BroknHrt Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 She had a mutual break-up with her boyfriend of over a year. I like her, but I haven't told her yet. For people that have read my post on the neighbor girl(this is a diff. girl). I don't want to come on to strong and as of now I am just texting her and being supportive. I'm not giving a lot of advice, just listening. I've invited her out to a baseball game Thursday night that I'm going to with two other people. She wants to come, but doesn't know if she can get out of work. So the question here is, assuming she has to still work on Thursday, what would my next move be? Or should I try to see her before or is that coming on to strong? I've liked this girl for awhile but knew she had been in a relationship.
Smarty Pants Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Don't expect much if she's just coming out of a relationship. If she can get out of work, just go out and have fun and see what happens.
PegNosePete Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 So you're pretending to be a friendly shoulder to cry on and talk to about her feelings, but really you're just using this as a way to get closer to her to start a relationship? Nice...
Author BroknHrt Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 I am NOT PRETENDING to be a friendly shoulder. I AM a friendly shoulder. I just happen to like her and I've liked her since I first met her.
PegNosePete Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Yes you are. You're pretending to be just a friendly shoulder because you want more. If she knew you were using that to get with her, I doubt she'd appreciate it much. Would you show this thread to her?
MoreCoffee Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 If you're willing to be chill, have zero expectations and let her go where she will then ok. It's not predatory to like someone and want them to like you back. If there is even a slight potential of, "I'm doing X so that Y will happen." then it won't be healthy for either of you coming from there.
JungleLover Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Most of the time, the rebound guy just won't win. You mean you want to set yourself up to be the rebound guy?
Author BroknHrt Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 I'm not setting myself up to be anything, I'm not pretending to be anything and I don't have any expectations. What I know is that I liked this girl even when she was in a relationship and now that she is out of it I want to pursue her. What is wrong with that? I'll just take it slow and see what happens.
Author BroknHrt Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Yes you are. You're pretending to be just a friendly shoulder because you want more. If she knew you were using that to get with her, I doubt she'd appreciate it much. Would you show this thread to her? Yes I would, but not until after I told her I liked her. You don't know me so how can you make these accusations after only a few LS responses?
PegNosePete Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 You're right, we don't know you. All responses are based entirely on what you have told us of the situation.
JungleLover Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I'm not setting myself up to be anything, I'm not pretending to be anything and I don't have any expectations.. This, by definition, is rebound. The guy who is like a friend going for the rebound- Hey, I'm on your side. I just wanted you to realize the odd's your're up against. Go in with low expectations. Very low expectations....but, a winning attitude. Good luck.
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Be careful. Being the friendly shoulder who listens make you more like a close female friend & zaps you of all sexuality. If you get the sense that she is over her EX . . . some people mentally check out of a dying relationship before they official end it, you can ask her out but as others have cautioned you could be rebound guy. 1
hasaquestion Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 She had a mutual break-up with her boyfriend of over a year. I like her, but I haven't told her yet. For people that have read my post on the neighbor girl(this is a diff. girl). I don't want to come on to strong and as of now I am just texting her and being supportive. I'm not giving a lot of advice, just listening. I've invited her out to a baseball game Thursday night that I'm going to with two other people. She wants to come, but doesn't know if she can get out of work. So the question here is, assuming she has to still work on Thursday, what would my next move be? Or should I try to see her before or is that coming on to strong? I've liked this girl for awhile but knew she had been in a relationship. Ugh. Your next move should be to dump the pretense of being "supportive". If she wants fun she can come to you. If she wants support she can go to her friends. Do you want to be her girlfriend or her therapist?
preraph Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Honestly, I've been in her shoes, and the guy who shows up immediately after the breakup to let you cry on their shoulder is not the guy who I'm actually going to date. It's too contrived. She's not going to be fit for any relationship for a while. Your very best bet is to completely leave her alone for the next few months and then just call and ask her if she's ready to date yet and ask her on a real date.
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