Seraque Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 HI guys, 1st time poster. To give you a little background I had a breakup in 2012 and recently did some OLD. Met a guy, we had been dating for about a month, then he went on vacation (he's very independent and does this once in awhile). We exchanged a few emails during the vacation, very light, I wasn't asking him where is he or anything just along the lines of "that sounds great! have fun", etc. All of a sudden, after my last email which was 2 weeks ago, he sent me one today, saying internet has been spotty, now he's ready to come home (tired from the road), but also, he also said that he thought about what I mentioned to him before he left and he's not sure where we fit in as far as dating, and that he's more confused coming back from the trip. Thing is, I realize I made a mistake before the trip, since I indirectly asked him where things are going, etc. Basically we had gone out about 7-8 times during the month we were dating and he seemed pretty into me. But I did sense some aloofness, some unwillingness to totally open up, all throughout that time. When we discussed us, he said he's afraid of commitment but agreed it would be nice to be in a committed relationship. He was pretty open to talking about it but said he considered us dating, not yet in a relationship in his mind. What gives? I'm taking this as a breakup of sorts, I realize by being confused it probably means he doesn't want to be with me anymore. But really, what makes a person go from being enthusiastic about you at the beginning of vacation, to coming home in a few days, and and telling you that he's not sure about the two of you? TIA for your input!
JungleLover Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 You are not his number one pursuit at this time.you are probably number 2.
Leigh 87 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Most guys who say they are afraid of commitment would absolutely commit to a gorgeous supermodel if she was nice and sweet.. And when a guy is super into you, you become akin to a gorgeous super model, they are THAT into you when they have a genuine connection and real emotions towards you. So if a commitment phobe meets a woman who knocks his socks off, he nearly always commits unless he has serious mental problems he needs to address and he is noble enough to digress or pass on the girl until he gets his issues sorted..... So yeah, this guy is rather smart in that he doesn't want to commit to just any girl, he wants to wait for one he is crazy about. I am like him, I passed up a wonderful man last year because I didn't feel enough chemistry but could have grown it over a lot of time..... 1
Author Seraque Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Ouch and ouch on the harsh truths, but thanks... Honestly I don't think I can handle dating anymore. I tend to also reject the ones that don't pique my interest as much, but are otherwise decent. Then a really interesting one comes along, we click, I like him, then things happen like this. Hasn't even happened that many times, but still very sad. It's ok, I've been prepared for this one not working out from day 1.
Leigh 87 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 It happens to nearly all of us. Sadly, not all men fall head over heels for us! I have had men who acted like they were really into me! Said they didn't feel such high chemistry with any other woman, one of them texted daily and said he had something with me he hadn't had previously and felt he could have something special with me he hadn't had prior to meeting me with his exes...... I had one guy overseas rant over and over how awesome I was! How much of an awesome person I was, that I was intelligent, funny, and very attractive to him.. He lost interest but that was more my fault. Men can be into you and lose interest in the blink of an eye, or they can start interested and their interest level can fade. Or worse case scenario, some men are not all that into you AT ALL, but pretend to be to get sex. It took me until age 27 to find a man who was well and truly into me on more levels than the superficial, although I did have men who were crazy about me, about two or three, whom I DIDNT feel the chemistry with sadly Don't give up, having the partner is awesome! It is fun, great sex regularly, a companion to hang out with a lot. Just don't throw yourself out there, either; keep yourself OPEN and AVAILABLE to the RIGHT man, whilst not being DESPERATE to find "the right man", either. 1
ja123 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I think it's quite possible that he doesn't have anyone else lined up, as he admitted he is a "commitment-phobe". He's probably feeling anxious since he's returning from vacation and feels it's too scary to commit to you, so he's preparing you to be dumped. 1
Leigh 87 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Whatever. My ex was very iffy about commitment yet when he met a hot German girl overseas, who was cute, fun, well educated and crazy, he would have dropped everything to be with her, as her boyfriend, had she suggested it and maintained regular contact with him. She lived on the other side of the world but you can bet your bottom dollar he would have committed to her, even though she was living overseas, and even though he is normally not commitment orientated and was all about partying when he met her. He was into her but not me; when a guy is truly into a girl and she is genuinely special to him, he drops everything and remains loyal and in fact, cannot be a anything other than loyal to her. My ex scre wed around on me but I know he wouldn't have on her, even though she lived overseas and I was right in front of him. When this guy meets a girl that does it for him he will commit. Unless he has mental problems that need to be addressed.
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