jrtfrisco Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I met a girl a month ago via online dating. I am 30, her late 20s. We hit it off fast, including physically. She ended up sleeping over my spot each weekend, and we talked sparingly via text during the week. I realized a few weeks in that I didn't feel our interactions going beyond what it was (into having potential to turning into something more serious eventually), and as I sensed she wanted that with me, I discussed my feelings with her. Initially we broke up for a day as a result, but we mutually agreed the next day to give it another shot, and to continue to have fun and see where it goes. Until a week later (this past weekend). We had another good time at my spot, but after she left my gut feeling told me that I had to end it (as, again, I felt like it was going nowhere). I told myself to wait at least a day and see how I felt, which I did...and that entire next day I was so stressed (it was effecting my physically, unable to do many things aside from pace around). As a result, I then called her to end it for good. This time, there will be no mutual decision to try it again (for many reasons, including that at the very least she deserves time to heal and move on). After we broke up though she texted me, said she valued the experience, that she will be sad now and will miss me, but that she will have to accept my decision, and that I am a great guy and she wishes me the best. Today, in light of the break-up, and her texts, I do still feel a little bit of uncertainty about my decision. In part I feel more confident this time around that it was right (as I went with my gut feeling, and I feel good about telling her the truth and not stringing her along), but of course I don't feel so good either as she was so fond of me and was a very good girl. Any thoughts? Thank you.
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Let her have the last word. That text was her way of re-claiming her dignity in the face of your rejection. If you weren't feeling more than what was there but you know she wanted more, you did the right thing. Leave it be. It already didn't work twice. How many more times do you need to hurt her? 1
Author jrtfrisco Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Thank you. I know I made the right decision (which can now allow me to move forward and be able to look myself in the mirror), but I guess I'm wondering how, pre-break-up, I was almost sick with stress knowing that I had to break up (that it was not going to work out), yet after the break-up I don't feel relieved, but rather some part of me (even if it's little) is saying, "did I make a mistake?" I guess that post-break-up doubt though might be due to me feeling guilty (for breaking up with a good girl), as well as idealizing/romanticizing the relationship (as opposed to remembering it how it was: I was not fully satisfied, and I felt it was going nowhere).
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 It's like a reverse buyers' remorse. There wasn't anything fundamentally wrong with her & it's never fun knowing that you hurt somebody else. That's all. You are a decent guy. You did the right thing & based on her text, she is OK with it.
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