After a row during the weekend, he wants some space (what does it mean)

[HelloYoga]

*Pre-information*: I'm 19 and he is 22. We've been in a long-distance relationship for six months and talk everyday for an hour. He is from the States and I'm from Ireland. Our chemistry is amazing. We laugh a lot and talk about the most stupidest things. We're planning to meet in November. This is his first relationship, before he just hooked up with people. He is a very honest and loyal person. I've witnessed this many times.

 

Anyway...

 

During the weekend, we had a huge argument. Previous to Skyping him later that night, I discovered he joined a Swingers group on Facebook. The group's intention was to meet up for movies, go bowling or make friends. Before we met, he moved from New York to Atlanta due to ongoing family issues. He dropped out of college and had to leave all his friends behind. Just last month, he moved into his own apartment after staying with a relative. Since moving to the South, he told me he feels lonely. He is currently looking for a room mate to try and cut costs.

 

Anway, discovering that he joined the group, I felt very disturbed when I checked out the person who created the group. I went onto his page and it was littered with pictures of Bondage activities.

 

Little info - My boyfriend has a thing for Bondage, I've known this before we got together as a couple. It freaks me out and he knows how it makes me feel. He hasn't had sex since last year. I've told him I wouldn't take part in any of those degrading acts. Sex for me is about love making and I find it disturbing that he likes this stuff. But, I guess I have to accept him for his flaws. He has never tried to change my mind on it. That is just a part of him.

 

Shocked and angered at what I came upon, I sent him a cryptic text saying, "oh my god, I cannot believe you :O"

 

I had a few glasses of wine earlier that night. I felt hurt and embarrassed for myself. I kept thinking I would never be sexually enough for him, that he would seek it out with someone else. Fast forward an hour later, he called me on Skype. He was just in from work. All happy to talk. I on the other hand - tired and filled with more alcohol - was enraged. He asked if there was anything wrong and I responded in a bitchy tone, "I think you know what's going on". I wish I could bitch slap myself for assuming he is a mind reader. He frowned so I sent him the link to the Facebook group. He went "oh, that".

 

Out of nowhere, I said "I can't do this anymore. Let's just be friends. I'm serious". His eyes widened with anger. What I said in the heat of the moment was childish and I didn't mean one word of it. He hung up on me. I called him back and said I sorry for what I truly didn't mean. He explained to me the reason why he got upset. He hated the thought that I could easily drop what we had just like that. I understood him completely. We ended the call with the promise of talking the next day.

 

The next day, we talked and he revealed that he doesn't know were he is with "us" currently. I apologized for my immature behavior and started crying. He told me it was good that I was sobbing. It hurt when he said that. He went on to say he could easily get over me. That burned like a bitch. Weird, how he said that and I didn't make a huge thing of it, but when I did it **** hit the fan. He told me to read the 4 agreements. I downloaded the eBook and read it that night. Last night, we talked and I told him that I made a list of things I need to change about myself and that I had nearly finished the eBook. He seemed very disinterested and said he needs some space. I asked if he was still my boyfriend and he replied "of course".

 

I brought up the word break, asking if this was him wanting one. He said no, "I just need some space to figure myself out". I asked if he was going to break-up with me. He said no. He went on to say "I'm angry at you for what you said. I only joined that group to meet some people in the area. I've been lonely ever since I moved here. But, you probably thought I was going to have sex".

 

I said no and told him that I didn't realize how he was coping until he finally told me. I asked how long he need space for because he didn't give me a time limit. Instead I offered him 1 - 2 weeks. I told him to get in contact with me when is calm and ready to talk. He agreed and we ended the call.

 

I'm anxious about us. He said he still likes me (we both have agreed not use the word love until we met in person) and isn't breaking-up with me. He just needs some space to think. What I said was in the heat of the moment, I felt hurt about the group and subconsciously went out to hurt him without even knowing it. It's strange because we've always been bubbly and goofy and the atmosphere during the calls after the fight have been very bleak.

 

Any advice or words of wisdom?

 

Thanks for any help or guidance you provided.

Edited July 8, 2014 by HelloYoga

[d0nnivain]

Have you ever met IRL? If this is OL only & you have no concrete plans to close the distance soon, what exactly are you hanging on to?

[Zahara]

Who joins a Swingers group to make friends?

 

"He is a very honest and loyal person. I've witnessed this many times." How do you know this when you have never met him?

[HelloYoga]

Have you ever met IRL? If this is OL only & you have no concrete plans to close the distance soon, what exactly are you hanging on to?

 

Our plan is to meet in November for a 1 week and then if all goes well I'm thinking of applying to colleges as a foreign exchange student.

[HelloYoga]

Who joins a Swingers group to make friends?

 

"He is a very honest and loyal person. I've witnessed this many times." How do you know this when you have never met him?

 

He deleted his online dating profile, told me when people were hitting him up and you know when someone is just 100% truthful.