crzybeautifl88 Posted February 19, 2005 Posted February 19, 2005 [color=green][/color] I have a sort of awkward situation at hand. First off I would like to mention that after having my heart broken years ago, I have developed defense mechanisms to keep from feeling that way again. Mostly i've forgotten how to forgive, and once I feel crossed by even the smallest lie or detail I shut down, go numb and poceed to pull away. I'm pregnant, the biological father wants nothing to do with the child. Imagine my relief when the guy I started seeing told me he wanted to be there for me and my boy,[ after months of dating}. This guy is so amazing. I've never been treated so good in my life. We have had arguments, like any normal couple, but never a fight. Through all my hormones he's never once lost patience. The only prob. I found was that he dosen't like to talk about his past, but only his past with females. I understand that the past is the past and that he dosen't have to tell me anything. I'm the type of girl that asks looooots of annoying questions. Such as, how many people have you said I love you to, am I the only pregnant girl you've been with..................... Last night a girl im'd him [we share the same account]. I wrote what I always write, ''this isn't shane but i'll tell him you wrote''. She then asked who I was and asked if I was his girlfriend, I know I shouldn't have answered, I know I should have exited out but I didn't. This was my chance to learn more. To shorten this up he had broken her heart. Told her things to make her fall for him and had dated her while she was pregnant, he had told her he wanted to be there for her and her daughter. Throughout her story I pieced together obvious lies he had told me. Later I was talking to him and I asked questions I had asked before, then I mentioned how if I were to have a girl that I would name her Alayna[ the name of the mystery girl's daughter] I asked if he had heard that name before and he said no. Right then I told him I had talked to that girl, of course he was angry. Anyhoo some of the things she had said he denied. Others he admitted to. Mostly just small lies. It's just I can't seem to think of them as just small lies. In my mind, he lied period. I know that if I wouldn't have ever talked to her none of it would amount to anything. but I did and now I have this strong urge to walk away. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. He just acted that those lies were no big deal, he kept asking and saying none of it should matter. He denied ever telling her he wanted to be there for her baby, and said they only dated for 2 weeks. She didn't matter, i didn't even like her he said. An yet he slept with her and called her everyday in the hospital. grrr! What if I dn't really matter? I'm due monday feb 21st, do I really want him in my baby's life? I just can't seem to shake this feeling. I don't know what to really think. Am I being irrational? Do I have any right to be upset? please help! even if all you tell me is to get over it. I hate being this confused.
CaGirl1980 Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Well I don't know the whole situation, or what this guy is really like, but I know that for my self I cannot stand people who lie. I was raised in a very honest and open family and I've always been raised to know that lying just isn't what works in relationships. I don't know how emotionally vested you are in this guy, or vice versa but I would at least let it be known how you feel. I recently found out that my husband had been lying to me about his porn habits and I just felt so betrayed and hurt. This was almost 2 months ago now, but a lot has changed, and he knows now that I will not tolerate even the smallest lies. I had to tell him straight forward that I will not tolerate it and I meant it. So I think that if you tell him how you feel and really mean it, things will work out one way or another. At least then you'll know a little better what to do. The thing that matters most is whether or not you think the lies are a big deal. If they are to you then that's all that matters because you're the one that will have to deal with it. Good luck, and also good luck with the new baby! Congratulations!
Recommended Posts