Thewayitwas2 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I've finally gotten my act together. However I am late to the game. I posted here about a bi polar guy I was seeing. We were seeing each other for about 2.5 months now. But just meeting for coffee and talking all day. No sex. He didn't seem to want to go there strangely enough. He has informed me that he has been nuts w his ex. Taking a bottle of pills "to get her attention even though he planned to throw them up". He also has a history of drug abuse. Not currently. But within the last year. He was gone for a week visiting his family and it finally helped me see the situation w clarity. It needs to stop. He has told me he loves me. Wants to marry me. Planning our lives together etc. Before on this board I tried to end it (and I did but I didn't make it stuck) with a text. Now I am further down the road. Haven't seen him in about 2 weeks because of his traveling. But we have been "dating" for about 2.5 months. So what is proper way to end this considering his previous behavior? I'm concerned. He is calling and texting today. Saying he wants to see me. I feel horrible not replying. I don't want to drag this out. Can I just text? I don't think I should do it in person.
Amy74 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Do whatever you need to do to get out of this relationship. It sounds like he takes break-up badly. Don't get hung up on "the right way," the right way is whatever works. You tried before and that didn't work. I was in a relationship with a guy for over a year...broke up multiple times and got back together because...*shrug* I'm weak and he's amazing in bed. If you're nervous about doing it in person because you're afraid he'll talk you out of it, then trust your gut. Sure there is a right way for mature, dignified adults..but threatened suicide at a previous break-up is NOT mature or dignified.
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Thank you. I needed that. What's an appropriate text? I have tried to craft it about 10 times. It's hard!
PegNosePete Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 "I don't feel things are working out between us. I don't see any future for our relationship. I'm sorry but I don't want to see you any more" Ignore any response. 3
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 No you should not text especially after 2.5 weeks. It's mean & cowardly, not mature at all. Meet him. Tell him this relationship isn't working for you. That you are sorry it didn't work out & wish him well. Do not say anything about blame or that you are breaking up with him because he's bi-polar. Whatever decisions he makes due to his mental illnesses are his, not yours. You are about to be his Ex-GF. You are not his therapist. If he calls with suicide threats, call the police & start the process to have him involuntarily committed but do not for one moment blame yourself.
Sad26 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Thank you. I needed that. What's an appropriate text? I have tried to craft it about 10 times. It's hard! Can't imagine someone suggesting you to break up over text message. After 2.5 months, the other person deserves decency. You don't know the full story of his previous relationship to judge him, or do you ?
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Well we kind of already talked about it. Here's why. He told me he would not (at my request) stay at his ex house overnight anymore. He lives 10 miles from her but he had a habit of staying there when he had to take his 10 year old son somewhere in the morning. I thought it was silly for him to sleep overnight at her house. He understood. Said he would never do it again without discussing circumstances w me. So fast forward to last weekend. He said his ex was driving him and his son to the airport (I couldn't do it and apparently cabing it was not cool). So he texted me the night before the trip that he was driving to ex house to pick up the child and his luggage. I said cool. I later found out that he slept there overnight so she could take them to airport in the am. I told him that was misleading me and I didn't like it. He said it wasn't a big deal because she was not there or some garbage. But I don't know what to believe. He apologized. But we've been on thin ice ever since. So it isn't a complete surprise that I'm not happy. So that's why I thought a text might be ok?
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 The only time a text is forgivable (notice I didn't say OK) is possible after the 1st meet in an OLD situation. Even then, saying no thank you to end the meet is preferable.
Sad26 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Well we kind of already talked about it. Here's why. He told me he would not (at my request) stay at his ex house overnight anymore. He lives 10 miles from her but he had a habit of staying there when he had to take his 10 year old son somewhere in the morning. I thought it was silly for him to sleep overnight at her house. He understood. Said he would never do it again without discussing circumstances w me. So fast forward to last weekend. He said his ex was driving him and his son to the airport (I couldn't do it and apparently cabing it was not cool). So he texted me the night before the trip that he was driving to ex house to pick up the child and his luggage. I said cool. I later found out that he slept there overnight so she could take them to airport in the am. I told him that was misleading me and I didn't like it. He said it wasn't a big deal because she was not there or some garbage. But I don't know what to believe. He apologized. But we've been on thin ice ever since. So it isn't a complete surprise that I'm not happy. So that's why I thought a text might be ok? You are the best judge of the situation here. What he did was not correct, was misleading, and bordering on breach of trust. However you should be how you want to be - the better one. Let him be the other one. That's why I would still suggest to do it face to face.
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Well I have not called him today but I have slowly responsed to his texts. I have just been neutral. I wanted to have a phone conversation with him about things tonight when he is not working. But he's texting me that he is throwing up he's so torn up over the tension between us. See what I mean? This is going to be tough.
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Well I have not called him today but I have slowly responsed to his texts. I have just been neutral. I wanted to have a phone conversation with him about things tonight when he is not working. But he's texting me that he is throwing up he's so torn up over the tension between us. See what I mean? This is going to be tough. All the more reason you should do this in person. If he pitches a fit & threatens suicide you can get him help. If you text you might not know he's threatening.
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Well he texted me all those things about throwing up because he loved me more than anything in the world etc. I responded and said I know that he was feeling uneasy but I am having a hard time letting to of the last couple hiccups. (Him staying at ex house and a week before telling me he have in and smoked pot). I said that I just needed some time to think. Here is his response. I'm so sorry you feel this way ...I was never trying to mislead you..it was just not a organized night ..I was exhausted and frustrated . I deeply regret all of this. You have a right to how you feel and I can't take that away from you nor am I trying. I will leave you be. I haven't responded. Not sure I need to?
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 So would you respond to that? Or just give it radio silence ?
FitnessRN Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Holy Smokes! Look, if anyone is a psychopath, or bipolar, always do this (1) Text Breakup...you don't know what they will do face to face! They could be violent (2) Break up with a police officer present while you get your stuff OR (3) Best case scenario. Take all of your clothes home with you, pull this off "Oh I'm going to home and I need to wash a few loads" Hopefully you don't have a lot of loads of clothes... then text breakup
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Yes I know that he needs a different kind of treatment to prevent major issues. But I get scared... I texted him that part about needing time (to soften the blow) and he responded with the text above. I did not reply and now he's texting me this morning. "Good morning, I love you" .... Should I just ignore and go no contact? Or should I call him and be more detailed? He is a fairly prominent/popular person in my circles. However I just recently learned that even though he makes 400k a year... He is well known for his drug use. I do not support that habit...
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 You admit you are being unclear. You say you "need time" because you are trying to soften the blow of the break up. In trying to be kind you are being cruel. Meet him somewhere quasi public. Rip the proverbial band aid off. Break up with him in no uncertain terms & get on with your life, without looking back.
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