stubborn and opinionated people. boyfriend is very sarcastic though and some people take him to seriously. we all use to get along go out together and drink, my boyfriend has never been a big fan of her but he always stayed civil to make me happy. Then one night when we were all drinking together about to head out my boyfriend was messing around and slapped my ass, don't know why but my best friend lost it at him called him a hole bunch of names (what was actually said I still am not sure due to why this happened I was talking to my parents) when I turned around my boyfriend said F this and stormed off. I asked my friend what happened and she said that he mentioned her ex and said that he was in Melbourne sleeping with other chicks, then when I went after my boyfriend he lost it at me because I didn't stand up for him and that he would never let his friends talk the same way that she talked to him, I explained how I still didn't know what happened and how I was completely out of the loop and didn't know there was drama till he stormed off. he said sorry and told me to go out and have fun but he's going to go home... she then hooked up with his brother and planned to hang out with him which them now completely hating each other (his words that he would spit on her next time he saw her) I am now caught in the middle, I got her to stop texting his brother as it was causing family problems and I didn't want her to do that to his family. but now It seems like I cant make them happy, if I hang out with my best friend my boyfriend isn't too happy cause he feels as though she doesn't respect our relationship and then when she wants to go out she bad mouths my boyfriend and says he doesn't treat me the way I should be treated. (so in a way he is true but i tell him she respect our relationship and usually tell my best friend to not bring up anything bad about him when with her) I am happy in my relationship we have planned and paid for a holiday for 3 weeks together, everything is fairly perfect he plans for our future and includes me in everything, and I love my best friend we have been friends for 5 years and I don't want to loose her but it has gotten to the point that i feel like i can't do anything right for them and my birthday is coming up so going camping but she is saying she isn't going due to the drama i know i have to talk to them both but i don't know what to say I cave and the thought of drama and just become stressed so i don't know how to be stubborn with them making it work for me. they both wont say sorry to each other, please help!!
TXGuy Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 That is a tough one. Should you back up your bff or bf? It might not be this simple, but what would you expect him to do if one of his buddies called you a stupid bitch and a bunch of other names? Would you want him to have your back? Or would you want him to hold his decision until he had done a full investigation to get his buddy's side of the story. How would it feel if after the investigation, he had not decided which side of the issue to take. Oh, and his buddy that called you a bitch started banging your sister. Its your choice to make, but maybe the three of you don't need to hang out together so much.
Keenly Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 This one is actually really easy. From what you have said, your friend is the one who acted out of line, and is actually getting away with it / being validated by you because you haven't called her on it. As he said, and as I would operate as well, I would NEVER let one of my friends get away with disrespecting my girlfriend. That is a no fly zone. If your friend REALLY is your friend, she will always be your friend (otherwise she is not truly your friend) but if you choose your friends side over your boyfriend... Well... Reverse the situation and ask yourself how you would feel.
CC12 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 It seems like they were both jerks to each other, with him baiting her by telling her that her ex was out banging other women, and her reacting poorly to that. And I'm not sure that her hooking up with his brother has anything to do with this - they're adults who can make their own decisions. If it were me, I'd pretty much stay out of it. I'd ask them both not to discuss each other around me, and I'd ask them one last time to try to just be able to be in the same room together. If they can't/won't get along, then you have to work with that. You won't get to spend time with your friend and your boyfriend at the same time. You'll live. Your relationships will likely suffer, but that sometimes happens with humans and their problematic emotions. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 It seems like they were both jerks to each other, with him baiting her by telling her that her ex was out banging other women, and her reacting poorly to that. And I'm not sure that her hooking up with his brother has anything to do with this - they're adults who can make their own decisions. If it were me, I'd pretty much stay out of it. I'd ask them both not to discuss each other around me, and I'd ask them one last time to try to just be able to be in the same room together. If they can't/won't get along, then you have to work with that. You won't get to spend time with your friend and your boyfriend at the same time. You'll live. Your relationships will likely suffer, but that sometimes happens with humans and their problematic emotions. Agreed. They both sound like they have some maturing to do. And it is not your place to be telling her not text his brother. That is none of your business. But I am curious as to why she thinks he doesn't treat you well - what is she referring to?
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