lostgreek Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I have never done this before, but i hope it will give me some closure or incite to what my ex wife may be thinking. So Here is my story. We got together on a rebound as they say, at first i didn't love this women. and as cold as it may sound i told her this from the start. but love is crazy i soon fell in love with her stronger then i ever had with any other women. we were together for 3 to 4 yrs. the first year and a half was the best times of my life and are relationship. i had opened up to her, but she never real opened up to me, there was time she would become distant pouring her feelings and thoughts into her journal rather then opening up to me. we moved to the states and became pregnant, not long after that i began to change, I wanted to be the guy she could depend on, i never wanted her to be in need, i started to focus on work, and i was becoming self conscious about, being able to provide for my family's needs, work was becoming harder to come by so that stress was on me as well, I became emotionally abusive and would break things.... please understand i understand my part fully. we started to have issues with family members. at this point i was trying to change my ways, to save are marriage we planned on moving closer to her family, we agreed that she and the kids would go ahead while i tied up loose ends. a week later she wanted a divorce, i was confused at first, i tried everything to repair the marriage. she was unwilling to try, she said she wanted to be free from marriage . so i agreed and she gave me full custody of are son.. i was hoping that she was going thru something and if given time she would come around. its has been 10 years since we divorced. my son found her online and she contacted me wanting to get to know her son.. but in the conversion she was speaking of old times, how when she was married she would think of me " if you was there you could have solved this problem" asking about my happiness. saying she was happy with me. and that she knew i was pressured out. this lead me to think she may be thinking of a reconciliation. so i let time pass and i explained to her my understand the past and my happiness of her reconnecting with are son, and i told her if she wished to start fresh when she is ready i would be willing to do so.. she is ignoring me now.. i have sent simple messages like how are you, not hounding her. but there is no reply.. I have not contacted her in awhile..she has explained that she is emotional right now to family members. is this confusion or is she truly over me.... i am lost.
littledoll Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I think you've done a great job so far by giving her space. I think what you need to do next is tell her how you feel, tell her you would like to have her back into your life, tell her about the things that you realized, the things you are working on yourself and what you are doing at the moment. Ultimately the decision is down to her. She needs time probably because you must have really hurt her one way or another. I think it would be a good thing to take things very slow at first. I'm sure it must not have been an easy decision to end the marriage. 1
beach Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I can understand divorcing. I can not understand a mother who literally walks away from a small child. That is not normal. Something doesn't seem right - she may still be in that same selfish and self serving mode. It's cruel...especially to your child. I'm not sure there's any good reason to communicate any further with her. She's irresponsible and not a mother for your child. Carry on without her as a part of the equation. Your child may have questions for her - but for now she doesn't make the effort to provide answers. Again, that's cruel. Some people never change their selfishness... I hope your child can be happy and feel loved without his bio Mom as part of his life. 1
Author lostgreek Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) First, thank you for your post... as i said i have sent her a message telling her these things you are saying, but i did leave the choice in her hands, telling her, i would respect any choice she makes. and i told her it would not reflect on her and are sons relationship, i would never stop her from her son.. it was at that point she start to ignore me. I under stand she may feel guilt, or she is just over me.. i am willing to except that... i would like her to be up front. i don't hold hope of her coming back as that thought is to painful.. too many mixed signals and words.. but i will give her time. Edited July 8, 2014 by lostgreek
Author lostgreek Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 I can understand divorcing. I can not understand a mother who literally walks away from a small child. That is not normal. Something doesn't seem right - she may still be in that same selfish and self serving mode. It's cruel...especially to your child. I'm not sure there's any good reason to communicate any further with her. She's irresponsible and not a mother for your child. Carry on without her as a part of the equation. Your child may have questions for her - but for now she doesn't make the effort to provide answers. Again, that's cruel. Some people never change their selfishness... I hope your child can be happy and feel loved without his bio Mom as part of his life. Thanks for your post...He is very smart for his age, he has questions, i try my best to answer them with out hurting her chance to reconnect with him.. he came home from a three day camping trip spoke with her..ONCE. it has been almost five days and she has not tried contacting him.... and i thank God he is not hurt by that... at least he has not shown any signs of being hurt yet...
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