joie_de_vivre Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Hi everyone This is my first post, so I apologize if I'm posting in the wrong place! Recently I began to really like a guy that works at a restaurant I like. He's incredibly kind and caring, but he's not a waiter. He doesn't get tips--that's just the kind of person that he is. He's not conventionally attractive, and before I began to like him, I almost found him unattractive. But now I find him incredibly sexy, and I've begun to overwhelmingly like and care about him. I only recently found out that he was in a relationship. I'm not totally sure what to do now. I very, very rarely care about someone (romantically) as much as I do about him. I would never, and I mean NEVER, act on my feelings for him--if I did, I would have absolutely no respect for myself; that's something I'd never consider. But what I do want to know is how you guys think I should proceed next. Do I try to be his friend? I really want him in my life. I don't care if it's as a friend; I would feel very privileged to be his friend. But is that an acceptable thing to do? I don't know how serious his relationship is other than knowing that they're not considering marriage. Is it okay to hope that someday, when they break up (if they break up), I could be with him? Or is it ****ed-up and self-destructive to harbor hopes like that? What do you all think? No matter what, I do not want to lose him as a friend. Any advice or comments are very appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Unless you want to be a "home wrecker" you enjoy the fantasy but you remain at least arm's length away from him & you keep your mouth shut about your desires. If you later find out his relationship ended, ask him out. 1
Targetlock Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 yep stay away, probably isn't worth the trouble it could cause to them or yourself. 1
MissBee Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 If you like him this much I don't suggest you fool yourself and try to be "friends." Also...do you work at this restaurant too or do you just go there to eat? If you don't work there how is it possible that you know him that well just from visiting the restaurant? I don't think you should do anything next. I think you should maintain a friendly but distant relationship and if you ever hear they break up you can make your move. 2
Author joie_de_vivre Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) Yeah, you're probably right... I guess it would be playing with fire. I've gone to the place for months, and on his breaks he'll join us at our table for 30 min and talk. I wouldn't say I know him very well, but I do know him some. Thanks for your response. I appreciate the advice. Edited July 10, 2014 by joie_de_vivre
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