Author waiting4u Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Lol, he wasn't referring to his dick - but that's an interesting twist. Have you read the thread? He said we were exclusive, but now he's got a dating profile up online, so I thought it should go both ways, that's all. I'm just thinking of what's going to make me happy. Not sure why I should sit around and wait for him to be sure about us when I pretty much told him he could date other people. Everything's all screwed up now. Maybe I should just end it. Ugh.
Keenly Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 When you dated someone and you continued checking POF, okcupid, zoosk, badoo, match.com, well maybe that sent the wrong signal to that girl and all of her girlfriends and all of the people in her favorite forum told her to dump you. I could think of a pretty good conversation that would not only make me happy, but would make me very inclined to put a stop to behavior like this. If the girl I was seeing brought up this conversation, I would actually be really flattered. 1
Treasa Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Lol, he wasn't referring to his dick - but that's an interesting twist. Have you read the thread? He said we were exclusive, but now he's got a dating profile up online, so I thought it should go both ways, that's all. I'm just thinking of what's going to make me happy. Not sure why I should sit around and wait for him to be sure about us when I pretty much told him he could date other people. Everything's all screwed up now. Maybe I should just end it. Ugh. Oh, sorry, I misinterpreted. LOL I've had guys say that to me. About their dicks. >.> I did read the thread, but I'm confused. It seemed like you're exclusive, and then the dating profile, and then what you said to him... Yes, you told him he can date others. Make sure he's perfectly clear that that goes for you, too. So, are you exclusive or aren't you? I'm still confused on that bit. I would date him casually if I were you. If you're happy enough with your life that you can take or leave a guy, that radiates, and makes guys treat you better. They know they're an option, not the only one, and that you won't take crap. 1
Author waiting4u Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Oh, sorry, I misinterpreted. LOL I've had guys say that to me. About their dicks. >.> I did read the thread, but I'm confused. It seemed like you're exclusive, and then the dating profile, and then what you said to him... Yes, you told him he can date others. Make sure he's perfectly clear that that goes for you, too. So, are you exclusive or aren't you? I'm still confused on that bit. I would date him casually if I were you. If you're happy enough with your life that you can take or leave a guy, that radiates, and makes guys treat you better. They know they're an option, not the only one, and that you won't take crap. Lol, I'm confused as well. We just had another conversation about it. And I think we decided to date other people and just not tell each other about it? But then he keeps telling me he doesn't want me to date other people. I'm flipping confused. For now, I'm keeping my profile online (his is still up - the jerk claims he "doesn't know how to delete it but took it off my phone") and if I feel like going out on a date I think I will. It's messed up. We really like each other but I'm starting to think he has some issues. He's very needy - and this may become an infidelity thing. It's not good. Time will tell I guess. I'm going to practice some meditation on dealing with feeling vulnerable in relationships. And also try and set some boundaries with Mr Needy and texts all the time.
Versacehottie Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 yeah he sounds a little needy. I would set some boundaries and see if he can stick to them. The really needy types usually cannot. also um blow off that he can still date others but you can't. what works for him, works for you. there's no way i would agree to that. I would just laugh way out loud if he even suggests that again. say i'm fine with us taking our time to see if being exclusive is the right decision for both of us. I realize we will both be dating others in meantime as we figure out our feelings.
MissBee Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) That is worth absolutely nothing if it's not followed by 'I want to be exclusive with you' It's written player all over him. Enjoy it for what it is now but my experience has taught me these men are flakes in love with love not with you. Pretty much the same thing I gathered. I find that men who talk like this are indeed in love with love and not with you, as they are just so over the top. Further if someone is saying all this but has NOT discussed exclusivity... I wouldn't take them seriously. I think you should definitely slow things down and have more discussions about what you two are looking for. I don't mean demand exclusivity or ask "So what are we?" I mean if you're laying around in bed, hanging out or doing whatever you do, TALK...real conversations, not airy fairy ones about in 20 years and all that future faking fastforwarding crap (you should check the site Baggage Reclaim and read about future faking and fast forwarding and see if any of it rings a bell). Talk about what he's looking for relationship wise etc and see what happens. That will provide lots of your answers. My last boyfriend asked me to be official on our 3rd date. When a man really wants you and is really swept by you he will lock you down asap. Ditto as well. Date 3 was when my bf asked to be exclusive, I'm not saying if a man doesn't ask by date 3 he won't but I'm saying if this man is saying all this stuff about love but hasn't asked, it's very odd. My guy didn't say all this flowery stuff with nothing behind it. He expressed that he really really liked me and thought based on what he knew so far that I was what he was looking for and he wanted to be exclusive and see how things go with us. I trusted it...as he seemed to make the decision sensibly and held off on saying over the top stuff...which was refreshing. Edited July 8, 2014 by MissBee 2
Author waiting4u Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Yeah lol he is really NOT liking the idea of me dating other people. He's throwing a little text fit about it right now. I want to be honest and open and all that, but I'm starting to think he's one of those people that has trouble being alone. At least he's da*n fine and the chemistry is good. That helps. I'm trying to separate myself emotionally a bit. I like that when he leaves town and we talk on the phone because my hormones aren't as wacky. I get SO stupid after a weekend of lying around in bed with him. Gheesh.
babycakees Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I'm falling for you, how do you feel about falling in love?, I'm so into you, I like you so much, Do you know how much I'm into you, blah blah, asks me if I like jewelry (I told him no jewelry, this is insane), even told me last time we were in bed together "guess who loves you" (I ignored this, he was naked). He is even throwing out these hypothetical "if we are together in 20 years I'm going to . . . " This guy has player written all OVER him. I can't even read this and not feel bad about what is going on. I've been with guys like this. DO NOT bring up exclusivity. Let him be the one that brings it up. You may want to consider seeing someone else to avoid falling for this guys "lines" 1
Treasa Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Ok, if you aren't exclusive, please date other guys. I worry about you being too open/vulnerable and being hurt by this one. If you are exclusive, make sure he knows it, too. Although I'd still recommend not being exclusive this early on. If after only a month this guy is messing with your thoughts so much (even if inadvertently), then I don't want to see five months from now if you completely falls in love and he really does end up being a player. With the right guy you won't ever feel insecure or jealous. I can speak to that from personal experience.
Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 But you have to understand we don't know of he is looking or of this is habitual behavior. I still check rift, diablo 3, awesomenauts, and battlefield 3 forums. I haven't played any of those games in YEARS. But I still look... because its habit. That's fair enough. In this case, I would simply talk to the guy. I'd just say " I really like you. I have no interest in dating other men, however, I noticed your profile is still active. I just want to check if we are on the same page" If the man told me he felt the same way and he just checked online out of habit and he was NOT talking to new woman but rather checking his old conversations and not actually interested in ever meeting those women, I would let it slide. If he gave me a wishy washy answer like waiting4u's man has, I'd move on. I need to be clearly on the same Page as a man I'm seeing and I need a man to clearly assure me that yes he really likes me and isn't interested in dating other women; and the dating profile was checked out of habit. It should just be one simple conversations: what's with your online dating profile. I'm not actively seeking other people, are you? I'm not sure why open and honest communication is so elusive these days.
Strength in Healing Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Yeah lol he is really NOT liking the idea of me dating other people. He's throwing a little text fit about it right now. I want to be honest and open and all that, but I'm starting to think he's one of those people that has trouble being alone. At least he's da*n fine and the chemistry is good. That helps. I'm trying to separate myself emotionally a bit. I like that when he leaves town and we talk on the phone because my hormones aren't as wacky. I get SO stupid after a weekend of lying around in bed with him. Gheesh. He IS needy, and in love with being in love. You are a pawn in his game, and you would be replaced immediately. He wants control more than you. How do I know? Because I WAS this guy a few years ago. In every single way. My advice? Run. 1
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