michellew Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 So I have a friend who is always complaining about her relationship and boyfriend's behavior. However, from what she tell me and how well I know her, I can tell SHE is the problem, not him. She nags, complains, and nothing he does is ever good enough. She basically acts like his mother and is very needy. I am tired of sugar coating things and siding with her to make her feel better, but I know if I tell her the truth, she will try to rationalize her behavior and disagree with my point of view. I try to give her advice, but she just ignores it. Quite frankly, I'm sick of hearing about him (and every other guy she dates...always the same problems, different guy). How do I tell her she's the problem without ruining our friendship or hurting her feelings?
jay1983 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 There's no PC way to do this and I'm guessing you can't avoid her. If you tell her, she'll probably respond exactly how you described and/or defriend you. Sometimes it's best to just cut these people out of your life. I know I made it sound real simple, but I learned this at age 25. 1
preraph Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 You have to make her see that becoming his mother will destroy any romance. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 MichelleW but for the fact that we live on opposite sides of the country from reading your post I thought we were friends with the same woman. You have to do this very gently & she still won't see it. My friend didn't. When she complains, twist it around. Get her to acknowledge that if she did/ didn't do the stuff she's complaining about regarding her BF, she'd be twice as mad. My friend has the bad habit of expecting her new BF to act like a member of her family & do all the things her BIL does for the family. She forgets that 25 years ago before he married her sister, the BIL didn't do those things either. Anyway, the last time she was complaining about the last guy not doing whatever for her parents, I asked her how she'd feel if her BF expected her to drop what she was doing & take his mother to the doctor or grocery shopping. She went on a tirade about how she's a busy woman, and no one's chauffer. I then pointed out she was mad at her BF for not doing those kinds of things for her. She responded by saying he was required to "prove" his love for her. I gave up. 1
pink_sugar Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 You don't. You already said how you felt and it's time to spend less time with her if it's bothering you and let her realize the consequences of her behavior. 2
Author michellew Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 You don't. You already said how you felt and it's time to spend less time with her if it's bothering you and let her realize the consequences of her behavior. But she will NEVER realize the consequences, that's the problem! lol I think I'm just going to try to be gently honest with her and if it pisses her off, I really don't need a friend like that anyway, right? :/ 2
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