Buttonscantfly Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 So basically I'm a girl, and I’ve known this girl for 6 months. I started my new school and we didn’t become besties instantly like in a fairy tale, and I’m just going to say the whole story now, I might as well so bare with me please. So when my friend Lauren was ill one day, me and this girl Charlotte were playing bench ball in PE and I got super hyper and every time I batted the ball away I’d excitedly shout ‘I touched the ball, I touched the ball!’ and so we became friends. Over the next four months, we became really close, so much so that our other friends would complain about us spending so much time together. Lauren told me that Charlotte liked me, and I guess that just opened possibilities up for me, I had considered being bi before, and I started to develop a small crush on Charlotte, this was on a Friday. Then it was a bank holiday Monday and by Tuesday Lauren had managed to get it out of me and rushed up to Charlotte going ‘Hi! I’m Olivia, go out with me?’ So I ended up asking Charlotte out and we proceeded into that ‘honey moon stage’ that all couples go through. It was all going great, and looking back at all our old voice messages I realise how much we’ve changed and how ‘in love’ we used to be. We had our first kiss the day after our 7 week anniversary, and we kissed a few times every day behind the maths block for the next week. Then she told me she was moving to Australia, and I asked her why she was moving and she said that there was an indoor swimming pool there so of course she was going, and I took that completely the wrong way... Thinking she was choosing a swimming pool over me, and so I ignored her for 3 hours, 2 of which I wasn’t even there for. At the end of lunch I apologised and it was really awkward, she changed her oovoo status to ‘you know your heart’s broken when the person you trust most breaks it’ and so I was all like woah I need to give a better apology. So I wrote this big long note of apology, explaining that I panicked because I took it the wrong way and I was just scared that she didn’t love me anymore, and that it was because I thought I might actually be in love with her, not just love her and so it scared me. I gave her that on Friday, its Monday now and its been quite an eventful few days. On Saturday it was Laurens birthday party, I couldn’t go as I was at the stables, when I got home I was on my phone when I got a text from Mikala. I wasn’t going to reply, but I thought, oh what harm can it do? This is how it went: Her: Hey Me: Heyy Her: how r u? Me: Ok thx wbu? Her: Okay. How is Charlotte? Me: Idk I haven’t spoken to her since yesterday Her: Hey ~ Charlotte Me: Whaa? Her: Huh? Me: I’m confused Her: Mikala just passed her phone to me and now I’m talking to you Me: Oh, hey Her: How’s you? Me: Ok I guess, you? Her: You guess? Me: I guess so Her: Ok Me: Wbu? Her: Meh Me: Oh Her: Yea... Wuu2? Me: Eating tictacs and on whatsapp, you’re at Lauren’s house? Her: Yep Me: Having fun? Her: Yea we are Me: Cool, I’ve just go back from the stables Her: Awesome. Sooooo... Us Me: What about us? Her: Do you really think we’re working out? Me: Yes don’t you? Her: Well.... Me: No? Her: The past eight weeks have been awesome but its becoming far too stressful and I know that one day its just gonna fall apart and hurt too much. I’m sorry that I have to do this but I hope that we can still be friends. Her: Please say something Her: Olivia? Her: Btw Mikala or anyone has nothing to do with this (after 10 mins) Me: I was right and you were wrong. Wasn’t I? Yes I was Her: Huh? Me: I was right Her: The hell are you on? Me: You don’t love me anymore Her: Yea that’s the honest truth, I'm not gonna lie to you Me: When did you stop loving me? Her: Properly? About a week ago Me: Ok Her: Yup Me: You seem fine about this Her: Well how am I meant to act? Me: Idk how do you feel you should act? Her: Like I should be happy but I'm not but I know that I’ve done the right thing for myself Me: If that’s how you want to act then fine I guess. So that was that for Saturday, and I was in pieces, I actually loved her and she’d broken my heart. So yesterday we were on oovoo messaging and at the end I was starting to get kinda annoyed but this is how it went: Her: you calling me, why? Me: when? Her: yesterday Me: oh, I don’t remember. Wait when did I call you yesterday? Her: at 22:44 Me: what on? Her: oovoo Me: I honestly don’t remember that Her: Cool Me: last time I called you on oovoo was 2 days ago Her: cool Me: cool? Her: yeah – cool Me: okay... Can I just ask you one thing? Her: what? Me: Why? Her: 1 I wasn’t happy anymore, 2 it was getting too stressful for me – hiding it from my parents and people around my village heard and were taking the piss every time I left the house Me: Why weren’t you happy? or I guess I'm not entitled to another question Her: I just wasn’t – theres no logical reason Me: I guess asking for one last question is kinda pushing my luck Her: go ahead Me: you said you realised you didn’t love me anymore about a week ago, how did you know? You didn’t just wake up one day and think ‘I don’t love Olivia anymore’ I assume Her: it kinda faded over time and left completely a week ago Me: So why were you wanting to plan out our lives in a book and all this stuff that just hurts me more? Her: well I'm sorry, sorry that I was trying to make it work by doing all this stuff and trying to carry this on and make you happy even if I wasn’t Me: don’t try and make me feel guilty, its not going to happen. Her: who said I was trying to make you feel guilty? Me: No one but you implied it, ive noticed that about you before Her: gee thanks I feel sooo thankful that you pointed that out Me: well no problem, sorry, its just I did once when that whole thing was going on aaggeess ago Her: cool Me: you didn’t say why you weren’t hanging out with us tomorrow? Her: Why d’you wanna know? Me: why wouldn’t i? we’re friends aren’t we? Her: if u want, but I want to hang out with my other friends tomoz Me: okay, and you made me a promise, and you better keep it missy Her: which was? Me: You promised me that no matter what happened to our relationship that we’d still be friends, like the way we were before. We were still friends for 4 whole months before this – that’s double our relationship time, surely that means something? Her: well I sure can try but at the moment I need time on my own which is why I'm not hanging around with u lot tomoz Me: okay, but you could at least try and make an effort to be nice. I should be so mad at you and hate you, and I'm at least trying to hold together what we used to have before all this. Remember how everyone used to complain about us? I could name a lot of good times, is that all gonna go down the drain because of 2 silly months? Her: don’t tell me what to do please (Lauren told me to say this) Me: I’m not, I know you have a brain of your own, I’m merely advising you Her: Well thank you Me: My pleasure Her: cool I haven’t replied yet. Now its Monday and we had PE first, the lesson we have together. She came in late because of prize giving for her house, and she went over to Laura to say hi, and then when it was my teams turn to bat she went and stood by miss – she hates miss. In history, I had to go and sit in another classroom by myself and tell my teacher that I had a broken heart because I was crying too much. At break, her best friend who also happens to be a good friend of mine, when she saw me, she grabbed Charlotte and went ‘Oh ****, lets go.’ And ran away with her. She wasn’t there at lunch, but Freya was. I don’t know what to do, I thought we were perfect together, but she cares about what other people think of her, and I don’t. I still love her, and what hurts me most is how cold shes being to me, I was reading it to Lauren on skype and her first reaction was ‘wow that’s cold’ and shes acting like I broke up with her. Her status is still, and apparently now on skype too ‘you know your hearts broken when the person you trust the most breaks it’ and its hurting me so much, and now I just feel empty and depressed constantly. And the fact that she says she needs some time alone and that she is being stubborn about being friends and all in all just acting like I broke her heart and dumped her. When she dumped me, over text, on someone elses phone, at one of her close friends birthday parties. Idk whats going on, like Idk if I want her back, but I'm not ready to move on either. I cant sleep at night, and whenever I see her I feel like crying and I just look back at photos of us, and old whatapp voice messages and convos we used to have... And it makes me hurt, and at times I’m all like ‘I’m gonna be fine, I don’t need her, I don’t need to feel her hand perfectly in mine, I don’t need to have laughs and not so accidental innuendos, I don’t need to feel her silky hair, I don’t need to feel her lips on mine. Yes I do. I'm not gonna be okay, I’ll love her forever.’ And when Ellie was trying to cheer me up, I was all like ‘I’ll never be happy again.’ And I just feel like I'm sinking deeper in a hole and shes smiling sweetly at me from the top and I'm just there feeling empty and then heartbroken. And the funny thing is, I have like 5-10 minute bursts of hyperness, and I'm so low at the moment that I actually went downstairs to get a big mug of coke, for the sole purpose of trying to get that hyper feeling from the caffine. Ive never felt that I needed to actually get hyper from something before, that is how low I am and I cant get over her. Like, I don’t want to be with her, but I do, but I don’t, but I don’t want anyone else either. Please help me, what should I do?
Toddbt12y1 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 (edited) Breaking up is not easy. You simply had more emotions invested into this relationship than she did. I am going to go out on a limb, and say you are rather young. The chances are that this relationship would have failed eventually, if not now. It is apart of life, and something many have to deal with. I can advise you to no longer speak to this girl. In order to heal up, you must first get rid of that which makes you sick, this is no different. You do not need to be friends with her...least not yet. Not until you have healed. You should cease communication as much as possible. Do not play her games nor play them of your own. I am sorry that you hurt. She may very well have been right about the stress of the relationship. It can be stressful to hold a relationship that is virtually hidden from the public for reasons of shame. You will get better. Avoid her as much as possible. Make sure your friends do not mention her. Heal, mentally, and all will be well. Do not sit and mope either. Coffee will be of no help to you. After a break up, it is a good time to be selfish some. Be selfish. Do not worry about whether she says you broke up with her or not...or whatever she may be up too. Worry about you. Talk, go do things. Do not sit around and invite negative feelings into this. Edited July 7, 2014 by Toddbt12y1 1
smackie9 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Dear you have to understand some people have trouble dealing with their sexual orientation. She is having a hard time dealing with it, so she made the decision to take a break from it, and that she isn't ready to have a relationship. It's all very normal, just like having your heart broken. It's all part of growing up. In a few weeks the waves of pain will subside and you will start to feel normal again. The quickest way to get through this is to just accept it's over, and someday you will fall in love again.....and this girl will be nothing but a distant memory. Your feelings for her will be gone for good. 1
Smilecharmer Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Be understanding of her decision and calm down. She is moving on and so should you as you are very, very young and have your whole life in front of you. Nothing is ever as good or bad as you think so let it go and welcome new experiences.
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