Ex GF in a serious relationship with new guy, other Ex GF wants to get back together

[cybclimb]

So it’s been an interesting weekend for me. I just found that my ex from 2013 is in a very serious relationship now. I guess that is to be expected. We haven’t had much contact since we broke up last January. Most recent was last month when he asked me to attend her sister’s getting away party, which I declined. Anyway, I’m kinda devastated by the news just because I have loved her so much, and I still have some feelings for her to this day. We dated for a year and almost decided to move in together. I would have asked her to marry me if that have happened. But towards the end she decided that she wanted to date again (GIGS kicked in). So I let her go and was NC for several months. For some reason hearing the news from a mutual friend was stinging. It’s not that I want her back. I actually had 2 relationships after her, and have dated numerous girls post breakup. I actually want to get a break from relationships and just focus on myself. I have been applying to grad schools lately and the program that I’ll get into is 2.5 years full time (not allowed to work) so having a RS will be such a distraction. I was just surprised that it affected me somehow. Is this normal? What did you guys felt when you heard that your ex is in a serious RS/engaged/married?

 

Another dilemma that I got is that my ex GF from 2012 (we dated more than a year) decided she wanted to see me over the weekend (I haven’t seen her for 1.5 years). She broke up with me in Dec 2012 and I tried to woo her back but she said no. Then I’ve seen a picture of her with the new guy at Instagram with hashtag boyfriend. That really hurt me too, but quickly recovered since I met the GF from 2013. Anyway when she found out I was dating this new girl she got mad at me but I reminded her that she did the same to me earlier and I am already falling for the new girl. I haven’t heard from her after that until the 2013 girl and me broke up last January 2014. We have been texting for several months now with just simple notes and greetings but nothing much. Anyway we went out and talked and she apologized for what happened between us. I got the impression that she wants to get back together again. We actually ended up sleeping together but she didn’t stay over. I am not really sold on the idea of going back with her since I am guarded about my feelings and I still remember what she did to me. Should I give it a chance to see where it goes? I have already decided to get a break (even cancelled my membership from online dating) and now she entered the picture. Now I’m confused. She knows that I’m going back to school and will be moving to a different city. WTF?

[Hansie89]

Well first of all it is totally normal to feel uncomfortable when an ex starts dating someone new. I've felt that pain too, but it will pass! The most important thing is to focus on your life. I know curiosity often get's the best of us, and that's normal, but you owe it to yourself to try, and focus on things that give you energy instead of things that wear you down!

 

As far as the ex who want's you back goes I'd say, be careful! there's probably a reason it didn't work out in the first place, that being said people do change every now and then, and if you too feel a mutual attraction towards one another on more than a mere physical level, by that I mean if there is some chemistry between you too, then it might be worth pursuing, but only if you feel comfortable doing that. You also mentioned wanting to take a break from the whole dating thing. In that case you should find out what's more important to you: Exploring the opportunity of rekindling a lost love or taking a break from dating to reinvent yourself and grow as a person. Either way you need to make a decision because neither you or your ex deserves the uncertainty.

 

I wish you the best of luck

 

P.S. I'm kind of in the middle of a situation myself, so I'd really appreciate it if you threw a comment in my thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/484232-nc-tormenting-me-what-do-i-do#post5790049