Thegreatestthing Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Ok I know I shouldn't be reading "the rules" but I am and I want to know how much contact I should have with a guy ,I like to be ompletely carefree about these things but I know too much contact can make you too available. I met this great guy online days and days ago but we only started talking In depth today, from this morning till now non stop and I feel like that is excessive I should say I'm busy or something and he'll like me more. But at the same time I love those romantic films like before sunrise where they talk all day and night about everything in the world so I'm kind of confused about it all. Might need to put this into" the search for" area
Author Thegreatestthing Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) Ok wish I read this a bit earlier because we were having a great talk and because of the rules I said well goodnight. and he just kept saying I'm not sleepy ,I don't want to sleep and I just ignored the messages and then said well goodnight and now he actually went and I wish I just talked to him. I think it is bad to be too available,from the day you met you talked all the time? Edited July 8, 2014 by Thegreatestthing
PegNosePete Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 "The rules" are about getting laid. Is that what you're talking about here, or are you looking for a proper relationship? If you have the right partner then there is no such thing as too much contact. Well not at first anyway. Once you are a long-term couple it is good to have an evening or two apart each week for some space. But at first if the person is right for you, you should want to spend 24/7 with them. JMO. 1
irc333 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 You're a woman....so it shouldn't matter..hell, men are happy when women even bother calling. LOL Ok I know I shouldn't be reading "the rules" but I am and I want to know how much contact I should have with a guy ,I like to be ompletely carefree about these things but I know too much contact can make you too available. I met this great guy online days and days ago but we only started talking In depth today, from this morning till now non stop and I feel like that is excessive I should say I'm busy or something and he'll like me more. But at the same time I love those romantic films like before sunrise where they talk all day and night about everything in the world so I'm kind of confused about it all. Might need to put this into" the search for" area
Smilecharmer Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 We talked every moment we could and we are happily married now. When you are really into someone you want to be with them as much as real life will allow. I never went by rules, I trusted my instinct. You don't run off guys who really are into you, just the ones who aren't. 1
SummerDreams Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 A few years earlier I would tell you "do what you feel, if you want to be available 24/7 then do that". At this time of my life and on my age I admit I'm a little confused about this matter. With my bf at first we would spend every available hour together, we would sleep a little and we would enjoy that. When time started passing he started asking a couple of days on weekdays to stay at home and do some things like play, go out with friends or just relax. When we started living together I had the hope that now that we live in the same house we will still be together all the time and we won't have the trouble of transportation to meet. Well that was a huge mistake I made. I wanted to be with him but I wanted my alone time as well, and so did he. Now, after 4+ years, we know for sure that we are firstly individuals and secondly parts of a couple. We know that we have to have both some personal and some common shared interests. This is what living together (and later marriage) is: walk next to each other, each having an individual happy life and meet in the meantime. The sooner I realize and accept that, the sooner I'll quit feeling sad that my dreams for "being together all the time" have already failed. Not cause I'm not good enough or something but cause that's what people do. I think I have confused you by now.
waiting4u Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Well, people aren't going to like this, but honestly there's a lot of useful advice in that book. You of course have to take it all with a grain of salt, but what The Rules do provide for women is a way to pace the early stages of the relationship in such a way that we don't come across as too needy / clingy (acknowledging that men and women have different communication styles, men often being less communicative and so forth). It also encourages women to establish healthy boundaries, which are SO important. At some point, you do have to go with your gut. But talking all day at first and spending every day with a guy - texting him all the time, etc - is a good way to start something that's going to burn bright but fizzle out quickly. By the way, you aren't supposed to tell men about them - just saying. Now I throw myself to the wolves on this one . . . 2
MalachiX Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Do you want to play games or do you want a relationship? While I agree it's OK to pace yourself and work your way into a relationship, I don't think making yourself unavailable when you'd like to be talking with someone is a good idea. I also think things are different when you've yet to meet someone but are talking online or via text. This can be a nice way to start to establish a repoire with another person. In real life, we often ask out people we know and are familiar with. People online are strangers. My first dates with most people I met online tend to be brief and low pressure because we don't really know each other. Detailed contact before you meet is a nice way to get to know someone before that first date and "catch up." It can often come in handy because so many people are willing to dismiss someone based on a first impression. My first date with my current GF didn't turn out great. I had pulled an all-nighter the previous night and was out of it. I wasn't feeling much of a connection. I asked her out again because I remembered how much we seemed to click in our messages. The second date proved much better and we stayed up all night talking. Sometimes having a foundation of communication BEFORE you meet can help you through little stumbles when you first start to date. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I am a woman & I'd be running for the hills if a new person wanted to talk to me 24/7. One long in-depth conversation where you lose track of time, great. Just because technology allows constant contact I would be screaming at somebody to back the F off if they expected that much togetherness -- ever. I probably text my husband only 2-3 times per week, usually on Fridays to find out where we're going on our "date"
Keenly Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I am a woman & I'd be running for the hills if a new person wanted to talk to me 24/7. One long in-depth conversation where you lose track of time, great. Just because technology allows constant contact I would be screaming at somebody to back the F off if they expected that much togetherness -- ever. I probably text my husband only 2-3 times per week, usually on Fridays to find out where we're going on our "date" Completely different circumstances. those are two different stages of a relationship AND you live together, so you see each other every day. 1
Author Thegreatestthing Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Well I definitely don't reccomend the rules now,everything was going great lots of weird coincidences and great talk and I decided to stop all talking and now it was still pretty good today but not the same I think the rules only spark some extra interest but then you would have to keep doing that all the time and it's just confusing and dishonest. Anyway I wish I never stopped our great conversation last night because of some book.
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Completely different circumstances. those are two different stages of a relationship AND you live together, so you see each other every day. Even before living together, it would take while before I could tolerate even 1 phone call per day. I need a lot of space. I had one guy I dated text me every morning. After about a week I sat him down & said as nicely as I could "it's nice that you send me a good morning or have a nice day every morning but honestly it's making me crazy. Can you please dial it back?" His teasing response was "what if I can't or don't want to?" I replied, "then I'm outta here because you are freaking smothering me & I am trying to nicely tell you to back off before I bite your head off about it." Despite my misgivings about a lot of contact in the beginning, the best approach is to find the level both parties are comfortable with.
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