ap10 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 So ive been dating a girl for 2 months (met on tinder). Always avoided the serious or exclusive talk with her when she brought it up. She was always the one worrying. Recently been acting a little more reserved with me. So at times i will get smiles and kisses and then at times i will just get the odd smile. Told her by text that we need to talk about us last Monday. Been hot and cold with me, but still talking and messaging, but not as intense as before. WHAT I WANT TO SPEAK TO HER ABOUT - Deleting tinder and carrying on as we are seeing eachother, allowing us to be exclusive. We both still have Tinder and are active. However in the last few days i can no longer see her as a match on tinder (either deleted app or blocked me) At first i think she thought i was going to break up. Then i told her its nothing to worry about, but the chat would be positive for us. Then she jumps the gun and tells me shes worried im going to ask her into a full blown relationship. What do you think is going though her mind now???? Going to meet her in 3 hours and want to relax her from the get go before we sit down for a few drinks and start talking. Do i i just act normal and go for kiss like always when i first see her? What do you think is going through her mind?!?
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Usually "we have to talk" is the precursor to I want to break up so right now she's probably freaking. Tell her sooner than later that the talk is not a bad one.
Author ap10 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Usually "we have to talk" is the precursor to I want to break up so right now she's probably freaking. Tell her sooner than later that the talk is not a bad one. I phoned her yesterday morning and told her its a positive one regardless of the outcome. Told her not to worry. Is that too vague?
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 The regardless of the outcome may have set her on edge. What's done is done. When are you meeting her? Send her a pithy text like "looking forward to our talk!" That ought to more clearly signal that you aren't dumping her. Nobody looks forward to that conversation. 1
mammasita Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 IMO, the very worst thing you could ever so is tell someone "We need to meet up and talk"....makes people (like me lol) freak the f*#k out. For future reference......just meet up as usual and then talk.
Author ap10 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 The regardless of the outcome may have set her on edge. What's done is done. When are you meeting her? Send her a pithy text like "looking forward to our talk!" That ought to more clearly signal that you aren't dumping her. Nobody looks forward to that conversation. Im meeting her this evening in around 3 hours. I already sent a text saying 'look forward to drinks and our catch up. See you at 6'. Shes busy at work, but came back saying ''im working until 7 x'. So i responded 'See you after 7 ' No response, but i guess its not required. We didnt meet the whole week last week due to busy schedule and also once cancellation by her. So i guess its built up like a monster.
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 For now, since she's at work, leave it alone but as mammasita pointed out, avoid that phrase in the future unless you do want to break up
Author ap10 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 For now, since she's at work, leave it alone but as mammasita pointed out, avoid that phrase in the future unless you do want to break up I will do thanks. So even though ive told her not to worry and its positive, she will still be freaking out?!? Also do i act normal and kiss her when i first see as always? Im afraid she might act scared and stand offish
Diezel Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Why do people do THIS? Just meet up with her and TALK right then and there. "We have to talk... but I'll tell you later... we'll text/call times between that, but it can't be said over either... yes, keep waiting for that time." Also, I get a bad vibe from this. You should have let her bring up the "relationship" conversation first. I get the feeling she isn't all in yet.
mammasita Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 You should have let her bring up the "relationship" conversation first. I get the feeling she isn't all in yet. She did bring it up and he avoided.
Author ap10 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Why do people do THIS? Just meet up with her and TALK right then and there. "We have to talk... but I'll tell you later... we'll text/call times between that, but it can't be said over either... yes, keep waiting for that time." Also, I get a bad vibe from this. You should have let her bring up the "relationship" conversation first. I get the feeling she isn't all in yet. I gave her a gift a few weeks back and she said if i had asked her to be my girlfriend she would say yes (i said i didnt want to yet). In week 4 of being together and sleeping together she asked several times if i had passed the stage of seeing other. So i think we have had the topic brought up, but i have avoided as it was too early for me.
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 If you normally kiss her hello, why would you not especially if you are concerned that she thinks you are breaking up? I'm not breaking up with you should be among the 1st words out of your mouth if you sense tension from her. Kiss her. Be NORMAL. You are driving this drama. Hopefully when you told her the other day that it was positive chat she believed you. I would ask what she wants then tell her you want exclusivity.
Author ap10 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 If you normally kiss her hello, why would you not especially if you are concerned that she thinks you are breaking up? I'm not breaking up with you should be among the 1st words out of your mouth if you sense tension from her. Kiss her. Be NORMAL. You are driving this drama. Hopefully when you told her the other day that it was positive chat she believed you. I would ask what she wants then tell her you want exclusivity. Thanks appreciate the advise. I messed it up this week. Just got bad vibes that she was feeling rejected or used that i hadn't brought it up even though we were acting like bf/gf.
PegNosePete Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I would tell her what you want first. The way you have set this up just like a dumping, she may have got it into her mind that that is what is going to happen. So asking her what she wants may get a negative response - she doesn't want to lay her feelings out only to get dumped. So I would say what you want as soon as possible, and if she reciprocates, apologise for the way you phrased it like a dumping. 1
Author ap10 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 (edited) I would tell her what you want first. The way you have set this up just like a dumping, she may have got it into her mind that that is what is going to happen. So asking her what she wants may get a negative response - she doesn't want to lay her feelings out only to get dumped. So I would say what you want as soon as possible, and if she reciprocates, apologise for the way you phrased it like a dumping. Thanks for the advice. I think i will tell her first and then see how she feels. I told her we wanted to speak last monday and this was the first week i didnt get a chance to see her. (Normally we see eachother 2/3 times a week, stay at hers etc). Her disappearing off my Tinder angered me as if she was seeing other guys. I guess ill find out if she deleted it or blocked me. Also her jumping to think im going to ask her to be in a full blown relationship was annoying. Isnt that a bad sign for me to tell her i want to be exclusive, but still happy with not getting to serious? I think me confusing her this week with saying we need to talk, has caused her to give me mixed vibes no? one day not responding to my text. Then next day apologising several times for being so $hit this week and that she is super excited to see me, kisses, smilies, but worrying im going to ask her to be in a full blown relationship. Then canceling a night out, saying lets meet up another time (which is now arranged) Edited July 7, 2014 by ap10
Versacehottie Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Yes you should kiss her. You should do all the things that are normal for you two. See how reassured you are when she is the same over text and phone this week? That's why you should do the same things yourself. It will reassure her. It's sad that things can spiral downward just because of some miscommunication. And i think that's what's going on. And then those miscommunications can turn into "real things" that can derail a relationship. I feel ya' and wish you luck to straighten this out. *ps i do agree with the person that said in the future not to announce a "talk". Just meet up as normal and then if you have something to discuss, do it.
Author ap10 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Yes you should kiss her. You should do all the things that are normal for you two. See how reassured you are when she is the same over text and phone this week? That's why you should do the same things yourself. It will reassure her. It's sad that things can spiral downward just because of some miscommunication. And i think that's what's going on. And then those miscommunications can turn into "real things" that can derail a relationship. I feel ya' and wish you luck to straighten this out. *ps i do agree with the person that said in the future not to announce a "talk". Just meet up as normal and then if you have something to discuss, do it. Thanks for the advice.
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