Georgia2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I met my ex fiancée 4 months ago. After dating a month we moved in together. Two months later we became engaged. Two months later we had a mutual breakup. The breakup was really nasty. It was two weeks ago we broke up. Is it normal for me to still care about him even after he hurt me so badly? I would never get back together with him. To find out if it is him I miss or if it is being in a relationship I missed I asked myself would I be ok with never seeing or hearing from him again. I found myself answering yes I would be fine with never hearing or seeing from him again. So if I am fine with not hearing from him or seeing him why does it still hurt?
Diezel Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 How about you slow down next time? You had 4 years worth of relationship in 4 months. And yes, it's normal. 1
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 How about you slow down next time? You had 4 years worth of relationship in 4 months. And yes, it's normal. That was rather rude saying why don't you slow down. We went at the pace that was comfortable for us. 1
jinjin113 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Break ups are always hard. My boyfriend wanted to break up three weeks ago. We ended up not breaking up, but our relationship is different now for sure. It feels like it's always teetering on the verge of break up. Anyway, the reason I didn't want to break up with him is that I love him and can't stand to think that I wouldn't ever talk to him or see him ever again (that's what a break up is after all). He wanted to break up because we live far apart from each other. He said he still loved me though and when I asked him if he was ok with never seeing me or talking to me again, he said no. That's what ultimately led us to stay together. So, I guess I'm saying, I understand how you feel. I don't know why you guys broke up, but it's always a such a hard situation because dating is all or nothing. Either you're with that person and they're you're everything, or you break up and never see each other again. Although some people stay friends with their exes, that has never been a good idea to me though. So, to me, I think that you are ok with not seeing him or speaking to him ever again is a good sign that the break up is the right thing. However, I think it's natural to feel like you miss or still care about someone who was such a big part of your life.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Break ups are always hard. My boyfriend wanted to break up three weeks ago. We ended up not breaking up, but our relationship is different now for sure. It feels like it's always teetering on the verge of break up. Anyway, the reason I didn't want to break up with him is that I love him and can't stand to think that I wouldn't ever talk to him or see him ever again (that's what a break up is after all). He wanted to break up because we live far apart from each other. He said he still loved me though and when I asked him if he was ok with never seeing me or talking to me again, he said no. That's what ultimately led us to stay together. So, I guess I'm saying, I understand how you feel. I don't know why you guys broke up, but it's always a such a hard situation because dating is all or nothing. Either you're with that person and they're you're everything, or you break up and never see each other again. Although some people stay friends with their exes, that has never been a good idea to me though. So, to me, I think that you are ok with not seeing him or speaking to him ever again is a good sign that the break up is the right thing. However, I think it's natural to feel like you miss or still care about someone who was such a big part of your life. Thank you. Your post made me feel better. You are right it was good that the breakup happened now rather than after we got married. I would have rather found out sooner than later we were not meant for each other.
jinjin113 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 (edited) I'm glad it made you feel better. Maybe this will help too. I was married to someone for 6 years. We divorced about 2 years ago. We first met in January 2006 and by April of that year (after 4 months), we were engaged. Up until shortly after the engagement, things felt right. So, yes, I think each couple moves at a pace that is comfortable for them. Some just automatically judge something that moves fast. However, after the engagement, when things started feeling wrong, I didn't break things off. I wasted 6 years of my life and 6 years of my ex's life because I could not do something I know I should have done earlier. Anyway, so I'm just saying that if you don't feel it's right, I'm glad you ended it instead of making my mistake. A fast engagement didn't work out for you or me, but I know couples where it has worked. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that some of the people who post on the boards here have ever really been in a relationship. Each one is so different, and each one is complicated and full of emotion (happy ones and heart breaking ones). No one purposefully makes bad decisions when it comes to love. Even in the 6 years I was with my ex husband, I tried to make it work and we did have happy times. I can look back now though and see that I should have gone with my gut feeling and listen to those doubts I had (it was more than doubts really, I actually wanted to break up, but was afraid to do so). I don't see how judgment or trying to make someone feel bad helps anything. Edited July 7, 2014 by jinjin113
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 It hurts because you are disappointed. You had something built up in your mind & the fact that it will not happen is sad. The fact that you would be happy never seeing him again, tells me this was all too fast, too intense & too . . . I don't want to say "fake" because that's hurtful but really, you were on a celebrity time line & we all know how well those marriages work out.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) As most of you know I had to have some legal papers updated at my ex's work. Since he wouldn't have been able to update my information he had me go to another counter. We didn't speak. I know he had to see us. I know it is for the best we aren't together due to how he treated me the day of the breakup and the day after the breakup. I tried not to look at him. I was busy texting a guy friend who knows what I was going through today. We have been friends over a year. So it helped talking to my friend. Even though I could not stand hearing my ex's voice and hated being in the same room as him why do I have the urge to contact him? It made me sick having to hear his voice. In case your wondering it's not out of loneliness I want to contact him since I am all ready talking to a great new guy. I know the new guy I am talking to would be a better boyfriend. Edited July 9, 2014 by Georgia2014
shoegal4 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Girlie you answered your own question. If you are already dating/talking to a new guy you claim will treat you better than your ex why are you tempted to contact the ex? You would be putting yourself in a position to either 1. Be ignored 2. Have the new guy find out 3. Have absolutely nothing show from it. Do yourself a favor and put down the phone. If he wanted to reach out....he would.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Girlie you answered your own question. If you are already dating/talking to a new guy you claim will treat you better than your ex why are you tempted to contact the ex? You would be putting yourself in a position to either 1. Be ignored 2. Have the new guy find out 3. Have absolutely nothing show from it. Do yourself a favor and put down the phone. If he wanted to reach out....he would. Thank you. I just needed someone to tell me not to do it.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 My ex and I had a nasty breakup. So I wouldn't feel guilty I did apologize to him for the mean things I said. He said he accepted my apology. How come he didn't apologize for the bad things he said and did during the break up? He knows that he hurt me as well. I just don't understand why doesn't seem to feel any guilt at all. Has anyone else had this happen to them?
Smarty Pants Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 My ex and I had a nasty breakup. So I wouldn't feel guilty I did apologize to him for the mean things I said. He said he accepted my apology. How come he didn't apologize for the bad things he said and did during the break up? He knows that he hurt me as well. I just don't understand why doesn't seem to feel any guilt at all. Has anyone else had this happen to them? Because he doesn't care right now. 1
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I agree. Right now, he feels he's in the right. You just need to move on and not expect an apology from him.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I agree. Right now, he feels he's in the right. You just need to move on and not expect an apology from him. Even if I never get an apology do you think he will ever acknowledge to himself that he did some things wrong too during the breakup?
Moonborn Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Even if I never get an apology do you think he will ever acknowledge to himself that he did some things wrong too during the breakup? Why is this important for you?
shoegal4 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 He may. He may not. Not a concern you should be having right now. If he doesn't, he's a loser who isn't worth your time and if he ever eventually does, relish in the fact that you got the apology. Although by the time he comes around, you most likely won't even care.
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Even if I never get an apology do you think he will ever acknowledge to himself that he did some things wrong too during the breakup? You know him and I don't. If he's a self absorbed asshat; then, no I wouldn't expect one. If he's not, things are still a bit raw and he may be holding onto that grudge a little tighter than you are.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Why is this important for you? It's important because he claimed he loved me every day for months. He promised he would never treat me like my ex husband and my ex boyfriend did. He turned out to be worse than both of them. I just feel like I deserve an apology.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 You know him and I don't. If he's a self absorbed asshat; then, no I wouldn't expect one. If he's not, things are still a bit raw and he may be holding onto that grudge a little tighter than you are. That is a good point about him holding onto a grudge more tightly than I am. I usually find it very easy to forgive someone.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 He may. He may not. Not a concern you should be having right now. If he doesn't, he's a loser who isn't worth your time and if he ever eventually does, relish in the fact that you got the apology. Although by the time he comes around, you most likely won't even care. I do agree with you about him being a loser and not worth my time.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I had to go to my ex's work to update legal papers. We did not speak. Why is it even though we didn't speak it hurts more now than it did a few days ago. While I was there I hated having to see him and I hated seeing him. It repulsed me having to see and hear him. The thing is I do not want him back.
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Good for you for dealing with the paperwork. I remember when you posted about being nervous about having to go. When you see them again you remember the good times more than the bad & you miss that.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 Good for you for dealing with the paperwork. I remember when you posted about being nervous about having to go. When you see them again you remember the good times more than the bad & you miss that. You are right I was thinking more of the good times. The only thing helping me from not contacting him is remembering how badly he treated me during the breakup.
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 I know it's normal to have an I hate my ex stage after a breakup. Can anyone please give me any tips on how to get past this stage?
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 My ex fiancée is still Facebook friends with my dad and mom. A few days ago my mom said he put pictures of him with his best friend and my ex was smiling in the pictures. The only posts he made on Facebook this year was about me. Now suddenly he is adding these pictures. I don't look at his Facebook page even though he has it set to where anyone can look at it. My mom volunteered the information. She herself said that pictures can lie. Even though he's smiling he could be unhappy on the inside. Does anyone else think he put those pictures up to try and hurt me?
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