Jason808 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Okay, so me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago, I was her first and she was mine. I'm on NC now for 3 days and it's is absolutely killing me.. Everything in my body tells me to step up and fight for whatever is left, but I've tried it before and she doesn't think there is anything we can do. I know I will hurt myself breaking NC, but I still hope to get her back and i'm absolutely not thinking about recovering, it's bad that getting her back is the first thing on my mind since I know it will probably not happen.. but I can't help myself. What is no contact like for the dumper? Will it make them miss someone, or does it hurt and eventually they'll get over it. I've read alot of things online about the dumper missing the dumpee and they start talking after 4-6 weeks of no contact. But if I can keep up with NC, why wouldn't she be able to keep up with NC? Have you experienced something like this? Or do you have any advice? I would love to hear your story, please let me know.
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 What NC does for the dumper is allows them to avoid seeing how much pain they caused. It does not magically heal what caused the break up & even if there is some nostalgia left for the good times, it doesn't make them what the other person back. At this point if she thinks about you at all it's in the context of thank goodness he finally stopped chasing after me. I'm so glad he finally got the message that we're over. 2
Author Jason808 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 What NC does for the dumper is allows them to avoid seeing how much pain they caused. It does not magically heal what caused the break up & even if there is some nostalgia left for the good times, it doesn't make them what the other person back. At this point if she thinks about you at all it's in the context of thank goodness he finally stopped chasing after me. I'm so glad he finally got the message that we're over. I'm pretty sure my ex isn't thinking about me in that way, our relationship was great and even though i've tried convincing her to give us another chance I was never that bad that it could be considered "stalking". I wasn't harassing her, she even told me that she missed me, but that missing me wasn't enough to make it work. She said it would work for a short while, but in the end we'd break up anyway. She said she was afraid of losing me (what did you expect when you break up). Our break up was nice, we cried, cuddled and even kissed, there was no hate between us or anything. I understand what you are trying to say, but thinking that she would think bad about me at this moment isn't the case I guess.. But then again, you never know
shoegal4 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 NC for the dumper isn't exactly the same as it is for the dumpee. NC is solely something dumpee's need to move on with their lives. It's not a game, it's not a quick fix and it's not a means to an end. Dumpers may think of you from time to time and sometimes the dumpers even come back but that's not what NC is for. IF dumpers come back, they will make their intentions clear and if not - ignore the breadcrumbs. There is no specified time period on when dumpers come back. Throw that piece of information out the window. Don't think of her as coming back. Think of her as gone. IF she comes back, deal with it then. Wake up every morning with the mindset that you will not be hearing from her. I'm sure your ex is thinking about you (especially if you were her first) but if she's not calling you/texting you/expressing she wants you back, it's not important enough to dwell over. Pick up the pieces and heal your broken heart. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 It's not so much that she thinks badly about you. It's that by not hearing from you she no longer has to feel guilty that she hurt you. 2
Author Jason808 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 It's not so much that she thinks badly about you. It's that by not hearing from you she no longer has to feel guilty that she hurt you. You're probably right, and if she does like to meet again when we are both over this she'll contact me. Not that I want to be friends or anything because I'm just not interested in that, but maybe we could start over from scratch someday.
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