countryrider13 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I'm not here to ask what I should or shouldn't do....I'm looking to hear from those who have overcome the obstacle of infidelity. My fiancé and I were living apart for months due to work. Seen each other very little but talked every day. He didn't physically cheat but had contacted some women on dating sites and gave out his number to chat. I, of course, was very hurt and was ready to send him packing. I love him to death, never cared for someone so much in my life. Since then we've talked a lot, he's made changes, he's open with his phone, I have password to his FB and email cause he just gave it to me. We now live together and there's no more separation. He admits that he ****ed up. He says it was because we were apart and different needs weren't met, which I agree I admitted all the time that I felt distant and not close to him...that something was "off" because we didn't have time together. Nothing is an excuse by any means, but in my heart I do feel that he loves me and I see how much he hurts when he sees me upset and I bring up the subject of trust that has been lost and needs regained. He hasn't physically cheated but I still consider him reaching out in that time a form of cheating. I don't want him out of my life. We're working together to talk through this, even on my bad days he listens to me as I'm in tears....and says he has the rest of his life to continue to prove that it will never happen again. With almost loosing me he's realized how much he truly does care for me. When I said yes to marrying him I'm in it for the long haul, so I don't want to give up so easily. How many of you have been through some sort of cheating? And how did u get through it? What helped? How long did it take to get through it? And did you fully gain trust back?
scobro Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 My girlfriend cheated and I forgave her then she did it again a few years later.Its hard to change peoples patterns. 2
Mr. Lucky Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 He hasn't physically cheated I'm curious as to how you know this? Affairs go undiscovered when couples live under the same roof so how do you vouch for his fidelity when you live in different cities ??? Mr. Lucky 2
gettingstronger Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 We are 18 months post dday and its been a hard, long road- The upside is we have had very honest and open conversations and I no longer just blindly trust- I don't check up on him per se but I do keep my eyes more open than I did in the past- We also make it a point to check in on each others feelings/wants/needs more than we did before- Maybe, just maybe you having this experience before marriage will keep the two of you communicating and sharing longer and better than couples that did not experience this prior to marriage- I honestly did not think infidelity would be an issue for us- maybe you knowing its possible will help prevent it in the future- 2
Miss Awesome Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I'm not here to ask what I should or shouldn't do....I'm looking to hear from those who have overcome the obstacle of infidelity. My fiancé and I were living apart for months due to work. Seen each other very little but talked every day. He didn't physically cheat but had contacted some women on dating sites and gave out his number to chat. I, of course, was very hurt and was ready to send him packing. I love him to death, never cared for someone so much in my life. Since then we've talked a lot, he's made changes, he's open with his phone, I have password to his FB and email cause he just gave it to me. We now live together and there's no more separation. He admits that he ****ed up. He says it was because we were apart and different needs weren't met, which I agree I admitted all the time that I felt distant and not close to him...that something was "off" because we didn't have time together. Nothing is an excuse by any means, but in my heart I do feel that he loves me and I see how much he hurts when he sees me upset and I bring up the subject of trust that has been lost and needs regained. He hasn't physically cheated but I still consider him reaching out in that time a form of cheating. I don't want him out of my life. We're working together to talk through this, even on my bad days he listens to me as I'm in tears....and says he has the rest of his life to continue to prove that it will never happen again. With almost loosing me he's realized how much he truly does care for me. When I said yes to marrying him I'm in it for the long haul, so I don't want to give up so easily. How many of you have been through some sort of cheating? And how did u get through it? What helped? How long did it take to get through it? And did you fully gain trust back? I really hate to say it, but it sounds like you just caught him before anything got physical - or that things really did get physical without you knowing about it. If you two were talking on the phone every day, then I have to wonder why he was looking for other females just to chat.. what needs of his weren't being met by your phone conversations that would have been met by other conversations?
jackslife Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You're not married yet, you don't live together and you don't have children, you are also young enough to start afresh if you want to. If he is seeking other woman before you have even started down the long road together you should be concerned. My advice (FWIW) is finish it. You could give yourself 6 months and see how you feel about him or just completely end it. Any one looking else where at the start of a LTR will look again. Sorry. 5
No Limit Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You'll regret your decision. When I said yes to marrying him I'm in it for the long haul That doesn't mean that you have to be exploited 'in the long haul'. That's not what marriages are about. 2
tnimbus Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 My LTP and I are making it through after an EA(me), so it can be done. We've been together 19 years though, and there was only 1 episode, and no physical contact. That being said, I agree with Jackslife, you guys are just starting out....and he's already "almost" cheated. What's going to happen 10 years down the road when you have kids, stressful jobs and inlaws who you have to put up with...and a mortgage you may be stuck in. You're not tied yet, take some time to think very carefully about your future. I hope this helps.
Recommended Posts