Eddy Street Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) I was sitting on a bridge in the woods this afternoon. Suddenly, I heard someone coming, so I turned to look and saw a young woman (maybe 3 years my junior) walking with her dog. Without much hesitation, she called out to me: hey, do you like dogs at all? Seeing that she was smoking a cigarette, I pretended not to hear her, gathered my belongings and started to walk away. In the meantime, she said something about the dog wanting to lick me or something. Then the dog walked past me. I decided to talk to it, saying: hey buddy, where are you going? And it just walked past me, as if I wasn't there. I heard her giggle in the background, so I turned around and said: he's completely oblivious to me To this she replied: that's why I said, he'll either come and lick you or ignore you I laughed and walked away. But, she was sort of attractive, so I thought, how could I have turned that into a conversation? Let's say I didn't walk away and decided to respond to her last comment, what could I have said? Given that I have zero experience talking to the opposite sex, I have no idea what would be appropriate. Is there even a circumstance where a reply would be appropriate? Edited July 8, 2014 by Eddy Street
torturedartist Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) I was sitting on a bridge in the woods this afternoon. Suddenly, I heard someone coming, so I turned to look and saw a young woman (maybe 3 years my junior) walking with her dog. Without much hesitation, she called out to me: hey, do you like dogs at all? Seeing that she was smoking a cigarette, I pretended not to hear her, gathered my belongings and started to walk away. In the meantime, she said something about the dog wanting to lick me or something. Then the dog walked past me. I decided to talk to it, saying: hey buddy, where are you going? And it just walked past me, as if I wasn't there. I heard her giggle in the background, so I turned around and said: he's completely oblivious to me To this she replied: that's why I said, he'll either come and lick you or ignore you I laughed and walked away. But, she was sort of attractive, so I thought, how could I have turned that into a conversation? Let's say I didn't walk away and decided to respond to her last comment, what could I have said? Given that I have zero experience talking to the opposite sex, I have no idea what would be appropriate. Is there even a circumstance where a reply would be appropriate? I suggest re-working your narrative... So there I was, sitting on a bridge in the middle of a dark, terrible forest. Eating my Gogurt, pondering the meaning of life. Suddenly a leaf crunched!!! It was a girl, 3 years younger than me (although I didn't take a DNA sample and cross-reference it with the records in the NSA database I'd hacked into earlier in the morning.) She had a dog! Its teeth were fearsome and stained from the blood of its last victim. It lunged at me, but I easily dodged it, and rather than snap its neck and thus ruin any chances I might have with its beautiful, cigarette-puffing, lung-cancer-inducing owner, I spoke to it. "Dog," I said. "If you stop trying to kill me, I'll buy you a pack of Pupperoni." "I'm listening," Dog said. "But here's the deal," I replied. "You pretend that you're intimidated by my manliness. You walk on, and don't give me another look--and keep your tail between your legs." "A whole pack of Pupperoni?" Dog asked. "A whole pack," I answered. Dog walked past me, foolishly believing I'd make a special trip to Petco to buy him a pack of Pupperoni, all so I could talk to the Marlboro Woman, holding his leash. I looked her deep her in beautiful blues, and was ready to drop a line that would surely win her heart, when she coughed, right into my face! I nearly gagged at the smell of her tobacco breath. I turned my head to the side and inhaled a lung-full of semi-fresh urban air, and I watched her walk away, thankful I wouldn't be losing my virginity to a smoker... After she was gone, it occurred to me that I could have bought her a tin of mints that would mask the smell of her cigarette-smoking breath for the five seconds it would take for me to lose my virginity. Then I went online, and asked for advice as to how I might do things differently in the future. I got some answers, but none that I would consider to be very helpful. Edited July 10, 2014 by torturedartist 1
littleplanet Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 yup, because she was smoking. End of story. (for you)
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