triniechu Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 So it's been a month and about a week since the break up. I decided to sign up for OKcupid and just to get to meet people and see what else is out there. I did end up going on a date with an Irishman this past weekend. It was really nice. We went to B&N for coffee and we laughed and talked for hours! We were together until the store closed. He walked me to my car and we both didnt want the night to end. He told me he wanted to take me out on a proper romantic date and he politely asked me for a kiss. I kissed him and it was really nice. I was surprised and wasn't expecting all of that. Did I think of my ex when I kissed him?? YES! Is that normal? Not sure if the thoughts meant I miss him or if the thoughts meant it was really time to say goodbye and move on? Other than that, it was really fun. We talked here and there after the date. He actually works a lot. So I haven't really been contacting him alot. If he wants to contact me, he can usually contact me on OKcupid and he has my number. We'll see how it goes with this guy but I'm really not looking into getting serious yet. Taking it one step at a time
HappyLove Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 This is why online dating sucks. You are clearly not ready to date but playing with OLDing so you can feel better. That's means playing with people's emotions. Meanwhile some guy hoping to meet someone he can truly date and build a relationship with has no clue you're still emotionally attached to your ex. It's sad how people use others with OLDing. I'd be so upset if I met a great guy OLDing only to find out he's thinking about his ex when he's with me. Meanwhile I'm smiling like a fool thinking I've met someone with potential. Why can't people just spend 5 minutes of their lives being alone and healing and learning from past relationships THEN when truly ready you OLD?! 9
smackie9 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Good for you getting back out there having fun. Of course it's normal to be thinking about your ex, because your ex was a big part of your life, it takes time for that residual to fade. That's why it would be wise to not get into something serious so soon, you are not emotionally ready to invest your feelings into another relationship yet. Just keep your options open, because everything on the menu always looks really good when you are starving, get what I mean? 1
Gaeta Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 This is why online dating sucks. You are clearly not ready to date but playing with OLDing so you can feel better. That's means playing with people's emotions. Meanwhile some guy hoping to meet someone he can truly date and build a relationship with has no clue you're still emotionally attached to your ex. It's sad how people use others with OLDing. I'd be so upset if I met a great guy OLDing only to find out he's thinking about his ex when he's with me. Meanwhile I'm smiling like a fool thinking I've met someone with potential. Why can't people just spend 5 minutes of their lives being alone and healing and learning from past relationships THEN when truly ready you OLD?! Not everyone online are looking for serious relationship. The important is to be truthful about what you're looking for. I came across several profiles of men being honest saying I don't want anything serious I am just looking to casually date, make friends, have fun. First question I ask is how long you've been single. If it's been under 1 year I go next. If a guy looking for something serious is dating OP then it's on him for not being smart.
HappyLove Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Not everyone online are looking for serious relationship. The important is to be truthful about what you're looking for. I came across several profiles of men being honest saying I don't want anything serious I am just looking to casually date, make friends, have fun. First question I ask is how long you've been single. If it's been under 1 year I go next. If a guy looking for something serious is dating OP then it's on him for not being smart. True, it would be nice if people put a disclaimer at the end of their profiles. *Using you to get over my ex. Thanks for participating* But for the poor sucker who joined OLDing to I don't know....maybe ONLINE DATE, sucks for them to have to read between the lines and ask all the right questions to figure out if someone is using you or not. 1
PegNosePete Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Sounds good OP... you probably won't find a perfect relationship with the first guy you meet, nor the 2nd or 3rd or 4th. But good to see your experience of OLD has been a happy one so far. It won't always go that smoothly. Take the rough with the smooth. Perfectly normal to think about your ex, as long as those thoughts are "omg this guy is SO much better than my ex"... some guy hoping to meet someone he can truly date and build a relationship with I'll remind you that you said this, next time you say that everyone on OLD sucks. Which, for anyone who doesn't know, is almost every other post
HappyLove Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Sounds good OP... you probably won't find a perfect relationship with the first guy you meet, nor the 2nd or 3rd or 4th. But good to see your experience of OLD has been a happy one so far. It won't always go that smoothly. Take the rough with the smooth. Perfectly normal to think about your ex, as long as those thoughts are "omg this guy is SO much better than my ex"... I'll remind you that you said this, next time you say that everyone on OLD sucks. Which, for anyone who doesn't know, is almost every other post I'm the first one to admit there are great people online trying to meet someone! Unfortunately it's filled with 90% of situations like this or close to it. So it's nearly impossible to find that great match.
PegNosePete Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Unfortunately it's filled with 90% of situations like this or close to it. So it's nearly impossible to find that great match. Then 17% of marriages and 20% of current committed relationships in the US have "done the nearly impossible". Online Dating Statistics | Statistic Brain Really I think your views on OLD are incredibly inaccurate. Just because you've had some bad experiences, doesn't mean everyone has. 2
WonderKid Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 That's why I kinda stayed away from profiles that said, "I've been hurt in the past etc..." Because they'll almost instantly compare and contrast you to their ex. And sometimes all it takes is one flaw--it could be small--and you'll have no chance. But OLDing is definitely a rebound field. I don't think i could keep dating a woman knowing she might constantly have her ex on her mind.
Author triniechu Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Thanks for the feedback guys! Yeah I mean when we both started talking online we both mentioned we dont want anything serious and even said we were just out there looking to meet people and new friends. If he was looking for something serious, I probably wouldn't have met up with him. 1
MissBee Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 If when you kiss someone new you are thinking of someone old...YOU'RE NOT READY to date. You seem to be on the rebound. I always know I'm ready when I can go out with a new person and enjoy THEM and the only ex thought is, wow, he is so much better in XYZ way. But if it's anything but that, especially when we kiss, I'm not ready. 1
FitnessRN Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) <commercial site reference redacted> Always have the people message you first, that's what I've been told. Edited July 9, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Gaeta Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) 40% of online successful relationships, the woman made first contact. My last relationship the man was thrilled I had messaged him, he would have never messaged me, he felt I was out of his league which was a non-sense he was an amazing good looking man, he just didn't know! Edited July 9, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
FitnessRN Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 40% of online successful relationships, the woman made first contact. My last relationship the man was thrilled I had messaged him, he would have never messaged me, he felt I was out of his league which was a non-sense he was an amazing good looking man, he just didn't know! I can only imagine how many guys message a girl immediately. I have been told its better to have the girl message you if you are a guy that way there is actual interest and they don't go through about 80 people hitting them up.
Diezel Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 If when you kiss someone new you are thinking of someone old...YOU'RE NOT READY to date. You seem to be on the rebound. I always know I'm ready when I can go out with a new person and enjoy THEM and the only ex thought is, wow, he is so much better in XYZ way. But if it's anything but that, especially when we kiss, I'm not ready. BINGO. SEEM to be on the rebound? Nope, she is. I think none of my OLD relationships started with me messaging, as well. Waste of time for me to sit there and fire out torpedos.
Author triniechu Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 No but you guys are right though. I really do appreciate the replies to this thread. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone if they really are looking for a relationship.
bromantic Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 This is why online dating sucks. You are clearly not ready to date but playing with OLDing so you can feel better. That's means playing with people's emotions. Meanwhile some guy hoping to meet someone he can truly date and build a relationship with has no clue you're still emotionally attached to your ex. It's sad how people use others with OLDing. I'd be so upset if I met a great guy OLDing only to find out he's thinking about his ex when he's with me. Meanwhile I'm smiling like a fool thinking I've met someone with potential. Why can't people just spend 5 minutes of their lives being alone and healing and learning from past relationships THEN when truly ready you OLD?! This is not an OLD phenomenon; this happens in real life meetings too. So blame the person not the medium. 2
HappyLove Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 This is not an OLD phenomenon; this happens in real life meetings too. So blame the person not the medium. This would make sense if people didn't go on an online dating site to DATE! You are specifically there for THAT purpose! You are assuming that the other person is on said ONLINE DATING SITE because they are ready and interested in dating someone as well.
FitnessRN Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) One of the reasons I chose to go to <the site I went to is> my area where I'm from has 3 private schools in the area and everyone knows everyone. I'm not a fan of dating within the circle of people, because everyone knows everyone. If it went bad..everyone would know. I'm 28, but everyone knows everyone from the 3 schools and the area. The other problem is, I know a lot of people in my area and news breaks fast if somebody is dating or someone breaks up. It doesn't matter if it's the 3 schools either, it's around the area. Edited July 9, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Thegreatestthing Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Online dating is great for me,but it's always the same thing lately - talk to the guy non stop 24/7 ,meet ,he goes all keen and crazy talking about marriage,where we will live etc like after I've only known them a short time ,three guys now,then few weeks or days later total loss of interest. I think some people have spoke about this on here,but I just want it stop it. Am I contributing to this problem? Are guys on OLD just so excited when they find anyone with a connection they start talking about marriage straight away. Maybe because guys on OLD get so little attention ,they go overboard with everything. 2
Mo_Do Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 40% of online successful relationships, the woman made first contact. My last relationship the man was thrilled I had messaged him, he would have never messaged me, he felt I was out of his league which was a non-sense he was an amazing good looking man, he just didn't know! Sounds about right, but that's still pretty much 50/50 on who messages who first for being a success. Most of my dates are from when the girl messages me first - and those ones are far more anxious. For example I had one hit me up 2-3 days ago, she doesn't like to text, so she's now called me 3 times and I haven't even met her yet. It does feel good when I get a message from a girl that is so hot I never would have messaged her first! I love when that happens
Mo_Do Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Online dating is great for me,but it's always the same thing lately - talk to the guy non stop 24/7 ,meet ,he goes all keen and crazy talking about marriage,where we will live etc like after I've only known them a short time ,three guys now,then few weeks or days later total loss of interest. I think some people have spoke about this on here,but I just want it stop it. Am I contributing to this problem? Are guys on OLD just so excited when they find anyone with a connection they start talking about marriage straight away. Maybe because guys on OLD get so little attention ,they go overboard with everything. Stop the huge 24/7 build-up then. Also, most of these clingers are going to be popping red flags even before you meet, OR you're egging them on to do so. (marriage talk).
PegNosePete Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 This would make sense if people didn't go on an online dating site to DATE! You are specifically there for THAT purpose! You are assuming that the other person is on said ONLINE DATING SITE because they are ready and interested in dating someone as well. That could equally be said about singles bars, or any other medium where people get together. If someone asks you on a date in real life then you expect them to be ready and interested in dating you. Yet the thing you are once again missing out is that the people in that bar are exactly the SAME people who are on the dating site. Being online does not make them any less ready to date! 2
PegNosePete Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Maybe because guys on OLD get so little attention ,they go overboard with everything. Guys with good profiles get a decent response rate. Guys with sucky profiles get little attention so yes they would go a bit crazy clingy to that 1 response a year they actually get. If you are very selective in who you message/respond to then you'll find they are more reliable and more sane. If you're talking to guys whose profiles suck and who send out hundreds of generic messages in the hopes of getting 1 reply, then yes you are contributing to the problem by enabling their methods.
HappyLove Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Online dating is great for me,but it's always the same thing lately - talk to the guy non stop 24/7 ,meet ,he goes all keen and crazy talking about marriage,where we will live etc like after I've only known them a short time ,three guys now,then few weeks or days later total loss of interest. I think some people have spoke about this on here,but I just want it stop it. Am I contributing to this problem? Are guys on OLD just so excited when they find anyone with a connection they start talking about marriage straight away. Maybe because guys on OLD get so little attention ,they go overboard with everything. Men online do this because they know if they ACT super interested they will get the goods then off to the next....wash rinse repeat.
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