How to break the chain of failures?

[Grevensteiner]

I'm 21. Until 3 month ago I had absolutely no experience with girls. I didn't even have any girl friends or girlfriends.

 

Then I met one girl (actually she met me) at my university, gathered my whole theoretical knowledge from PUA sites, and because she was very attracted to me we were in a relationship...for like 3 weeks. I was too needy and she broke up with me, no contact till today.

 

After that I began feeling great pressure to find another one, for me, and to show her that I can do better.

 

But although through these 3 weeks I got huge experience with talking to girls, sexual stuff etc...I can't get anyone.

 

That's really devastating...Lately I have managed to have great full-time job, partying 2-3 times a week, dancing lessons, and no free time at all. That's great lifestyle, but I still don't have women around me and I feel lonely.

 

At dancing lessons there's like one girl close to my age, and I'm not sure if I can do something here. I work as a computer engeneer, so there's not many girls either.

 

At parties...yeah, well... I'm pretty confident, so I approach girls, get the numbers...but they RARELY answer my calls, very rarely. Last week I was talking with a girl for like an hour, touching, eye contact, I got the number after 5min conversation...and nothing.

 

Last weekend I was at the party when two girls were attracted to me, I was dancing with them, but soon one of them was sitting on another guy's laps, and the other girl was hugging with some other dude (today I found out she was crying that HE didn't wanna talk to her after the party, and when I was trying to ask her out, she didn't even reply).

 

That's basically it, I'm not high, or pretty, but I'm not ugly either.

 

I'm feeling really down, because I am trying to find a solution really hard, but I don't even see one. The confidence with girls that I had during my relationship practically disapeared now.

 

Cold approaches? I was trying with asking for an hour, or some indirect...but that is pointless, and I'm not confident enough to approach directly, unfortunately.

 

Any other ways?

 

Also, what I think my problems are...I think I'm too slow with the whole sex thing...I don't wanna go for even a kiss until I find out more about a girl, which is like a week or so...That's a drawback during nightgame, when a guy comes in and almost ****s a girl during dancing

 

Another one is that it's difficult for me to talk with a girl...in a seducing way. I can talk about school, work, weather, music, etc...but I don't build any attraction this way. It's still difficult for me to do it right.

 

The other problem is that sometimes I still fear approaching women even at bars...I can do that, but not always.

 

Well, I really don't know how to move on. Any advices would be appreciated, if you'd find some time

[d0nnivain]

Most of the PUA stuff is hooey but if it gives you confidence, OK. Just don't treat it as gospel.

 

 

Your problem most likely is that the girls can sense your desperation. It's very unattractive. The more pressure you put on yourself the worse the downward cycle will be.

 

 

You need to be more aloof. Know you are a good catch -- you are employed, you dance, you have a good major, you look OK. Act like it's her loss if she doesn't date you. Do not be a stuck up obnoxious jerk about simply exude confidence, especially when you aren't feeling it.

[Moonborn]

Ideally you should actually be confident about yourself, and not faking it. If you fake confidence you will get caught eventually. I think you are going in the right direction though, don't get demotivated if you are not getting results immediately. Practice makes perfect.

 

Also, do try to be direct. Not disrespectfully so, but be direct. If the girl likes you it will make everything easier, if she doesn't you will know it immediately and avoid wasting time and energy. Besides the sheer fact of being direct is proof of confidence.

 

Finally, as d0nnivain said, use the PUA if it gives you confidence, but don't try *too* hard with that stuff. If you spend too much conscious effort in trying to use the tricks you learned reading around you will end being unnatural and it will backfire. And in the end relying too much on tricks is another way of being needy.

[Grevensteiner]

That girl I was talking about, who was keeping no contact with me for like 3 weeks...she contacted me yesterday that she wants to meet for a world cup tomorrow... It took me quite a long time to cure from her and meet other girls, and now everything is back :/ Should I treat it like a confidence boost and write her that I'm meeting with my gf or something, what should I do?

[d0nnivain]

Which option will make you feel better:

 

going or lying to her about why you can't go? You don't have to go but don't lie about a fake GF either.

[Scales]

If you are looking into game then I can try to explain this in "game" lingo.

 

You have a sticking point bro. You are doing something in the interaction/conversation that is causing the girls to put you in to the "nope" box. For most guys, this usually because of 1 or 3 things. Showing your neediness/desperation, being too friendly, or by failing the so called "Sh*t test".

 

From what you described you aren't being too friendly because you are being aggressive enough to make moves and show you are not just there to be friends. You are either investing too much or you are failing the tests. I never liked the term "Sh*t test", its just more dumb vocab made by the community to sum up a very easy to understand social idea.

 

When you talk to a girl, she will consciously or unconsciously test you to see what kind of guy you are. Guys have to prove themselves. What kind of test depends on the girls and what they are attracted to. Most of the time though, its to try and get you to show weakness so they can put you in the "nope" box. Anytime a girl can make you get defensive or cause you to feel not confident and you show it, you lose. This is something you can only gain from talking with people over time.

 

Unfortunately, you have to figure out what your sticking point is with girls. Once you do, you will CONSCIOUSLY have to fix it yourself when you go out. That means mentally thinking about doing/not doing whatever it is that is holding you back until it becomes natural.

 

Don't get hung up on some girl you "dated" for 3 weeks. If she wants to chill, you need to be aggressive because otherwise you will become her new bff. I don't care if she slaps you and leaves, what have you got to lose? (*Don't be a bully though. Harassment/Negativity is never a good look).