sexybeast11 Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 is it me, or do guys not ask girls on dates anymore? i feel like boys are interested in me, but are afraid to go so far as ask, "want to go out sometime"? it's more like - oh, a group of us are going somewhere, want to come? or, your out with friends, a cute guy that your friendly with, and he's flirty with you, but he's vague about spending time alone, just, so what are you up to later? i need to be chased! i'm a very shy girl, so i really do need a clear signal to take someone up on any offer. so, my question is, is guys asking a girl out on a date history, and guys are more just trying to hang out with girls in a group and then try to hook up with them?
Tony Posted February 20, 2005 Senior Moderators Posted February 20, 2005 It appears, from your near admission, that the problem lies with you. You need to flirt more, be more mysterious and alluring, and not so readily seem to want to be part of the gang. You might even want to get some dating practice by joining either an on or offline dating service and get paired in a non threatening way with guys with whom you have a lot deal in common. It's a great way for people who are shy or who otherwise have a difficult time finding dates to get into the mainstream of social life. You need to look at yourself closely and make the changes necessary to make yourself attractive (not just in a physical way) and enticing to the opposite sex. Finding the right people to make yourself available to is always a good thing to do as well. You obviously aren't hanging around guys who value a great gal like yourself. Don't be dismayed. Your time will come but you will have to devote some energy into transforming yourself into the kind of lady guys want to be around and want to look at in a romantic, sexual way.
meanon Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Most young people I know go out in groups and then get together with people from within the group. Why not try it and see how it goes? At least that way you are doing something, rather than just waiting around for Mr. Right. You may need to overcome that shyness a little too. It could be mistaken for lack of interest.
Zoot Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 I agree with Meanon. A group date is a wonderful way of finding out if there is something about the person who is worth going out on an individual date with.
monkey00 Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 tony is right. often the problem i find with shy girls is that even if they are interested, they will remain aloof. I suppose the reason those guys ask you to get together with him & friends or arent straightforward with you is because they arent sure if you have any interest in them. It's ok to show you're interested, it's ok to kino them, it's ok to compliment them (sparingly). dont be afraid to show your true colors.
alphamale Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Originally posted by sexybeast11 is it me, or do guys not ask girls on dates anymore? i the good looking women i know can walk into a bar or anywhere and get a date within 20 minutes.
Midwest guy Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Maybe they are too nervous? know Ive always been nervous around pretty girls. Like one time like 6 years agio when I was in HS I was sitting by myself on a bench and this beautiful girl just came and sat next to me and asked who my name was and told me who she was and I just got so nervous I blew her off. Of course I asked the pretty girl at work out and went so overboard I scared her off after a week. I dont even know if I want to ask anyone out now because Im so hurt.
lost_in_chgo Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 yeah, I've talked about that to a couple lookers. They really cannot fathom why people cannot get dates. Because all they have to do is say hi to just about any guy, and they get a date.
Author sexybeast11 Posted February 20, 2005 Author Posted February 20, 2005 thanks for the replies everyone. i think monkey's statement is the truth: often the problem i find with shy girls is that even if they are interested, they will remain aloof. i'm very afraid of rejection, so i remain aloof despite someone giving me signals they're interested. i don't know how to give signals back. i recently broke up with my boyfriend, and i was really spoiled by him. he pursued me aggressively despite my aloofness. he was willing to make the effort to get to know me. it helps that he's a very confident person. so, i guess my experience has been that men like challenges, but i think i'm playing a little too hard to get. where's the balance? i guess i am looking for a man who's confident enough to just straight out ask me out, or take the time to get to know me. but i know that i need to give them SOME sign of interest. where is the line of playing hard to get, and remaining mysterious, without being too hard to get?
Tony Posted February 20, 2005 Senior Moderators Posted February 20, 2005 Seems you did an excellent job directly above of answering your own original post. I'm glad some responses you received help bring things to the surface for you.
leeutalkin2me Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 I think I must the male version of yourself I have never asked a girl out, have never known if someone is interested or not and just cant bring myself to ask them out. It feels like the hardest thing to do ever. Heres my post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t57292/ I think i would take rejection so so badly, and not the most confident person in world, infact i have no confidence when it comes to dating as well i have never experienced any element of it and so it would kill me if i built up the courage to ask and someone said no. I know ur not supposed to take it personally, but well you would. I do see it as a world where guys ask girls out instead of the other way around, and so if u are the way i am, well you just dont win, as i dont know when to see if a girl is interested or not, or just being friendly, i probably would look at it to much and think they r interested and just wanna b friends I sympathise with ur situation so much ! Id appreciate any reply you have for my posting as i think we probably have things in common.
Hund1976 Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 I think there are a lot of cases of two people meeting eachother and they both like eachother but they are both too shy to make the first move. Asking someone to hang out in a group is a lot safer. I personally would prefer a girl who has the courage to approach me. I wouldn't want someone throwing herself at me but if a cute girl came up to me and said "Hi I'm Susie" it would impress me that she's confident enough in herself to just come up and say what's on her mind instead of playing games. But that's just me, I guess a lot of guys prefer to be the agressor.
alphamale Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Originally posted by Hund1976 I personally would prefer a girl who has the courage to approach me. I wouldn't want someone throwing herself at me but if a cute girl came up to me and said "Hi I'm Susie" it would impress me that she's confident enough in herself to just come up and say what's on her mind instead of playing games. But that's just me, I guess a lot of guys prefer to be the agressor. I will give u my experience HUND1976. Usually the women that have apprached me or shown strong interest in me first are the women who are not so good looking (fat, ugly, or both). Some of these women have to be the aggressor otherwise they are left out in the cold, dating wise. The attractive women that a lot of men are inteerested in are used to walking into a bar or party and having many men all over them so they have been conditioned to not approach men. Their mindset is that if he is interested in me and has enuf confidence then he will come to me. Attracctive females will usually give you indirect signs of interest but they usually don't make the first move. The man should make the first move anyways. That is nature. I've never had a long relationship with a woman that made first move on me cause everything starts out on the wrong foot.
Hund1976 Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Maybe I'm just lazy. Back in the good ole' days when I was in college I would just go to parties and seem to hook up with girls somehow with very little effort on my part. The bar scene is a lot more work. I would rather just sit there and have all the girls come up to me. I think I'm just getting lazy in my older age. A lot of times I would rather sit home and watch Saturday Night Live then get all dressed up and go out.
alphamale Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Originally posted by Hund1976 I would rather just sit there and have all the girls come up to me. I think I'm just getting lazy in my older age. A lot of times I would rather sit home and watch Saturday Night Live then get all dressed up and go out. Join the club man! Takes lots of time, energy, effort and money to get women out of their mini-skirts. You need to be charming, funny, etc...and that takes energy, lots of it. Many times it is shytload easier to sit at home and watch re-runs of Cheers and drink a few Molson Ice and eat half a bag of Cheetos. But i think most men would prefer women coming up to them. But it don't work that way when u get older. Too bad 4 us!
chris g. Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 So a question for the ladies, would you rather be asked on a date than something else, like to hang out to to study for a test, etc. Assuming the guy asking you out want really creepy, would it crepe you out if someone just approached you and asked you on a date?
nicki Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Yes, personally, it has put me off a bit when that has happened, but only if i've never seen the guy before. Otherwise, if he's been in a class with me, it would be great... If it's the first time to meet the guy, then I prefer to talk a while, and then have him ask me out to coffee (or to study) to continue the conversation later....much smoother... Then he can ask me out on a real date after we go out for coffee or after a study session. Help? By the way, I like men who watch Saturday Night Live and eat Cheetos. My kind of man, and a good date, too...
alphamale Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 Originally posted by nicki By the way, I like men who watch Saturday Night Live and eat Cheetos. My kind of man, and a good date, too... Hmmm...NICKI....i like gurlz that watch desperate housewives and eat orange marmalade on wheat toast.
nicki Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 , alpha.... you wouldn't like me then I still like Sat. Night Live (and cheetos) better!
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