Supernova007 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Back to 2011 I really loved this girl (I was extremely overweight maybe more than obese) She showed me interest at that time, we were a good friends. She was 20 at that time. (I LOVED HER DEEPLY) and thought of her as my soul-mate. (Until this moment I find it difficult to love any other girl.) I took the next step and told her "I love you" on facebook she didn't answer me for about a weak. With no contact at all. I sent her a message and told her sorry for what I said, she answered immediately and said "no problem". After some time she showed an obvious signs of interests and repeated what happened before. I had the same reaction. Until she called me a creepy fat ass. This went on like that for maybe 9 months. At that moment I tried to make every effort to forget her. And I finally did. 2 weeks ago, she saw me for the first time after my FatToFit program. And said I did a good job and I said "thank you" like nothing happened. After that with maybe 2 hours I got a friend request from her on facebook realizing that she finally unblocked me. I accepted her. She asked me to make a new logo for her company, then she set an appointment in a cafe. I agreed then went at the time. lots of bla bla bla and she said she like me and can't stop thinking of me. and maybe I can be her boyfriend I said to her clearly "We are friends and will never be more than that" I saw a shocking look on her face. And told her lets talk about the logo and tried to ease our conversation. She said she is happy that we are back as friends. then we left the cafe and stopped a taxi for her. At night she didn't stop texting me on facebook asking about the logo, and lots of bla bla bla. the next day she called me and told me that the manager has other plans for the logo and to come to her company to be with him. When I arrived she didn't stop touching my arms and my chest and laughing with me. And many times I tried to avoid her but she didn't. After I finished the job. She called some of my very close female friends, and told them that she loves me and want to bla bla bla my friends don't know anything about the past. And I didn't told them anything. Next I told her that I'm traveling to somewhere and didn't answer her on facebook. I can't even make any activity on facebook. Because she will knew that I'm deliberately avoiding her. I don't know, I have little feelings but the problem is that I can't forget what happened before. In my mind I would thank her for what she did because she made me a better person because without her pain I would never lose that much of weight. Now I weigh about 190 lbs and workout everyday. Before I was 379 lbs. I'm a virgin "until marriage" and never had a real relationship before. And I don't think she is. even I don't think she understand the concept of commitment. If you were me, what would you do ?
Author Supernova007 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 How to in a "nice way" without hurting her feelings?
PegNosePete Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 You care about her feelings after she called you a creepy fat ass? "I don't want to be friends with you any more. Goodbye" 2
waiting4u Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 This is a one-sided crush, not true love. Ditch this girl - plenty of women out there who DESERVE you. She doesn't. I know it's hard, but I think sometimes we need to look at how we've deceived ourselves into imaginary relationships. I'm very idealistic and I've done similar things - this person is the love of my life, etc. when we've never done anything more than talked a lot and kissed maybe once. It's easier to idealize someone than to face the reality of who they really are. 2
Author Supernova007 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 You are a 100% right, but sometimes I think that she was immature at that time, give her another chance, really I don't know what I want :-D
HappyLove Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 You did so great avoiding her for three years, you should have never picked up communications with her. You don't have to be anyone's friend. Look how she dumped you before if you don't want to keep communicating with her then stop communicating. Let her know you're not interested. Good job on the weight loss! She doesn't deserve you after leading you on and hurting you like that. 1
waiting4u Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Best cure for unrequited love - date someone else. Put yourself out there. Spend time with friends and doing the activities you enjoy. Don't give yourself time to think about this b*tch. She's not worth it. 1
HappyLove Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 You are a 100% right, but sometimes I think that she was immature at that time, give her another chance, really I don't know what I want :-D You just said what you want. Clearly you will have to learn the hard way once again that this person is no good. 1
Zahara Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Congratulations on having the fortitude to take such a life changing step. You have to realize the substance you have within you and with that you know you deserve more -- move on, look ahead to all that's waiting out there for you. This is a new you. New life. New experiences. New poeple. New interests. You've made this huge change in your life -- and there is more to come. Why are you looking over your shoulder at some woman that lacked/lacks character and substance by calling someone she claimed as a friend a "creepy fat ass." Leave this one behind. You've got much bigger fish to catch. 6
oldshirt Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 There's some good news and some bad news here. There are some shiny red flags flapping in the wind and some rays of hope. Let's try to break things down a bit here. I do think people are being a little bit harsh on the girl but she does need to bare some accountability for the fat ass comment and some other things. First let's use the analogy of applying for a job. Let's say an applicant walks into a job site and applies for a job that requires licensure in XYZ but that applicant has no where near that kind of qualification. The employer sees some kind of potential in the applicant but simply can't hired that person due to them not meeting the qualifications of the job. Then let's say the applicant saw that the employer saw potential and held on to that as a sign of hope and started to pester the employer with repeated calls and repeated submissions of applications even though they still weren't licensed to perform that job. .....so one day in a fit of frustration and exasperation the employer told off the applicant in a harsh and unprofessional and even inappropriate manner. That pushed the applicant to go to school, study hard, sacrificed their comfort and leisure and earned the required licensure and qualifications for the job. Then one day the former applicant and employer cross paths. The employer can now see that the applicant has completely changed and is now licensed and qualified. They remember that the applicant had potential and now possibly is qualified to be a good performer. .......so they are going to "test" and interview that applicant and give him a probationary period to see if the change is real and if they are going to be able to do the job. The applicant has just cause to be Leary because of the harsh rejection but must also accept that their prior self wasn't qualified and now they are in a different station in life. And more the moral of the story - Looking 200 lbs is a MAJOR life change and huge transformation. People are going to look at you and treat you differently. Maybe they shouldn't, maybe that's wrong. But it is fact. Whether you want to give this chick a second chance or not is up to you. The thing is you have options now where you didn't before. You may like some other chick better. 1
Author Supernova007 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Really I would like to thank you for what you said. Let's say I will give her another chance, and see where things go. Do you think that she will have the thought that I really can't live without her. And I'm a needy person in the future ?!
Author Supernova007 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) Congratulations on having the fortitude to take such a life changing step. You have to realize the substance you have within you and with that you know you deserve more -- move on, look ahead to all that's waiting out there for you. This is a new you. New life. New experiences. New poeple. New interests. You've made this huge change in your life -- and there is more to come. Why are you looking over your shoulder at some woman that lacked/lacks character and substance by calling someone she claimed as a friend a "creepy fat ass." Leave this one behind. You've got much bigger fish to catch. I agree with you and that's what the logic says. Why? ... I don't know why. Edited July 8, 2014 by Supernova007 correction
HappyLove Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Really I would like to thank you for what you said. Let's say I will give her another chance, and see where things go. Do you think that she will have the thought that I really can't live without her. And I'm a needy person in the future ?! "People show you who they are the first time.Believe them." Dr Maya Angelou Well you have only yourself to blame the second time around. Don't pretend you didn't know what she was capable of when her true colors show. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Something tells me that this is not a real thread. 1
Zahara Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I agree with you and that's what the logic says. Why? ... I don't know why. Why? It could be that while you've changed your outlook as to how you look on the exterior, you haven't changed how you view yourself from within. I had to deal with weight issues as well. While I changed how I looked on the outside, inside I still dealt with a lot of insecurities. Feeling less than. You can work on your body and make all those changes but you also have to work on yourself from within because being obese comes with a lot of emotional and mental problems as well. Why would you want to revisit someone that insulted you and made you feel inadequate? Doesn't it even bother you that her interest in you may only be because you look good? How much depth does that hold? She placed no weight and value in factoring who you were as a person then and I find it hard to believe that she's even considering that factor now. 2
oldshirt Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 There's some good news and some bad news here. There are some shiny red flags flapping in the wind and some rays of hope. Let's try to break things down a bit here. I do think people are being a little bit harsh on the girl but she does need to bare some accountability for the fat ass comment and some other things. First let's use the analogy of applying for a job. Let's say an applicant walks into a job site and applies for a job that requires licensure in XYZ but that applicant has no where near that kind of qualification. The employer sees some kind of potential in the applicant but simply can't hired that person due to them not meeting the qualifications of the job. Then let's say the applicant saw that the employer saw potential and held on to that as a sign of hope and started to pester the employer with repeated calls and repeated submissions of applications even though they still weren't licensed to perform that job. .....so one day in a fit of frustration and exasperation the employer told off the applicant in a harsh and unprofessional and even inappropriate manner. That pushed the applicant to go to school, study hard, sacrificed their comfort and leisure and earned the required licensure and qualifications for the job. Then one day the former applicant and employer cross paths. The employer can now see that the applicant has completely changed and is now licensed and qualified. They remember that the applicant had potential and now possibly is qualified to be a good performer. .......so they are going to "test" and interview that applicant and give him a probationary period to see if the change is real and if they are going to be able to do the job. The applicant has just cause to be Leary because of the harsh rejection but must also accept that their prior self wasn't qualified and now they are in a different station in life. And more the moral of the story - Looking 200 lbs is a MAJOR life change and huge transformation. People are going to look at you and treat you differently. Maybe they shouldn't, maybe that's wrong. But it is fact. Whether you want to give this chick a second chance or not is up to you. The thing is you have options now where you didn't before. You may like some other chick better. So let me sum this all up in a nutshell, in her mind (and in her heart and in her Jay-Jay) she saw potential in you but your 400 lb self didn't qualify you as BF material. Your neediness and harassment turned her off and she shoved back by being a dick. Now as a normal, healthy guy she may be thinking you are qualified. However you will also be qualified to be many girls BF now. What you do now is your choice and whether you can like her again now that you've seen the dick side of her. 1
oldshirt Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Really I would like to thank you for what you said. Let's say I will give her another chance, and see where things go. Do you think that she will have the thought that I really can't live without her. And I'm a needy person in the future ?! Yes. She will wonder if you are still that insecure, needy person you were before that will let her walk on you. She will "test" you to see if you are for real or are still an insecure fat guy living in a healthy body. She will see how far she can push you around. If you fail these tests (look up the term "**** test" or "fitness test") she will lose attraction for you again. You will have to be able to stand up for yourself and not let anyone push you around or manipulate you. This is true with any woman whether it's her or anyone else.
oldshirt Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Something tells me that this is not a real thread. Even if it's not, the concept is very real. Many obese people that have lost a ton of weight deal with this issue. It's a very common phase people go through where they are initially excited that people are showing an interest in them but then they go through period of resentment and bitterness that these people that are hot for hem now either treated them crappy or didn't give them the day of day before. Even if this is a troll thread, lots of people are going through this exact same thing. 1
Author Supernova007 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Yes. She will wonder if you are still that insecure, needy person you were before that will let her walk on you. She will "test" you to see if you are for real or are still an insecure fat guy living in a healthy body. She will see how far she can push you around. If you fail these tests (look up the term "**** test" or "fitness test") she will lose attraction for you again. You will have to be able to stand up for yourself and not let anyone push you around or manipulate you. This is true with any woman whether it's her or anyone else. Sadly most of women play games huh, they don't have the concept of yes or no
Author Supernova007 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Something tells me that this is not a real thread. Trust me my dear it's very real.
LovemySons Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I think it would be a good idea for you to at least talk to her about how her comments made you feel. Even if you don't date her, maybe you can forgive her if she apologizes. It would probably bring some measure of healing into your life. Good luck! 2
gaius Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Sounds like she wasn't perfect but neither were you. You told her you loved her when you weren't even dating. That is kind of creepy. =/ She was nice enough to give you validation when you deserved none and put effort into correcting your bad behavior. The least you could do is say thanks by bonking her a few times with that new fit body. 1
Author Supernova007 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I think it would be a good idea for you to at least talk to her about how her comments made you feel. Even if you don't date her, maybe you can forgive her if she apologizes. It would probably bring some measure of healing into your life. Good luck! Thanks for your answer Imagine me and her in someplace, how exactly could I ask her ? If you were me, how would you bring up this tread ? Once again thank you
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