HappyLove Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Your phone also would have let you know you missed a call and any idiot should know after calling three times maybe you SHOULD leave a message! I couldn't be bothered to date someone that dense. 1
SJC2008 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 If it makes you feel better then I say go for it. I'm in the minority (with you) in that I think people should say something if they're bailing and not doing so shows lack of character and IMO is cowardice. Look at it this way; If someone does this to you they did you a favor. If they don't have the guts to tell me thanks but no thanks they weren't my type anyway. They fade because they either don't care and/or *can't face* the uncomfortable feeling rejecting someone comes with. Yes it is uncomfortable but man/woman up. As I've gotten older my feelings on this have laxed a bit to where I won't be upset if it's just one date. But after that, they should say something IMO. The other camp will say nobody owes you anything. And all I have to say is what another poster told me in a similar thread I had: We don't owe someone holding the door and not letting it slam in their face, we don't owe wait staff courtesy! But we do it. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I guess my problem is that in telling them off, you are showing them that you care and they will get an ego boost. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they got to me. I have never been stood up (despite 100+ OLD dates) but I have had other forms of fading. Good riddance. 1
MissBee Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 What you did seemed like you needed to do it for yourself and didn't require a response from him. You simply felt good to say your piece regardless of if he ever responded. I think if that's your position it doesn't hurt or harm you. I think why it is advised to let it go is for those people who are emotionally invested in a response and are hoping to shame this person into apologizing or hoping for some kind of remorse or response from them. In such cases it is best to let it be as you can't guarantee that they will respond OR that if they do it will be one that validates you. So I think a big part of it is knowing where you're at emotionally and what you genuinely expect from calling the person out. 1
Author Gaeta Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 What you did seemed like you needed to do it for yourself and didn't require a response from him. You simply felt good to say your piece regardless of if he ever responded. I think if that's your position it doesn't hurt or harm you. I think why it is advised to let it go is for those people who are emotionally invested in a response and are hoping to shame this person into apologizing or hoping for some kind of remorse or response from them. In such cases it is best to let it be as you can't guarantee that they will respond OR that if they do it will be one that validates you. So I think a big part of it is knowing where you're at emotionally and what you genuinely expect from calling the person out. You got it ! I don't expect a reply or some type of turn around. I didn't want to do it out of emotional need, it was more out of frustration. I am not the type of woman to invest herself in a 1 date man. I wanted to speak my mind just like I would speak my mind to someone giving me a bad service somewhere. 1
TXGuy Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 You are talking about two entirely different things and applying the same label. I think it is a bit confusing. Standing you up: that is bad behavior any way you look at it. The standup without so much as a call or text is the worst. A standup/cancel made later than noon of the day of the event is also pretty bad. A cancel the night before or earlier isn't so bad, but I might want to discontinue the relationship anyway. Slow fade: I don't really see anything wrong with that, particularly early in the relationship.
MalachiX Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I'm confused. Did you text or call him from the place the night he stood you up? It's hard to believe that one would just wait all night without checking in with the other person. I'm also a bit curious what the he claims to have mis-understood. Why was he calling if he didn't know you were going out? When I make a date with someone from OLD, we're usually texting to confirm right before hand. We're texting even more if this is our second date. This is natural precisely because people are so freaked out about being stood up with OLD. I once set a date with a girl for coffee. We'd planned it about five days in advanced (and confirmed via OKC). Two hours before the date, I decided to pop into the shower (and shave) so I'd be cleaned up before hand. I get out of the shower and get dressed. Just as I'm about to leave, I see I've missed two texts from her. The first was double checking we were still on and the next was from 25 minutes later essentially cancelling the date due to something else. It seemed pretty clear form the tone that she got upset I hadn't texted her back (ironically because I was getting ready for the date); and decided to cancel it rather than risking being stood up. I texted a quick apology explaining that I was in the shower but didn't hear back. In hindsight I suppose I dodged a bullet. I guess my point is that people on OLD tend to be SUPER CLEAR about plans so I'm curious what exactly your situation was. Either way, standing up someone is pretty disgusting in my book which is why i'd be curious if that is what really happened or if it was a legitimate mistake. Slow fade: I don't really see anything wrong with that, particularly early in the relationship. It depends. A slow fade once you've been exclusive with someone kinda sucks. That said, a slow fade is still a lot more respectful than a 100% no contact which people seem to be cool doing in OLD these days.
jay1983 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Gaeta this is something all guys go through, it's called flaking. As a matter of fact we have it much worse as it can be as bad as meeting 5 girls and all of them flake. It's like it's in their nature to lose interest and not care about your feelings. It drives guys crazy, including myself and the only way to really prevent it is to date bigger girls. lol (funny, sad and true) This is very strange coming from a woman. Anyways the best reaction is no reaction like all the guys are telling you, we know first hand. Because if you call them out, you come off crazy and makes them think they made the right decision.
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