Eagle755 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I broke NC. I've started seeing new girl to keep my mind off of my ex. Its working well. But a few days ago I broke nc with my ex to see how her move went. I was really short and didn't really care too much after she replied. I asked how things were going, she replied that they were going good. I didn't even care enough to respond. But she ended up texting me early in the morning the next day and asked how I was doing, I said great. And it seemed like that made her upset, and she asked what I've been up to the time we haven't talked. I'm still being short and barely replying. Pretty sure she has bpd, does have depression. And I figured at this point she'd have already forgotten about me or stopped caring because of her emotional issues. I thought it'd be bad to break NC. But seeing her trying to actually talk to me, and seem jealous of me doing well without her. Really makes me feel better. She was the dumpee, and slept with a guy a month after. Moved across the country out of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and to fix her issues after I found out. Is this good that I broke nc? And now feel this way? I'm trying avoid telling her about the new girl. Because it might mess with her head, and her head already a little bit gone from everything.
exhausted1 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 So let me get this straight... she's the dumpee, so you dumped her. You broke NC to make yourself feel better? Sounds like you're just trying to make yourself feel better and playing games with her. If you really cared about her, you'd leave her alone. What you're doing is just downright mean.
Author Eagle755 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Dumpee, and dumper are a new concept to me, I get them mixed up
Zahara Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 What is wrong with you? Leave her alone. Stop trying to step on her to make yourself feel better. Your motives for breaking NC and your further intent to use this girl you're seeing as a crutch for you to get through your own negative feelings towards you ex and to use her to make your ex jealous is absolutely selfish and unhealthy. You claim she is mentally and emotionally unhealthy and yet you want to mess with her head? You said a few times after breaking contact that you really didn't care too much -- but let's be honest -- you care because you seem to be wanting to go all out to mess with other people's emotions to get what you want -- your ex and the current woman you're seeing. 1
exhausted1 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Sorry, shes the dumper, my bad Ahh ok haha. That makes more sense. It sounds like games are being played still thought. If you didn't care to respond to her or were prepared to have a meaningful conversation, maybe you shouldn't have broke NC in the first place. You discovered that maybe she has not moved on and is still in a bad place but you have and of course it's normal to feel good. It's almost like you got the justice you had once envisioned. Be the better person and just leave this tormented girl alone unless you are actually looking to make her feel bad. Just take it as you came out on top after being dumped.
Author Eagle755 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 I guess I didn't make the story clear. She left me. Slept with another guy as we lived together, behind my back. Strung me along, kissing and cuddling with me every night right after getting back from his house and having sex with him. She deliberately destroyed me and threw everything we went through out window. Then before leaving, she hung out with several guys and kept hiding and lying about things, at the same time saying "I love you and I really want to be with you" And also at the same time, showing almost no emotion to me, as if she didn't care what so ever about how I felt at all, usually ignoring me and talking to another guy
Author Eagle755 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 I mean I do care. But I'm not extremely emotional about it anymore. The whole time during NC i was dying. I was going through so much stress. Thinking and knowing she probably doesn't care anymore. Even though we went through so much. She may not even care still, she might just be saying things dramatically to make me think she cares But I'm gonna take it as she does and try to come out of it better
Zahara Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I mean I do care. But I'm not extremely emotional about it anymore. The whole time during NC i was dying. I was going through so much stress. Thinking and knowing she probably doesn't care anymore. Even though we went through so much. She may not even care still, she might just be saying things dramatically to make me think she cares But I'm gonna take it as she does and try to come out of it better Really? Your thread 8 days ago you said you love this girl way too much. In your thread you also said that she suggested NC because when you both keep in contact you make each other jealous, more so with her. You just justified what she said. Leave her alone. Let her go and deal with her mental and emotional issues and you should stay away from triggering her and adding to her dysfunction. And if you are still emotionally and mentally invested in your ex, do the right thing by this new woman. She's most likely into you with honest intent and interest, let her go if you cannot or aren't ready reciprocate.
Author Eagle755 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 You're right I'm starting to think something might be wrong with me as well
kane30us Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Leave her alone! Don't break NC. Also, its not fair to the "new girl". The fact you're dating her to get your mind off someone is kind of hurtful to her, if you really think about it. Also, you're taking pleasure with your ex feeling bad. You don't sound emotional healthy at all. You think you are but you're kidding yourself. Emotionally healthy adults don't act like that. Its never a good thing to break NC! Unless you have to.
Author Eagle755 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 I'm not healthy, I'm very screwed up right now after all that happened I'm trying to find anything and everything to pull me out of depression
kane30us Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Just remember you're not alone. Everyone on here has been through it. I can't tell how better I feel then 5 months ago. And so will you. The only way to do it is though NC. That means FB, Google, etc, etc. After a week or so you will start to feel so much better. Force yourself out of the house. Anything to take your mind off of. This might sound funny but one of the things that helped me is video games. I'm not a gammer at all! But, I do have a P34 and getting sucked into a game forces your mind away from what's driving you crazy. What I'm getting at is try to think of something else. I feel for ya, dude. I was there not to long ago. Also, hitting the gym, exercise does amazing things for the mind.
Author Eagle755 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 I went 4 days NC, and started having the worst anxiety. Could not function properly. I was into working out, was looking great, then all of that depression made me so skinny and weak again. Trying to slowly get back into it, but I have no drive or motivation for anything anymore. I made this post just to see if breaking NC was a good choice, it feels good, and I feel better. But I know it was a bad choice, I'll probably go back to NC and stick with it. But there's still so much that my mind thinks about because I have no closure. Dating people with bpd gives you the worst closure.
exhausted1 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Just remember you're not alone. Everyone on here has been through it. I can't tell how better I feel then 5 months ago. And so will you. The only way to do it is though NC. That means FB, Google, etc, etc. After a week or so you will start to feel so much better. Force yourself out of the house. Anything to take your mind off of. This might sound funny but one of the things that helped me is video games. I'm not a gammer at all! But, I do have a P34 and getting sucked into a game forces your mind away from what's driving you crazy. What I'm getting at is try to think of something else. I feel for ya, dude. I was there not to long ago. Also, hitting the gym, exercise does amazing things for the mind. He speaks truth. Everyone on here is here for very similar reasons. I'm on day 4 and it sucks but one day at a time right? 1
kane30us Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Yea, you need closer. That was my issue. I never had it. But, a month after my breakup, I broke NC and I realized we weren't getting back together. That was my closer. You need to find some closer in this. That fact she left you should be enough closer for you. What more do you need? And I know dating made me feel worse. So I took one month off. I want NC and all I did is focus on me. Don't get me wrong I still will think of her now and then but is not running my life. I feel so much stronger now from it. You may not think so but so will you. Read the book the 4 agreements. It really helped me.
Chi townD Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Dude, you feel good because you got high. You are a drug addict and an alcoholic. When you go into NC you can have the SAME TYPE of withdrawl symptoms as an addict trying to get clean. Having trouble eating, having trouble sleeping, anxiety attacks, depression, the drugs (your Ex) are on your mind morning, noon and night..... the very same symptoms. You broke NC because you needed that fix, that high you got by talking to her. Sorry to say, you're going to start feeling bad in a couple of days. ANd questioning everything again. 1
kane30us Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Dude, you feel good because you got high. You are a drug addict and an alcoholic. When you go into NC you can have the SAME TYPE of withdrawl symptoms as an addict trying to get clean. Having trouble eating, having trouble sleeping, anxiety attacks, depression, the drugs (your Ex) are on your mind morning, noon and night..... the very same symptoms. You broke NC because you needed that fix, that high you got by talking to her. Sorry to say, you're going to start feeling bad in a couple of days. ANd questioning everything again. That is so true! I remember thinking that when I was going throgh the early stages of NC. When you do break it, I agree you feel good about it then you feel so guilty and eventually worse then before. The early stage feels like withdrawal. So True!
Author Eagle755 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Never done any drugs, or smoked, and I don't drink. Being with someone could be my addiction. I hate being alone. You actually hit the nail on the head with that one. Its actually how it's always been, whenever I have a break up, I go through the same withdrawals. How do I fix that?
Chi townD Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 The treatment is the exact same as what an addict getting clean does. One day at a time. You have to take it one day at a time. When the pull of your Ex is the greatest, you have to tell yourself that you just need to get to the end of the day without contacting your Ex at all (complete NC). Go to bed at night and pat yourself on the back for making it. Because, tomorrow is a new day and you might not feel that bad the next day. You have AA meetings you should have to go to for support. Your AA meetings is LS. US!!! We are your support group when you're feeling weak.
kane30us Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 By going NC. That's what we are trying to tell you. Live a good life or at least try. But not trying at all will make you miserable.
BC1980 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Never done any drugs, or smoked, and I don't drink. Being with someone could be my addiction. I hate being alone. You actually hit the nail on the head with that one. Its actually how it's always been, whenever I have a break up, I go through the same withdrawals. How do I fix that? You need to deal with why you feel that way. An awful lot of people have abandonment issues from childhood or seek validation from another person to make them happy. It's normal to want companionship, but many people are in unhealthy relationships because they are scared to be alone. 1
shoegal4 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Dude, you feel good because you got high. You are a drug addict and an alcoholic. When you go into NC you can have the SAME TYPE of withdrawl symptoms as an addict trying to get clean. Having trouble eating, having trouble sleeping, anxiety attacks, depression, the drugs (your Ex) are on your mind morning, noon and night..... the very same symptoms. You broke NC because you needed that fix, that high you got by talking to her. Sorry to say, you're going to start feeling bad in a couple of days. ANd questioning everything again. This has got to be the best metaphor...ever. I'm 30+ days clean!! Lolol .
NopeNah Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Its actually how it's always been, whenever I have a break up, I go through the same withdrawals. How do I fix that? Start doing drugs and drinking!
Author Eagle755 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Lmao "start doing drugs and drinking" But yeah, I definitely have abandonment issues for having a mom that was bipolar and a dad that was gone all the time and was alone pretty much my whole life. Its kind of funny I pick a girl as damaged as my mom was
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