bg54 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 My boyfriend and I got into a pretty big fight last night and he said very hurtful things. It all started in the car when he was driving to the bank and I wasn't reading the directions the way he wanted me to; he claimed I had an attitude and rolled my eyes at him (but i didnt). We arrive at the bank and there was some issue with him being able to pull money out. As we drove home I could tell that something was wrong so I remained silent, which I guess pissed him of even more. Long story short, we arrive at his place and goes in to grab my keys and comes out and says "I will contact you when I want to". I was not okay with that so I asked him to explain what was going on and he just kept saying that he wants to go upstairs and cool off and not think about it. I couldn't bring myself to let him just walk away because I was scared that if i let him walk away then he wouldnt come back. Everything started to escalate and I asked him if i had anything to worry about and he said no, just let me go. But I wouldnt stop and he got meaner and meaner and started to say that he doesnt see a future with me and that im "mean". I got in my car and drove away. an hour later he texted me saying "im sorry for the things i said. i was just so angry". this morning he then said "im sorry for hurting your feelings. but i still think we need some time apart". Background: My boyfriend is going through a big change right now and has a lot of stress; hes starting his own company. Also, I know that he is struggling with finances. To add, he is not very good at expressing himself, he tends to just let things go and build up and then he explodes. He is also a musician which means he is very passionate and can be impulsive at times. But my question is, do I need to worry about anything? I agree with taking some time to do our own things because we do spend a lot of time together. But when I hear "time apart" all i think about is him sitting there thinking even more about how he doesnt want to be with me and uncovering more and more reasons. I sound pathetic but I truly love this man and I would give anything to make our relationship work. It's the first time that I actually want to be a better version of myself. I will give him this time but I am scared that it will only hurt us. I would love to hear from anyone who can relate to my situation:)
MoreCoffee Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) For me, "Wanting space," means anything from: "I need to be alone to clear my head," to "We're done, I'm just breaking up in 1,2,3 parts because it's easier." Tone, emotion and situation context are usually the modifiers. Some information might be missing for an full evaluation, but it sounds like you have to be more emotionally secure, if not all around, at least until his stressful time passes. Edited July 8, 2014 by MoreCoffee 2
Owl Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I'll be the alarmist here. IME, "I need some space" usually means "I need some space to explore a relationship with someone else". Not in every single situation...but in most of them. 1
writergal Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Have to agree with Owl. Most of the time, "I need some space" is pre-break-up talk, a foreshadowing to the end of the relationship. Most of the time. Sometimes it just means "give me some space," but that depends on a lot of things. It's not a good thing to hear that phrase spoken from your romantic partner. At this point, you have no choice but to leave your boyfriend alone and try to find ways to occupy your time. Don't harass him with texts, phone calls and emails. The more needy you are right now, the quicker he'll pull away. He'll resent you for not respecting him enough to give him space and that'll be the end of your relationship. When conflict arises do you always shut down and stay silent? How do you two normally fight? Does he normally storm off for some space and then returns later when he's cooled down?
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 While I agree that I need space is often a precursor to a break up, in the case, I think your BF legitimately wanted to cool off. My husband & I both adopt a retreat not escalation policy when fighting because we both know that if we fight we're the types who go for the jugular & some things you just can't take back. Give him 24 hours at least, & call him tomorrow if he doesn't call you. 1
SammySammy Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 My boyfriend and I got into a pretty big fight last night and he said very hurtful things. It all started in the car when he was driving to the bank and I wasn't reading the directions the way he wanted me to; he claimed I had an attitude and rolled my eyes at him (but i didnt). We arrive at the bank and there was some issue with him being able to pull money out. As we drove home I could tell that something was wrong so I remained silent, which I guess pissed him of even more. Long story short, we arrive at his place and goes in to grab my keys and comes out and says "I will contact you when I want to". I was not okay with that so I asked him to explain what was going on and he just kept saying that he wants to go upstairs and cool off and not think about it. I couldn't bring myself to let him just walk away because I was scared that if i let him walk away then he wouldnt come back. Everything started to escalate and I asked him if i had anything to worry about and he said no, just let me go. But I wouldnt stop and he got meaner and meaner and started to say that he doesnt see a future with me and that im "mean". I got in my car and drove away. an hour later he texted me saying "im sorry for the things i said. i was just so angry". this morning he then said "im sorry for hurting your feelings. but i still think we need some time apart". Background: My boyfriend is going through a big change right now and has a lot of stress; hes starting his own company. Also, I know that he is struggling with finances. To add, he is not very good at expressing himself, he tends to just let things go and build up and then he explodes. He is also a musician which means he is very passionate and can be impulsive at times. But my question is, do I need to worry about anything? I agree with taking some time to do our own things because we do spend a lot of time together. But when I hear "time apart" all i think about is him sitting there thinking even more about how he doesnt want to be with me and uncovering more and more reasons. I sound pathetic but I truly love this man and I would give anything to make our relationship work. It's the first time that I actually want to be a better version of myself. I will give him this time but I am scared that it will only hurt us. I would love to hear from anyone who can relate to my situation:) Hmmm. He says that you're mean. This is the first time you actually want to be a better version of yourself. Interesting.
SummerDreams Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 One very smart thing I read in a forum regarding this phrase was "what does I need space mean? What am I, a furniture to take your space?". It means the same as when a doctor calls you from a hospital and says "you need to come here asap". He can't tell you a loved one died, so he says something that won't make him listen to your crying and frustration.
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