Camaro Guy Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 First off, I apologize for the glut of topics I've been making the past few weeks. I've just been trying to work some things out. I've just figured something out recently. I have come to the conclusion that sex, relationships, female attention, etc. is all about validation. Validation that you're a human being. Validation that you aren't worthless (romantically). That's all that it seems to come down to. As a male virgin of 23, almost 24 years of age, that is the one aspect of having sex that I personally seem to fixate on. Obviously, I would like to have sex for the pleasure aspect, but it is/was a lot about validation. In college, the feeling of being left out just hit me like a ton of bricks. Sex was everywhere. People were being found attractive by other people and I wasn't. It just walloped me so bad that I had to bring myself to focus on other things and I had to bring myself with the willpower to withstand it. Validation is something that still irks me a bit but not as much as it did before. Even though I did not have sex, I wrapped up a large chunk of my identity in being able to seduce women and get them to be more than friends with me. A lot of my close friends did too, the only difference between them and I is that I was unsuccessful at it and they weren't. Not being able to know what a girl is like when she's attracted to you and being intimate with you is a feeling that I can't express in words. It still makes me too melancholy. Being the person I am, I have to entertain all possibilities. On a long enough timeline, there is a high chance that I will have sex. But there is also the chance that I will not. Especially not in the prime of my life. Some would argue that the prime is college age and anything after that is sour grapes. I wouldn't know, so I can't dispute it. One of my friends said one of the best and easiest time to have sex was in college and he doesn't get laid nearly as frequently now. All in all, I must soldier on. I've received a lot of wake up calls recently and I'm just glad they happened so I can go further on my personal evolution. This is just something I wanted to say. Do you all agree with this conclusion? That for inexperienced people it is mainly about validation?
ThaWholigan Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I would agree to an extent. Like a more personalised version of keeping up with the joneses. The problem you have to configure is what happens when you DO get laid. Sure, you'll get that temporary high. You'll feel "like a G". Walk with a bit of pep in your step. You will feel "validated". Now you can be "normal". Then the validation wears off. And it goes back to how it was. Chasing the feeling of validation from others will become neverending and you'll end up confused without it. And its not just you. A lot of us seek validation from others instead of cultivating a healthier sense of self that is not entirely dependent on that validation. That's what I had to do, hence my inexperience no longer made any difference by the time I got laid. I'm still relatively inexperienced as things stand, but it doesn't matter. You have to figure out how to validate yourself before you go off seeking it from other people. 2
RonaldS Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 It's probably even more basal than that. While we are all complicated, complex, intelligent and self-aware (to an extent) animals, we are, nonetheless, animals. And as is the case with pretty much every organism everywhere, the ultimate goal is survival of the species, which involves reproduction. But reproduction alone isn't enough...we need to pass on our own DNA (in most species). All of this stuff we do, especially as males, at a base level, can be viewed as means of getting our DNA out into the system. Obviously love, sex, relationships etc are incredibly complex, multifaceted endeavors, and consciousness, feelings, and companionship cannot be discounted. I'm talking about the driving force UNDERNEATH those things. Women here are baffled by the fact that it's so easy for a guy to have sex with them and then just bolt. But biologically and evolutionarily, it's pretty simple and obvious. He released his DNA....his job is done.
Author Camaro Guy Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 I would agree to an extent. Like a more personalised version of keeping up with the joneses. The problem you have to configure is what happens when you DO get laid. Sure, you'll get that temporary high. You'll feel "like a G". Walk with a bit of pep in your step. You will feel "validated". Now you can be "normal". Then the validation wears off. And it goes back to how it was. Chasing the feeling of validation from others will become neverending and you'll end up confused without it. And its not just you. A lot of us seek validation from others instead of cultivating a healthier sense of self that is not entirely dependent on that validation. That's what I had to do, hence my inexperience no longer made any difference by the time I got laid. I'm still relatively inexperienced as things stand, but it doesn't matter. You have to figure out how to validate yourself before you go off seeking it from other people. It's a shame too because I was always trying to attain validation from outside sources. If X happens, then Y. If I get this to happen, then I'll be happy. If I get a girlfriend/laid, I will finally have "arrived". All of it's poppycock. I got things and my level of happiness returned to the same level it did entirely. The thing is, I was looking for a girl to "save" me, even if I wasn't conscious of it. I just know that at where I am right now, I'm not ready for a girlfriend. Sex maybe, but no, not a girlfriend. Hell, I might not even be ready for sex anyway...
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