Shields boy Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Hey guys, Just wanted to get something off my chest and I feel this is the best place for it. Maybe a lesson to some readers. I was with my ex for 9 years from the age of 15. She was my childhood sweetheart. I loved her dearly but always thought that it was to much to young. The last couple of years were rough and we were always arguing. I was offered the chance to go to university in another country and that is why I walked away in the end and left her behind, even though I loved her to bits. I stupidly thought at the end I would come back and marry her when I was finished. When I left, she was obviously heartbroken. We had no contact for 5 months, until I came home for Xmas. I sent her a txt wishing her happy birthday. The reply I received changed my life in dramatic fashion. "I'm with my boyfriend now and I love him. All the best for the future" Boom, I remember the dagger to the heart to my chest I received when I seen that. I then proceed to have a nervous breakdown over her. Some of the things she texted me when I was pestering her were pure evil. The following 2 years she ended up engaged and getting pregnant to the guy. Hearing these things did not help my recovery and I have never beat myself up so much. I was sure that despite all this that she did still love me. It's strange that I only really got over it when she had her baby. That's when I realised I had to let go. I was doing well with my studies as well, so that helped. 6 months after she had her baby, I hear the news that she split up with the father before the birth. I could not believe it. I just knew she would get in touch. When she did, I made the mistake of talking to her. I told her I did not want anything to do with her. She pestered me for 2 years trying to get back with me. I denied her every time. So after 6 years studying, I came home. Changed my phone number and de-activated my Facebook account so that she could not contact me. Also so I could not contact her because despite all this, I still loved her. I kept telling myself that I have moved on, even though I still thought of her lots. After 7 months home I ran into her at a bar. I fell in love again, but quickly made excuses and left. I made the mistake of txt in her the next day for not talking to her. We texted all day but I held back my true feelings. She was single and so was I. I could not get her off my mind for the next 2 months and proceeded to make a huge mistake. I texted her my feelings and that I would like to get back with her. The reply: "I'm in a new relationship now, moved on ages ago" and she then blocked me. Boom another dagger to the heart and I did not sleep or eat for 2 weeks. I then sent her an apology and a poem on Facebook. She just blocked me. 2 weeks have passed and I am going through all this heartbreak and trauma that I worked so hard to overcome during these last 5 1/2 years. Who knows she may get in touch soon? but I doubt it. I should also mention that I have been single since I left her. Suppose the lesson is that never walk away from someone you love. Also, never ever initiate contact with them if you have been to hell and back to get over them in the first place. I did and I'm back to square one.
AnyaNova Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 <snip> We had no contact for 5 months, until I came home for Xmas. I sent her a txt wishing her happy birthday. The reply I received changed my life in dramatic fashion. "I'm with my boyfriend now and I love him. All the best for the future" Boom, I remember the dagger to the heart to my chest I received when I seen that. I then proceed to have a nervous breakdown over her. Some of the things she texted me when I was pestering her were pure evil. The following 2 years she ended up engaged and getting pregnant to the guy. Hearing these things did not help my recovery and I have never beat myself up so much. I was sure that despite all this that she did still love me. It's strange that I only really got over it when she had her baby. That's when I realised I had to let go. I was doing well with my studies as well, so that helped. 6 months after she had her baby, I hear the news that she split up with the father before the birth. I could not believe it. I just knew she would get in touch. When she did, I made the mistake of talking to her. I told her I did not want anything to do with her. She pestered me for 2 years trying to get back with me. I denied her every time. So after 6 years studying, I came home. Changed my phone number and de-activated my Facebook account so that she could not contact me. Also so I could not contact her because despite all this, I still loved her. I kept telling myself that I have moved on, even though I still thought of her lots. After 7 months home I ran into her at a bar. I fell in love again, but quickly made excuses and left. I made the mistake of txt in her the next day for not talking to her. We texted all day but I held back my true feelings. She was single and so was I. I could not get her off my mind for the next 2 months and proceeded to make a huge mistake. I texted her my feelings and that I would like to get back with her. The reply: "I'm in a new relationship now, moved on ages ago" and she then blocked me. Boom another dagger to the heart and I did not sleep or eat for 2 weeks. I then sent her an apology and a poem on Facebook. She just blocked me. 2 weeks have passed and I am going through all this heartbreak and trauma that I worked so hard to overcome during these last 5 1/2 years. Who knows she may get in touch soon? but I doubt it. I should also mention that I have been single since I left her. Suppose the lesson is that never walk away from someone you love. Also, never ever initiate contact with them if you have been to hell and back to get over them in the first place. I did and I'm back to square one. I'm sorry that you are hurting. I do strongly advise going NC completely to help you heal. Clearly, she is not interested in getting back together with you and is still wounded. In most cases, first loves aren't only loves. Take some time to heal from your last encounter with her and then date some other women. I am sorry you are hurting. Rejection is one of the most painful experiences out there.
Author Shields boy Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 AnyaNova: Thanks for the advice. Yeah NC is for the best. I have no choice because she has blocked all means for me to contact her. Rejection is very painful but for me the biggest pain is my regrets. The biggest one being walking away from her in the first place. I also had a 3 year window to get back with her after she had her baby. Unfortunately I was too bitter and angry and found it difficult to accept what had happened. I have not dated any one else in my life and it's a scary thought. I suppose after I had a nervous breakdown over her, I have not let anyone near me. I think I best get fit, eat well and recover before putting myself out there. This is a great site and wish I had discovered it years ago.
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